[EroticanEllie]

I have a bf of 4 years. We have sex, but I do not wish him to bring me to orgasm. I don't care whether I orgasm or not, it's just not important to me. Yet, he defines our relationship by this, saying that I am "holding out". My orgasm is just so important to him. Can someone explain this? And do any other women not care whether they orgasm or not?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I have a bf of 4 years. We have sex, but I do not wish him to bring me to orgasm. I don't care whether I orgasm or not, it's just not important to me. Yet, he defines our relationship by this, saying that I am "holding out". My orgasm is just so important to him. Can someone explain this? And do any other women not care whether they orgasm or not?

Mmm, if i can start Ellie with why you chose "Erotica...n " as your name site, yet you don't like to orgasm?

Then i would follow through with why is it not important to you?

Then i would question why after 4 years, you would not want to "please your man" and find ways in which it would happen?

And then i would say, sex is sex, but mind blowing intimacy is the ultimate want to miss out on that seriously?

And lastly, there would not be one woman "in my opinion" that would not want to feel an orgasm, on her own, with her man, woman, so perhaps you can elaberate? A little, perhaps, on why it is not important, i mean if it is not important then sex isn't either? In the real terms of things...

CW

[anonymouswhitefemale]

I can't see why anyone wouldn't want to orgasm, or why you wouldn't want to please your man... Remember than men's self confidence is largely built off how successful their sex life is, and ones sex life is difficult to judge as successful if you can't bring your partner to orgasm.

You might find it difficult to reach an orgasm? You feel like you don't want to pressure him? If you think it's too much work for him then bring some toys into the equation, lighten the load.

[mosach]

Devastated.

Snifff !!! you...don't care about orgasms.....wahhhhhh.

see it really matter's to men. I promise.

Make it happen and you'll see a cheekbone to cheekbone grin on your mans face.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I can't see why anyone wouldn't want to orgasm, or why you wouldn't want to please your man... Remember than men's self confidence is largely built off how successful their sex life is, and ones sex life is difficult to judge as successful if you can't bring your partner to orgasm.

You might find it difficult to reach an orgasm? You feel like you don't want to pressure him? If you think it's too much work for him then bring some toys into the equation, lighten the load.

Indeed we are talking as the threader posted, orgasming with her man..

I agree, it would be interesting to ascertain perhaps what lengths he goes to please her? To attempt to bring her to "orgasm"..

Absolutely, if you are not showing signs of extacy, then how can a man feel "A MAN"? ..

Question i guess, if you don't like orgasming, do you like bringing him to the ultimate climax?

Seems he's dissing you over your feelings but where is he at with you?

Nothing wrong with not feeling it, getting it, i guess i am at a loss why you don't want to feel it? Or if he does with you ? After 4 years....

CW

[Little]

Do I care if I have an orgasm? Yes, yes, YES.
But was it stressful before I ever had one with a guy and all they cared about was being the one who did it. ALSO yes.
Tell him to please stop worrying about it himself; stop worrying YOU about it. It will happen when it happens, and certainly WON'T happen while you're stressed.
My boyfriend was the first person to give me an orgasm. He didn't know I'd never had one except by myself, and he wasn't "going for it," but all of a sudden it happened.
And now it's the easiest thing in the world. Take the stress of it all away; it works.

[Uneeklyme]

Omigosh...yes.

I can see if you havent had one why you would be indiferent about it but once you do have one and realize what your missing out on AND why doesnt he take the time or whatever to make sure you have one...at least every once in a while...why wouldnt you care if you have at least one. Lucky multi for me.

[EroticanEllie]

Mmm, if i can start Ellie with why you chose "Erotica...n " as your name site, yet you don't like to orgasm?

Just the first name I thought of.

Then i would follow through with why is it not important to you?

It just doesn't make a difference to me. I don't want to put my efforts into doing it, because I don't see the rewards, I suppose.

Then i would question why after 4 years, you would not want to "please your man" and find ways in which it would happen?

Well, he orgasms. I don't see why my orgasm would please him, if he wasn't running off of pure instinct. It's my body, my business, whether I orgasm or not.

And then i would say, sex is sex, but mind blowing intimacy is the ultimate want to miss out on that seriously?

Yes. I just don't care about it.

And lastly, there would not be one woman "in my opinion" that would not want to feel an orgasm, on her own, with her man, woman, so perhaps you can elaberate? A little, perhaps, on why it is not important, i mean if it is not important then sex isn't either? In the real terms of things...

CW

I do like to have sex. I just don't want to put the energy in to orgasm. It's kindof like eating a piece of chocolate cake... perhaps I wouldn't want to go out to get it, but if it's right there, I will. It doesn't matter either way, but if it happens, fine. It's not that i don't want to, it's that I don't care either way.

[EroticanEllie]

I can't see why anyone wouldn't want to orgasm, or why you wouldn't want to please your man... Remember than men's self confidence is largely built off how successful their sex life is, and ones sex life is difficult to judge as successful if you can't bring your partner to orgasm.

You might find it difficult to reach an orgasm? You feel like you don't want to pressure him? If you think it's too much work for him then bring some toys into the equation, lighten the load.

It's not that I don't want to... it's that I don't care either way. If it's there, I will do it, if not, fine. But it's uber-important to him that i do it. It's a need for him what I choose to do with my body. And that I find controlling.

Why would someone's self-confidence be built off of how successful their sex life is? Sounds weak and dependent to me.

[anonymouswhitefemale]

Well, he orgasms. I don't see why my orgasm would please him, if he wasn't running off of pure instinct. It's my body, my business, whether I orgasm or not.

Erm, well, I think you're missing a fair part of the puzzle really. You can't see why he might care if you orgasm or not? It really seems like you haven't even made an effort to understand what is going on around you.

Why would someone's self-confidence be built off of how successful their sex life is? Sounds weak and dependent to me.

Have you ever heard of Sigmund Freud? Basically, with humans, everything is about sex. And it's true, too. It's not the weak and dependant, it's every person under this sun.