[amy40]

so I asked for something from husband earlier in year
and wasn't sure if he'd do it but he did

and I liked it but am embarassed to ask again because I feel weird about it

maybe after all this time being married, it's good I can still feel shy sometimes around him

[Stillness]

I do think it's good to some extent, but I wish there was less shyness in my marriage. I wish we'd open up more and hold back less - in all things, not just the sexual.

I always think about a song I like that says:

"I'm willing to tell you everything I let come between us.
But what if I tell you too much?"

I guess that's the fear that holds us back.

[amy40]

I wish we'd open up more and hold back less - in all things, not just the sexual.

husband doesn't like to share stuff about work or his health with me
few years ago heard him on phone with his mom telling her about pain he was having
he was afraid to tell me and worry me

he came home from work a different time one day and I made a comment
and turns out he travelled that day for work
I asked why he didn't tell me and he said cause I worry when he travels (I do)

[Maisie Dayz]

Men seem to feel the need to protect but it also appears to be inherent, like it's a weakness to reveal that they are in pain (physical or mental).
I worry less the more I know so if he's out on the road, it sits ok with me. I only then begin to worry if I don't hear from him for some time, which isn't his normal trait as he calls me as soon as his meeting/survey etc, is finished and he's leaving.

[amy40]

the thing I was referring to in first post was something I find erotic
and it's nothing that waverider has ever talked about

I searched on this site and no one's talked about it

[amy40]

I worry less the more I know so if he's out on the road, it sits ok with me. I only then begin to worry if I don't hear from him for some time

like you, if I was able to hear from him more when he travels, then I'd worry less
it's harder to hear from him when he's out of the country (due to his schedule/skype/phone connections)

[atskitty2]

Wish I had more time to comment, but I think this type of thing has root in strength and trust. If we believe our partner, or a friend, a family member, is strong and capable of managing anything, then we feel much more free to share all our thoughts and fears and worries. When we have a partner that seems too fragile in some way, of course we will withhold sensitive, potentially harmful info. Even if the "harm" is something as simple as worry.

I want to be a stronger partner in my next relationship and the kind where any info can be shared with me, without them having any qualms about my response. I think in other relationships I had that tendency. I remember when my marriage was strong and healthy, that was how we functioned. Mutual strength and we fed from each other's strength. I think if that can be maintained over years, that is the basis for a deeper connection and bond. Communication is everything really.

[amy40]

I want to be a stronger partner in my next relationship and the kind where any info can be shared with me, without them having any qualms about my response.

recently read to my husband some pages I wrote before we became parents
however, as was reading him my thoughts, skipped over three pages and left out some other sentences as I felt that I shouldn't share ALL my writing with him

when I have some strong emotion, I need to write it all out but it's also too revealing to totally share

[amy40]

atskitty2

thanks for commenting
know you are super busy with your new job, commuting on the weekends, and more
how is everything going?

[atskitty2]

Well I don't think there's anything wrong with having some private thoughts. It may be healthier for some. What you describe there isn't intimacy for me. I think for something like that, I would want to share it. I'd feel very disconnected if I couldn't share those inner parts of myself with him. That to me is WHO I am.
I used to write a little, and my hubs was the only one I'd allow to read it. Just short stories and such but it was a part of my life few knew of. A couple teachers in college knew and my hubs.

Anyway, everything is an absolute mess of beauty for me. Craziest time in my life maybe. Maybe more crazy than my last year of college. Job is great. The issue I'm having is that I don't honestly like the city. It has some great features, but overall, it's not my thing. Traffic is horrific, and I'm having greatest difficulty with that. Some days I've spent 2 hrs just in the car to/from work.
Good food is another issue I am struggling with. So few good grocery stores around, and few healthy restaurants either. It's a job just getting a high nutrition meal at least once a day.

Happy with the decision overall. Gonna take a few months longer than I thought it would take to get adjusted, but it's moving along.