[a_dub]

Ok so... I am not even going to touch the "DTF" part because I feel like you saying that you "might" be DTF is even more offensive than saying you're "DTF." It sounds like you think you are in a position to choose to have sex with her when you say "might." You are not in a position to choose. Your position would be on your knees begging (while still expecting to get rejected) her for sex.

IMO, you need to work on your delusional perception of a person's value. I hope this helps.

Done saving the world for the week? If I ever need advise on what to do on my knees, I'll be sure to let you know. I'm a bigger jerk than you will ever be.

[effy2014]

You mean luck?

Heavens no. Not luck. Just good fortune. But then, that is only if you care whether the potential partner is "available". One can always make his or her own "luck" by helping someone to become available . . . . .

[atskitty2]

Uh, not sure what you mean there effy. If you mean available in the sense that they're unattached, unmarried? I'm not in the business of creating such drama of chasing married men or becoming involved with married or "taken" men.

[effy2014]

Then luck it is . . . .

[atskitty2]

Surely you aren't suggesting that I open myself up to pursuit of a married or taken man?
I think what I take away from your comment is that I can create my own "luck"...which makes it not really luck at all...

Or you could be referring back to the guy that I mentioned earlier, whose divorce isn't final yet, that I friend zoned...

Puzzled, could you please clarify, effy?

[effy2014]

I was really referring to timing. So much of the success of dating is based upon the available pool of people at any given moment. Always keep an open eye. I recently listened to a radio program where psychologists argued whether we were too quick to make decisions about a potential relationship on the first date using the wrong criteria. One of them had developed 36 questions for both partners to think about.

After reading your comment above, I do question whether a one-off sexual encounter (one of the "relationships" you were exploring) require availability? As for the nearly divorced, a potential relationship needs to be evaluated of the emotional health of the person at the time, rather then the conventional "one year after" convention.

I will stick to my previous comment that you are approaching dating in the right way. I think you might find more quality men if you expanded your age range on the upper range, but that is an inherent bias of mine. While there are many exceptions, I believe that, in the whole, younger men lack both the emotional security and ability to communicate for a successful relationship.

[atskitty2]

Ah, timing. Yes. That is actually a curse word of mine. Poor timing gets me every time.
But, yes of course, availability is a huge factor. Open eyes are not a strong suit of mine either, as I'm usually busily going about my chores, but again, it's part of the whole process of improving my life, not just dating. And I mean that as, I'm trying to slow down, work less & enjoy life & take in my present surroundings & situations, value it & savor the days. Slowing down my mind, while improving the amount & quality of pleasures I allow into my life. I focus mainly on the aspect of dating here, because it's what I need most help with. I've been doing a gradual overhaul of my life and taking stock of lots of other "pain points" for me as well.

I'd be interested in the take-away from those psychologists arguments. I have long been a 2-date believer. First meetings can be so misleading. But I'm changing that philosophy a bit.

The still-not-divorced guy was put in the friend zone for various reasons. He seemed not to adhere to nor understand my boundaries, so I haven't seen him again, even as a friend.
My hunch is that he just isn't ok being alone and that's a red flag for me. There were other reasons, but I'll leave it at that.

Age range: effy, I have really no age in mind. I had gone with more younger men recently because I'd sort of switched directions a bit. I typically meet men my age or a little older. I honestly hadn't looked at that early on, because there are so many more important criteria.
On that note, tho', I was pleasantly surprised at the caliber of younger men I met. Some have more sense of priority, responsibility & maturity than even some of the 50's I've met. I'm not a believer that age is just a number, I don't think it should be taken that lightly, but it all depends on the person.

[Something_Awesome]

Kitty, Dream once recommended that someone try joining interest groups to meet new people. Have you looked into that? That might be a better way. You just sort of show up and let the guys notice you and slowly court you over time

You could get a good feel for their confidence level that way (before an actual date).

[atskitty2]

I actually am in a couple of those SA. I enjoy those a lot, but they are mostly women and dating hasn't been my thought with those anyway, although it could always happen there...