[CHANDLERS WISH]

OK. easy now. no need to get personal. i know exactly what i'm talking about, you simply disagree.

i don't know your husband so i'll take your word for it. and keep in mind i have never said that all men look at porn so i don't think i've lumped your husband into any category.

i have found that most guys who use porn will use it regardless of what their wives do or don't do. i have also found that when women try to compete, they fail because they are trying to hit a moving target. that's why porn stars, themselves, consume porn. they have immediate access to all types of fantasy situations with all types of women - but they still, reportedly, use porn.

when fantasy becomes reality, we create another fantasy. porn feeds an insatiable desire.

Yes, but those whom favour Porn over their "wives" and would not visualise the same, don't have the sexual lust and desire for their wives don't you think. The intimacy that nothing is a "boundry" and therefore, you can go anywhere because you are one.

So, i also disagree, and say " it's an addiction" that you do not believe that your wife is capable of giving to you in bed, so that you don't need to look at it,

Fantasy trust me, is real. It is reality. It can be not only created but never stopped between two loving people that lust entirely on that desire to ensure that their lives is filled with only "passion and lust" and consequently, neither can wait to see what they experiement with next, what comes next and their minds are totallly simply in sensual mode daily, by the minute and wanting and desiring.

Porn, is " 1 hr, ? 3 hrs? dream, sleep wake up, go to work, do it all over again, oh and lets have a little go at the wife to help release".

Now, now.........

We are women, see how we roar!! Love......

As i have said before, every thing you seek is there.

Including your inner most fantasy.... Time to communicate with your wife, sorry.



Don't you agree.......

[Guest]

no.

i think the problem is that you're seeing this issue through a woman's perspective. you're sexualizing porn use - and it is not about sex, especially for the addicted male. this is a critical point in understanding & treating porn addiction & the sexual problems it creates for couples.

i think you're exactly right about so many things - both here & on another thread of the same topic. men do NOT need porn. women do NOT need to recreate porn in the bedroom to keep their husband's off the computer.

it's the most common misperception on the part of women concerning a man's porn addiction. "if i just looked & acted more like (fill in the blank) and would let him (fill in the blank), then he wouldn't need porn."

porn addiction, in this respect, is not different from any other form of substance abuse. there is always something deeper driving the addiction - something that has little to nothing to do with the substance itself.

i choose to stay away from porn - and my wife has not tried to become anything. if she felt that she had to twist herself into some semblance of a pornographic fantasy of mine in order to pull me away from porn, that would be even more demeaning to her.

it is only when a guy realizes that his wife is all he needs, that he seeks fulfillment in her alone - not her when she reminds him of a porn star - only then can he truly enjoy an intimate & "no boundaries" sex life.

as you say, it requires communication. porn use discourages communication. replacing porn use on the computer with porn use via a wife trying to "become" porn still discourages communication.

once a guy sees his porn use for what it is, compartmentalizes it properly, separates it from his sexuality - then he can treat it & see it in the right context.

it's not about sex. and trying to treat it as if it were about sex will always miss the mark. it will remain untreated - he will continue to seek porn, regardless of what he sees, feels, & touches in the bedroom with a live partner.

i'll use someone caroline mentioned as an example - jaimie gillis, porn actor from the 60's, 70's, 80's - even in the 90's. this guy had access to every fantasy imaginable & was one of the most prolific actors of his time (in porn). he had hot, dirty sex with the most appealing girls in the business.

if porn was about sex, he would have been satisfied. but he wasn't. he was an avid porn user in his personal life. and even though he was having anal sex and threesomes with beautiful women half his age on screen - he still felt the need to pursue porn, and more deviant forms of it than what he acted in.

today you will find that jaimie gillis is alone. his acting went from mainstream to pure, unimaginable filth. he had sex with men. he raped women on screen with enemas & made them drink the water they expelled. he became obsessed with the youngest actresses he could find - whom he would **** on, smear his feces on them until they vomited in his hand - and he would rub their vomit on them.

in less than 20 years he went from a guy with a strong libido who enjoyed watching the 2 girls he filmed with make out together before he had sex with them - to a guy who got off rubbing sh#t & vomit on young girls.

you will also notice in his later movies he was unable to stay hard. he would hold his limp penis with both hands while he masturbated himself to orgasm - since sex alone wouldn't get him there.

