[miffed23]

If it means that much to him - fake it - and when / if he asks why you faked it, tell him that hes nagged the hell out of you, so you thought you would fake it to get him off your back

In all seriousness, i hear where youre coming from. If you enjoy sex without the orgasm then why bother to force it to happen, right?

On the other side, its an ego thing...he wants to please you. So, let him know he does please you.

[EroticanEllie]

Erm, well, I think you're missing a fair part of the puzzle really. You can't see why he might care if you orgasm or not? It really seems like you haven't even made an effort to understand what is going on around you.

Have you ever heard of Sigmund Freud? Basically, with humans, everything is about sex. And it's true, too. It's not the weak and dependant, it's every person under this sun.

Well, that's a theory. It's not necessarily true that everything is about sex, in fact, it's nowhere near true. Sex drives you to the extent you allow it to.

Well, it's not that I didn't see why he might care, I wanted to see what other people thought. I know he wants to please me, but i just don't want to be pleased, that was what my comment was about.

If someone's self-confidence is built on how successful their sex life is, honestly, I pity them. Sex is fun, but it doesn't define me or determine the belief and confidence I have in myself.

Am I driven to have sex? Yes, but I also have control over those drives. Sex is barely on my top-ten list of priorities in life. So sex is definitely not everything to me.

[C]

I have a bf of 4 years. We have sex, but I do not wish him to bring me to orgasm. I don't care whether I orgasm or not, it's just not important to me. Yet, he defines our relationship by this, saying that I am "holding out". My orgasm is just so important to him. Can someone explain this? And do any other women not care whether they orgasm or not?

When you meet the right man you will...........You will pulsate with want......The quivering between your legs will beg for fulfillment..........and honey, it will happen.......xox Caroline

[Fallen1]

.... I know he wants to please me, but i just don't want to be pleased......

That's certainly odd.

[C]

Before I met my husband I dated many, many men...Football players, frat boys, you name it.....but never did I have the yearning to want to let any of them touch me......My husband was the first......I believe a woman, like this woman is, can tolerate sex and still not give of herself.....She can be there but not be there......At the end of the mating, she has not mated but she was an active participant......She is not giving of herself because she is special and this is precious part of her that has not found her magic Prince.....Just my thoughts on this....C

[Hystorm]

You really need to find a new boyfriend, one that also does not care about sex. If you two are heading for marriage, that is one marriage destine to fail!

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Well, that's a theory. It's not necessarily true that everything is about sex, in fact, it's nowhere near true. Sex drives you to the extent you allow it to.

Well, it's not that I didn't see why he might care, I wanted to see what other people thought. I know he wants to please me, but i just don't want to be pleased, that was what my comment was about.

If someone's self-confidence is built on how successful their sex life is, honestly, I pity them. Sex is fun, but it doesn't define me or determine the belief and confidence I have in myself.

Am I driven to have sex? Yes, but I also have control over those drives. Sex is barely on my top-ten list of priorities in life. So sex is definitely not everything to me.

It's a theory which nearly all psychologists agree with. Even though it's not necessarily at a concious level, it's a fundamental drive that governs us as a species, and it's effects ooze into every aspect of our lives. You're judging that on a far too superficial level.

Anyway, it sounds like you need to break up and find someone who doesn't like sex, like you, otherwise he's just going to be an unhappy bunny for the rest of his life, and you wouldn't want that would you?

There are guys out there who dislike/are bored of sex, honestly it's cruel for you to stay with someone who does, by the sounds of it.

[C]

Anon: Many, many women nowadays get into relationships that they really do not love the man....But they have a man...That is the thing...They want to be with someone and many do not have any idea of what love is much less sexual love. This is why so many marriages fail....Different libido's and different likes...That is why living together is great for so many of them....

I would not necessarily brand this woman as not liking sex, I would say that she has not found someone to sexually stimulate her.....If I was to do this then what was I years ago with all the men I dated? I only kissed and once in a while, and very seldom some minor petting of my breasts. So what if they all branded me as frigid....Was I? Heck no but it took the right man with the right smile and the right touch who was like I am to turn me to mush and be this bundle of sexual mush that I am to this day....I believe she just has not met the right man.....She should never think of herself as not liking sex or not a sexual woman but instead as a woman that has not met the right man.....She is all woman and big enough to talk about it and ask for help....I guess years ago if this site had been here I would have been her asking for help too...

Now I have to get out of here and get my mail opened.... TC, C

TC, C

[shweedart]

when me and my boyfriend first started being intimate i didnt care if he brought me to orgasm...until one day he did and it was amazing! its safe to say ive never looked back!

[soldatka]

Well, for me it's important, and 95% of the time it happens with no problems or effort at all. Maybe I'm lucky just to be built that way. I can see how it would be offputting if a guy demanded this (as if it was a performance or badge of merit) but most men I've encountered have been genuinely delighted because they enjoy being able to please me sufficiently, and also it's arousing for them. The motivation is important.