[atskitty2]

It isn't "what else" you could say, but "how" else something might be said to tone down the defensiveness coming from her. And have you ever called her out on the defensive stance? I've had someone do that to me, and it really helped me see it...as I'd not really understood that I was getting defensive. It helped me see that I wasn't approaching the discussion with a teamwork attitude. That was a work scenario, but it definitely worked for me.

Worth some thought. I imagine after 50 years, you're in some stubborn ruts with routine and communication style and so forth. Sounds like you have worked pretty hard to approach this from different angles, so maybe this will help.

I also feel like it's important to acknowledge that she just may want nothing more to do with sex than she is already giving. At some point I think you'll have to just respect that and leave the issue as it is. I think she also should be willing to give your needs due respect and allow your privacy.

Have you tried things like couples massage therapy or pampering for her only? It seems like she's not particularly stressed out or tired (where this usually helps), but it's worth consideration.

Otherwise, I'm out of ideas for now.

[easygoing]

there's an article on alternatives for older couples
on greatsexguidance dot com

was searching to see what age couples are able to still have sex and found that info
good luck

Thanks Amy, I've been reading Michael Calstleman for some time at Psychology Today. He's very good.

[easygoing]

It isn't "what else" you could say, but "how" else something might be said to tone down the defensiveness coming from her. And have you ever called her out on the defensive stance? I've had someone do that to me, and it really helped me see it...as I'd not really understood that I was getting defensive. It helped me see that I wasn't approaching the discussion with a teamwork attitude. That was a work scenario, but it definitely worked for me.

Worth some thought. I imagine after 50 years, you're in some stubborn ruts with routine and communication style and so forth. Sounds like you have worked pretty hard to approach this from different angles, so maybe this will help.

I also feel like it's important to acknowledge that she just may want nothing more to do with sex than she is already giving. At some point I think you'll have to just respect that and leave the issue as it is. I think she also should be willing to give your needs due respect and allow your privacy.

Have you tried things like couples massage therapy or pampering for her only? It seems like she's not particularly stressed out or tired (where this usually helps), but it's worth consideration.

Otherwise, I'm out of ideas for now.

I don't quite know what to say Kitty but for sure I want you to know that I REALLY appreciate you're persistence with me. I know many of my posts are quite negatively toned and you've tried your darnedest to cut through that and offer positive suggestions. THANK YOU!

All I can say is that my approach has never been aggressive and yes from time to time I've drawn her attention to her defensiveness. I think we're all guilty of that to some degree but with my wife it was evident from the day I met her. Generally it's not too big a deal but on this issue it has been frustrating. If you go back to my original post you'll see that I have to a large extent accepted the fact things are quite different now sexually. That is why I asked 'your' (plural) opinion about whether to ask her to grant me the privacy to lock myself away, watch some erotic stimulation (porn) and have my way with myself. I'd be totally happy with that but, it doesn't include the 'intimacy' involved in partner sex. And I believe that's important in any relationship.

[atskitty2]

I wasn't at all suggesting that your choice of words was aggressive or offensive, or "wrong" in any way. Learning different ways to communicate is a method to change and improve.

I hate to use the word persuasion, because I am not a proponent of anyone trying to "convince" someone to do what they do not want to do, especially sexually. But I see nothing wrong with trying to reach her in a new way. Your objective is increased intimacy, not to make her do what she doesn't want to do, right? You seem like a pretty thoughtful, caring, albeit horny, gentleman. So I think it's possible, at this point, that she could still enjoy more frequent sexual contact with you, with the right kind of approach. Again, I can be wrong, and this may be the limit for her. I just think it's worth a shot.

I'm not meaning to be persistent really... I just hope to help one way or another. That may not mean I have the solution or anything all that helpful even, but I'm usually good for support!

[easygoing]

I wasn't at all suggesting that your choice of words was aggressive or offensive, or "wrong" in any way. Learning different ways to communicate is a method to change and improve.

I'm not meaning to be persistent really... I just hope to help one way or another. That may not mean I have the solution or anything all that helpful even, but I'm usually good for support!

I didn't for a moment think you thought I was agressive or overly persistent, perhaps I chose my words pooly. Can I PM you on this?

[atskitty2]

Of course you can pm if you prefer.

[easygoing]

Of course you can pm if you prefer.

How do I do that?

[amy40]

How do I do that?

easygoing
one needs to reach a certain number of posts before pm privilege is avail

[atskitty2]

Oh dear...forgot about that.

[easygoing]

easygoing
one needs to reach a certain number of posts before pm privilege is avail

How many?