i will submit to you that there is no woman - none - who could ever "become" his porn. he will forever crave something new - something more shocking to his system. and he will probably never seek the treatment he needs to rid himself of that cancer & be able to enjoy a real relationship.

there are millions of men, not so famous, just like him - traveling down the same road. and their wives are clawing after some way to recreate the porn they use so they will look away from the computer & pay attention to them.

it will not work. it is a misplaced effort in futility - and a shining example of both men & women being decieved by porn.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

no.

i think the problem is that you're seeing this issue through a woman's perspective. you're sexualizing porn use - and it is not about sex, especially for the addicted male. this is a critical point in understanding & treating porn addiction & the sexual problems it creates for couples.

i think you're exactly right about so many things - both here & on another thread of the same topic. men do NOT need porn. women do NOT need to recreate porn in the bedroom to keep their husband's off the computer.

it's the most common misperception on the part of women concerning a man's porn addiction. "if i just looked & acted more like (fill in the blank) and would let him (fill in the blank), then he wouldn't need porn."

porn addiction, in this respect, is not different from any other form of substance abuse. there is always something deeper driving the addiction - something that has little to nothing to do with the substance itself.

i choose to stay away from porn - and my wife has not tried to become anything. if she felt that she had to twist herself into some semblance of a pornographic fantasy of mine in order to pull me away from porn, that would be even more demeaning to her.

it is only when a guy realizes that his wife is all he needs, that he seeks fulfillment in her alone - not her when she reminds him of a porn star - only then can he truly enjoy an intimate & "no boundaries" sex life.

as you say, it requires communication. porn use discourages communication. replacing porn use on the computer with porn use via a wife trying to "become" porn still discourages communication.

once a guy sees his porn use for what it is, compartmentalizes it properly, separates it from his sexuality - then he can treat it & see it in the right context.

it's not about sex. and trying to treat it as if it were about sex will always miss the mark. it will remain untreated - he will continue to seek porn, regardless of what he sees, feels, & touches in the bedroom with a live partner.

i'll use someone caroline mentioned as an example - jaimie gillis, porn actor from the 60's, 70's, 80's - even in the 90's. this guy had access to every fantasy imaginable & was one of the most prolific actors of his time (in porn). he had hot, dirty sex with the most appealing girls in the business.

if porn was about sex, he would have been satisfied. but he wasn't. he was an avid porn user in his personal life. and even though he was having anal sex and threesomes with beautiful women half his age on screen - he still felt the need to pursue porn, and more deviant forms of it than what he acted in.

today you will find that jaimie gillis is alone. his acting went from mainstream to pure, unimaginable filth. he had sex with men. he raped women on screen with enemas & made them drink the water they expelled. he became obsessed with the youngest actresses he could find - whom he would **** on, smear his feces on them until they vomited in his hand - and he would rub their vomit on them.

in less than 20 years he went from a guy with a strong libido who enjoyed watching the 2 girls he filmed with make out together before he had sex with them - to a guy who got off rubbing sh#t & vomit on young girls.

you will also notice in his later movies he was unable to stay hard. he would hold his limp penis with both hands while he masturbated himself to orgasm - since sex alone wouldn't get him there.

i will submit to you that there is no woman - none - who could ever "become" his porn. he will forever crave something new - something more shocking to his system. and he will probably never seek the treatment he needs to rid himself of that cancer & be able to enjoy a real relationship.

there are millions of men, not so famous, just like him - traveling down the same road. and their wives are clawing after some way to recreate the porn they use so they will look away from the computer & pay attention to them.

it will not work. it is a misplaced effort in futility - and a shining example of both men & women being decieved by porn.

Interesting reading.

I understand that a woman wouldn't want to be that "porn actress" to get him of the computer, i don't believe i suggested that at all, rather was looking at what we as "woman" are may not require where they think they should go.

So, yes, i am answering or stating (1) only side and i see from what you have written, then it's a side of the "new Porn addict" don't you agree.

Not an addicted Porn addict, hense to try to squash that additiction.

Then it raised the real "sickness" of going from one extreme to the other, to the extent of destruction and there would be no room for any woman in that type of life.

So your reply and my Thread and reply pertain to two different types of Porn addicts.

The one where he has only done it "once, twice, three times" and therefore, my comments may be worth while.

To, those whom are so addicted that they need serious help before they go to another sphere they really don't want to go to, or down that track.

