[jimmymaxewell]

There are many major issues to have low sexual desire. Especially in women, Lack of sexual desire or does not like sex can be contributed by many factors such as hormonal imbalance, medical problems, fear of sex, aging and extreme stress. Don’t worry, treatment is possible, but you need to approach a professional counselor.

[kdc]

. . Well, when you're married for years, you don't get that excitement - sorry, but those hormones just don't get cranked out any more. . . .

Thankfully, this is not the case for all of us old-timers. ;-)

[RanchGirl]

Ditto on revisiting what life was like back when you were first together and really into each other. Have you asked her how she feels about her sexuality? Is she happy with the status quo? Is she bored with your lovemaking? Have a frank discussion with her, with respect. I know I sort of have an issue with intimacy and feeling uncomfortable being the recipient of pleasure - might she have such issues? Was there abuse in her past? Was there a time when both of you couldn't get enough and then it changed?

As I mentioned in another post, my sex drive has always been low (and I'd been on the pill my whole life...maybe that was it!), but the times in my life when I got lusty were when a new man wanted me, desired me. Well, when you're married for years, you don't get that excitement - sorry, but those hormones just don't get cranked out any more. Men have it so much easier, just seeing something that turns them on and bingo, erection!

My husband expressed to me during lovemaking that he's excited at the idea of me with another man. At first I was appalled at the idea, but he continued sharing that fantasy during our lovemaking and eventually I began to allow it to become my fantasy. We have subsequently joined some swinging websites, and though we have yet to do anything with anyone else, it has added a new element to our love life that I find exciting. It beats having affairs and ruining our marriage through secrets and discontent. We actually met a couple that is in the lifestyle and they are very much in love with each other. Her husband had cheated on her in the past, and they prevailed - now they openly engage in the lifestyle together, and each gets to have their cake and eat it, too. There has to be a lot of communication and agreement on limits, but it seems to work for some couples who don't want to change their marital status but need something different/more. At the very least it opens the door to becoming more adventurous with each other.

I am NOT saying that you should do this. I realize your religion doesn't necessarily allow for it. It's funny, though: on the websites we've been on, there are a lot of Christian couples!

[Texasred45]

I am going to make an appointment for her to see a doctor. I can't go on like this. It's torture.

Maybe also make an appointment for yourself with a career counselor, find out why you can't find a job.

[x7z3]

Or the man she has to realise she is missing things in her life and to therefore, look into that, work towards it and re-build again what they originally had.

I have been trying, believe me. Perhaps it's going to take a very long time. Then I screw up and get angry. She says that's only what she thinks about not the good things.
I am going to make an appointment for her to see a doctor. I can't go on like this. It's torture.

[x7z3]

The Husband, if she has no desire for sex with you, that's that. Unfortunately, there's very little, if anything, done in the way of research to help with female libido issues.

That I know of, the most effective way to deal temporarily with libido issues for a woman is changing partners. But that wouldn't help in your case, since you both want to be together and you want her to feel desire for you, not for another man, obviously and understandably.

Wow! That's what I feared. She needs another man.

[raindancer]

The Husband, if she has no desire for sex with you, that's that. Unfortunately, there's very little, if anything, done in the way of research to help with female libido issues.

That I know of, the most effective way to deal temporarily with libido issues for a woman is changing partners. But that wouldn't help in your case, since you both want to be together and you want her to feel desire for you, not for another man, obviously and understandably.

[x7z3]

The husband has done all those things: cooking, cleaning, watching the kids, ect. He has been gentle and loving and romantic. He even started a job. But nothing changes her. she says she will try to change but she doesn't. She just doesn't! She has no desire for sx whatsoever.

The wife is middle aged and had children. It's probably hormonal but will she get help? That's the question.

EDIT: One more thing. The husband has learned to like doing the chores because they are the right thing to do. So he is not really looking for a reward.

[x7z3]

Could his wife resent him. I assume she is and has been working, bringing in the finances for years as he hasn't worked for years. Could she also resent him with the time he has with "their" children that she does not have.
Could she resent him as she has to get dressed daily for work but he doesn't take care of what he is wearing at all, as he's a stay at home Dad therefore hasn't been sexually appealing to her as a "man" for years.

And what is his reason for not working for years. It sounds as if he wanted to stay home with the children and it's been an issue that now he's been forced to get part time work. You say he can't get a job, now you say he has one. That suggests she has never liked the arrangement but was forced into it. If you are forced into something, resentment comes in, from that comes loss of respect, from that loss of love. And from that, no desire for sex from that person.

Take everything you just wrote and reverse it. Then you will have the answer.
The husband wants to work. No one would hire him. The wife loves here job, maybe too much. The husband has always taken care of himself. The wife was never into that.
The wife has no problem with the husband being home. The husband wants to work badly. The job he has now it only part time for the season.

[Ashlee T.]

The husband should do all of those things as his duty as a stay at home partner, and be sure that he is not ONLY doing those things in efforts to receive a sex reward. Not implying that's what you're doing at all, I just felt like that needed to be said. For example, I was with a man once who I suddenly lost sexual attraction for. He would do something nice for me and expect sex as a "reward". It made me want sex even less.

Is the wife on any type of hormonal birth control? What age is the wife? We can all (women AND men) go through hormonal imbalances in life that DO deplete our libido. For me, even in my 20's, hormonal birth control completely zapped my otherwise vivacious sexual appetite. I remember thinking "I could go the rest of my life without sex and not care at all." That changed when I went off the pill.

Aside from medical reasons, I think all couples go through slumps. It really depends on how long this has been going on, your age, etc. More info please.