[atskitty2]

You said, "she said that she'd like me to sit with her on the couch and watch TV together and I'm all for that"
"I just wish she'd be in the mood a bit more often - and I'm willing to do anything to make that happen".
"every time I sit on the couch with her she starts to watch one of those TV programs - and that's when I get up and go"

So you're willing to do anything to make it happen, EXCEPT watch a few mindless tv shows that you don't like? Come on, is it really that horrible to sit there & watch tv if the pay off is some closeness with her & possibly a few more sexual encounters a month? You can sit there & actually pay no attention to the tv.

Personally, I wouldn't want to be intimate with a man whose only company I'd had all evening was passively being in the same house...different rooms, different pursuits. I'm not suggesting she shouldn't give a little & participate in your interests as well, but she told you what she'd like, and you avoid it, for no other reason than it isn't your preference. Then you're wondering why she's not interested at the end of the night?

Romance/Sex doesn't start in the bedroom, for many/most women. It starts in the morning, the afternoon, well before there's any opportunities for sex. I think she'd be more willing to go to bed earlier, if she had some warming up to the idea, other than verbally, throughout the day/evening.

[muffin70]

You said, "she said that she'd like me to sit with her on the couch and watch TV together and I'm all for that"
"I just wish she'd be in the mood a bit more often - and I'm willing to do anything to make that happen".
"every time I sit on the couch with her she starts to watch one of those TV programs - and that's when I get up and go"

So you're willing to do anything to make it happen, EXCEPT watch a few mindless tv shows that you don't like?

I get what you are saying, but I'd be bored out of my brains if I sat on the couch with my wife and watched an episode of Eastenders.... it's not like she would be interested in cuddling me or anything, she'd only be interested in what's on the TV

I like to watch a bit of sport like Rugby Union, and my wife just doesn't like Rugby, so when she comes to sit on the couch - if I am watching Rugby then I will change the channel because I know she doesn't like it. If I go to sit on the couch and she is watching Eastenders, she won't change the channel because I don't like it - she will just continue to watch it and I can choose to eiither put up with it or do something else.... and that's exactly what I do.
We have a 42" TV and there is no way I can just sit there and pay no attention to the TV because it is right there!
She records these programs during the day and watches them in the evening... If I recorded some TV programs that I like, then tried to watch them in the evening she would not be happy to sit on the couch watching MY programs.... just as I'm not interested in watching HER programs.
We do sit and watch certain programs together, but then she will put her programs on for 2 hours or so - and I'd rather us spend that 2 hours together talking, cuddling, listening to some nice music or something....

[Motorguy]

Well Muffin I think Kitty made a very good point with romance or intimacy with the wife. I not sure if you have cable or Direct Tv but most of these shows can be record. Then when sitting with wife just start fooling around just tell wife let's record the shows and watch them together at a later time together. Me and the wife watch a few shows together or if we are enjoy each other we will just DVR are favorite shows. But for us just watching my wife walking around the bed room nude she knows I love this and will usually end up together in bed enjoying each other pleasures. But hanging out in different rooms from each other is not solving any problems but creating no intimacy between you two.

[Lexhill]

I think I get muffin very well here. I don't know if it's because he(we) are the once trying to improve things or if it's a double standard. But I feel he's trying to say he always have to please her while she walks around going whatever she wants. And often the evening goes around with her watching Eastenders or whatever other show she's into. I would guess a proposition to watch another program at TV that they both like would be a no. While he tries to keep her happy with changing to something to common interest when she walks into the room. If he does not there will be different kinds of grumpy/sour comments. When it comes to sex, it might often be that he feels that his wife does not necessarily enjoys it, but kinda gives it because "she has to". She knows that if she does not give it once a while there will go some time and she will be dumped. Therefor she "wants" to give it once a while.

It would be fun to know what her response would be to how to improve things.

Am I far off Muffin?

[muffin70]

well last night I asked my wife to tell me when she has finished watching Eastenders and I will come out and we can watch something together... she agreed, but about 50-60 minutes later I came out and she had fallen asleep on the couch!!! I ended up sitting there watching the late news bulletin on TV and then she woke up and asked me what had happened at the end of Eastenders....LOL! she had to rewind it and watch most of eastenders again to catch up from when she fell asleep.....

I do agree that hanging out in different rooms is not solving any problems - but her idea of improving things is by me sitting with her while she watches these programs... and I couldn't think of anything worse.... but we are talking about it and that's a good thing

[muffin70]

I think I get muffin very well here. I don't know if it's because he(we) are the once trying to improve things or if it's a double standard. But I feel he's trying to say he always have to please her while she walks around going whatever she wants. And often the evening goes around with her watching Eastenders or whatever other show she's into. I would guess a proposition to watch another program at TV that they both like would be a no. While he tries to keep her happy with changing to something to common interest when she walks into the room. If he does not there will be different kinds of grumpy/sour comments. When it comes to sex, it might often be that he feels that his wife does not necessarily enjoys it, but kinda gives it because "she has to". She knows that if she does not give it once a while there will go some time and she will be dumped. Therefor she "wants" to give it once a while.

It would be fun to know what her response would be to how to improve things.

Am I far off Muffin?

I think you've just about hit the nail on the head.....

she has lost one of her garden tools and we've been unable to find it... but she said to me the other day if I find it then she will do anything I want her to in the bedroom.... so I'm going to have another really good look for it this weekend!!

[Motorguy]

I think you've just about hit the nail on the head.....

she has lost one of her garden tools and we've been unable to find it... but she said to me the other day if I find it then she will do anything I want her to in the bedroom.... so I'm going to have another really good look for it this weekend!!

This is your chance then Muffin good luck I hope you find that gardening tool. You have a mission to fulfill now for yourself and the wife lol.

[JonDoe]

Muffin, listen to the podcasts for one extraordinary marriage. And don't listen to any naysayers who think you are too demanding of your wife. While they may mean well, they haven't walked in your shoes, but I have. I've ran many marathons in those shoes until the pain was unbearable and nearly destroyed me, but it may not be too late for you.

If your wife is anything like my ex-wife, then her promises are empty and won't be fulfilled. Tell her that you will be happy to spend all day looking for her gardening tool AFTER spending some quality time together in the bedroom. Stop letting her have her way all the time unless you want to continue to condition her to always expect it to be her way.

Ask yourself why her gardening tool is so important that she claims to offer to do anything you want her to do in the bedroom, but otherwise she isn't willing to do so. My ex-wife made these kinds of promises all the time, but very rarely kept her word. In fact, numerous times I found out that she had no intention of keeping her promise from the beginning, yet didn't think of it as lying or being deceitful. Narcissistic people are like this.

[JessyJess]

Muffin, you made a classic mistake when asked why you watch porn. It should have been phrased as your problem not her's. Instead of blaming her (I know you are not, but that is how she is taking it) for not giving you enough sex and being the reason you go to porn, you should have pointed the blame to yourself. You should have phrased it as, "I just have a higher sex drive than you, and in between our sex sessions I turn to porn because I don't want to bother you. It's just to get me by till the next time we make love."

Couldn't have said it better.

[muffin70]

Couldn't have said it better.

in no way was I blaming my wife for me watching porn.... I just confessed that occasionally I look up porn and I'd rather make love to my wife than look up porn...