In fairness, what i have read here is pertaining only to a small amount and non understanding of how that affect a woman who has clearly not agreed that she likes him to do that.

It seems to be a flavour for topic in that regard.

So i still stand by what i have said, as i am looking at it from a beginner porn adict and the need not to go there but to look further within ....

And, your post was very interesting to say the least. And now you will have all the women out there going through it, definately ensuring they don't take it further.

All points on this topic i think are relevant, pending on what stage it is up to and what the reader gets out of it...

[barbielovesken]

Why do some men like watching porn in front of us.

My one question is why do men like watching porn in front of us. I mean Men that we arent even dating or married to? Doesn't make sense to me.

Barbie

[killerwhale]

Porn ruined my life. My father took me away from my physically abusive mother. However, he could not stop her from sometimes seeing her. Being a sexually abused male [not from my mother but someone she knew] I had an addiction to porn and she knew it. When I was at her house one night I decided it veiw it. She was the one who's house had it so eventually I was back with her in a physically abusive state. When the authories were finally able to do something about her she was scared of being prosecuted. She gave me really high doses of prescription drugs. I could no longer function well. I still can't. I am now thirty-six. Because of my disability as an adult I have only had minimum wage jobs. When I was a child my abuse did make me an overachiever as studies have shown some children do. Because I did so well as a child everyone expected me to eventually have a Ph.D or M. D. Needless to say now at thirty-six that did not happen. I never had a wife or children. With so little I just can't. But, that is the world of addiction.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hi killerwhale, welcome to the Forum.

That was a sad post to read.

I've achieved things ast 40, 45 even that I never thought possible, please don't allow your past to interfere with your future.

There are so many people that suffer out there, don't let her win, or the person in question you are not old you are still young, there are things you can do to change all of this..

Stay with us.

CW

[TJPatriot]

I don't see how porn is what did that to you, sounds like a terrible person ruined your life, not porn.

To respond to the old, old original post: I think about the acts, and what it might feel like for it to happen to me. As well, some of the acts I enjoy in porn I actually do not enjoy in real life, or at least they are things I would never expect someone to do and would feel bad if they were to do them when I knew they did not really want to do it themselves. But anyway...I might be different from other guys in this regard, as I don't generally obsess over T&A like your normal guys. I am getting better at "looking" at that, but it requires more than just that to get me excited.

[Hopeless Dork]

Maybe this is where one of the problems with understanding exists. It's hard to understand how you differentiate between fantasy and reality where porn is concerned. Although it is just a film or a picture it is in all reality a real person/people doing real things, just like the films or pictures you keep of your family/friends. Aren't they real? Is the pictures or films you may have just a fantasy?

I think I made sense of what point I was trying to make.

ackkk this is what I always think too! When my bf has said, after me being hurt by pictures of other girls "it's not real life, its just fantasy" ... but but but it is REAL LIFE.. those are REAL PEOPLE, sure they are photoshopped to heck and back but its a PERSON, not a stove. So if you are sooooooo arroused by a 1 dimensional photo of them, that you can bring yourself to orgasm over it -- if you happened to run into a girl just like her out in the world... you wouldnt want to be with her?

To me it feels like its only 'not real life' because its IMPROBABLE for a girl like that to be into the avg guy. If she was however.. then what? And that hurts. I may find other men attractive, at work, at the store... but I don't pull up a picture of a man that looks good and masturbate to it... and there is a difference. I think being attracted to others in passing is NORMAL.. i think being in a self-sexual relationship with them is a whole different ball game of hurt. No matter how many times guys say 'its fantasy' it still feels like its only fantasy until there is an opportuinity. :\

[Hugo-B]

In all honesty, as a man, and from my point of view, when I masturbate over porn (something I do regularly, and my GF sometimes sends me links she thinks I'll like) I'm thinking 'I wish that was me doing >insert explicit sexual act involving 2 female porn stars< with those girls'.

Us boys are so visual we can't help it. I used to watch porn with my ex too, she bought me a great DVD years back for my birthday, I think it was called 'Jenna loves Brianna' or something, I've still got it somewhere; this was about 7 years ago before we all had wireless internet everywhere.

[Quest]

I have never wanted to have sex with a porn star, porn provides animations, in masturbation porn is simply used as a model and what ever girl I am thinking about is instead doing what the porn stars are doing.