[Ashlee T.]

We don't always have to understand things to tolerate them. (aimed at our other members here)

If this is what YOU ALL like, and this works for both of you, then I say go for it. But understand the consequences. It is a lot of pressure to be responsible for everything. It's a lot of pressure to ALWAYS be the boss. But it's also a lot of pressure to ALWAYS be responsible for every finger lifted around the home. So, keep in mind that this may wear thin.

As for the cage, I may not "get it", but I can respect the fact that this is a thing for some folks. I would first encourage him to use other methods of control to decrease the masturbation. But, if all else fails, I guess my thoughts are "what's the cage going to hurt?". I mean, if you all don't like it, you can always remove it, right?

[FLR-Wife]

Exactly. Thanks for the understanding and for confirming what I already thought--we can always remove if it's affecting our marriage in unforeseen ways....I'm a good manager--I like lying in bed, doing my thing...I'm very organized and can delegate well but don't have energy or desire to do it all. Luckily dh does...thanks again

[amy40]

we can always remove if it's affecting our marriage in unforeseen ways....

keep the keys handy......may need to be removed quickly in morning and it's difficult to go to the bathroom (from an article by someone who tried one for 3 days)

[FLR-Wife]

Thanks for the tip but I've done a lot of research and not seeing any problems with going to bathroom. I was thinking of getting a safe deposit box and keeping both keys in it for the first week. 1) I want to do this right and not cave in to his begging for release and 2) I don't want any hassle. Do I sound dominant enough yet? I'm kind of liking the idea of it all...

[checkers]

To each their own, but I wonder what will come next and if you will be comfortable with that as well?

[FLR-Wife]

We will see. I like the idea of taking and having more control. At some point, he won't have much say anymore about any other kinks he has that I don't approve of...

[atskitty2]

I see, so this is much more than a perceived masturbation problem you're trying to manage.

I generally think that people build and form relationships that work for them, and if this arrangement makes you both happy, then I have to agree there's no harm in it at this point.

Seems like the communication is good between you. Id be concerned he would change his mind, and you'd be less willing to return to the old ways, as you reap more benefits, at least in work and power, from my outside perspective.
How long have you been together? Are there children in the home?

[FLR-Wife]

We've been married 20 years; have 4 children. I will have DH completely submit and commit to me that this is what he wants for the rest of his life or not at all. I never accept half-assedness....This is about more than just masturbation control. I do get a bit of a rush when I ask DH for something above and beyond, for instance when DH is coming to bed to go to sleep and I ask him to go out to the store and bring me a snack. He does it and hurries back, so excited to serve. Sometimes that leads to me riding his face to a wonderful orgasm but without the cage, I usually feel pressured to have sex afterwards when all I want to do is fall blissfully asleep. I think it would be really exciting to have him service me as he's locked and frustrated, then dismiss him when I've had enough...wdyt?

[jns]

About face riding, ha, if I was him I would feign frustration so you would do it again and again until you were even more worn out.

More seriously, it is fine as long as both of you are getting what you want, just don't let it go to your head and become actually sadistic, unless you are both into that.

[atskitty2]

What jns said, is my thought.

Has your marriage heretofore been "traditional"? Have you both always wanted change?

I think we all go through changes and move in different directions in our lives, and this is a rather dramatic change. I'd be concerned that this was a phase for one, and not for the other.