[nyged5]

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I'll just cut to the chase...
I've only been able to reach orgasm using a vibrator for clitoral stimulation. I can do that quickly, and it's good, but it's more like just getting the job done. Sadly, my husband has not been able to give me one in our 15 year relationship. Neither of us have been with other people, so maybe that's part of the problem. I've never been able to do it without the help of the vibrator either. When we're being intimate, I can get going really good, but it starts feeling REALLY intense and not painful, but SO intense it's almost uncomfortable, and never seems to come close to ending and I have to ask him to stop. It's a totally different build up from what I experience alone with the vibrator. We both desperately want me to be able to orgasm with just him, not this vibrator.
Any insight and tips are helpful. I don't know exactly what I should be feeling during the buildup since it feels so different when I do it and when he does!
Thanks in advance.

[atskitty2]

Well, let me start by asking what IS he doing? Is it intercourse? Is it manual stimulation or oral?

[nyged5]

Oral doesn't do much at all for me unfortunately. Intercourse feels really good, sometimes more than other times. If he's also rubbing me at the same time, it's better, but has rarely been close to reaching orgasm for me. It's manual that gets really good and intense, and then just too intense. I feel like I want to explode, but I have to ask him to stop. It's just too much. Slowing down or changing things usually makes it all go away and it's hard to get it going again.

[muffin70]

well my wife has never been able to orgasm during intercourse..... normally our foreplay ends with me massaging her vagina while kissing and sucking her nipples... she is almost guaranteed to orgasm that way - then it's my turn and we make love until I orgasm inside her (which is about 2 minutes lol!)

[jns]

Manual stimulation usually takes a delicate touch. He should slow down and change the amount of pressure before you get stimulation overload. If he does that and cycles between intense and less intense stimulation, he may build your level of sexual excitement to the point that you go over the top and orgasm. Help him by letting him know how intense it is at any given moment.

[atskitty2]

I also would suggest a slow buildup, if you're preference is manual. Start very slow and with light pressure, and gradually increase that, over several minutes or longer if that's what you need. Also, try this while you're having sex. It may be easiest while in doggie position, but try manually stimulating yourself at the same time. This manual stimulation, combined with intercourse, could eventually be quite explosive for you. It may take a few tries to get there, but give it a go, and see how it works for you.
Let us know how it goes, we may have additional suggestions if this doesn't work!

[nyged5]

I appreciate all of this!! I tried getting out of my head last night and just relaxing. He tried some different things, including g-spot which didn't really do too much. I'm wondering if my orgasms are just completely different when I'm with him versus myself? When I'm alone, it builds up and there's a definite end, and I feel a climax and some spasms in my vagina. Nothing huge and earth shattering but satisfying anyway. With him, the feeling is more internal even though he's stimulating the clitoris just like I do. Am I expecting fireworks and explosions, and that's just not how I orgasm?? We've half joked about finding a swinger couple and seeing if it's different with someone else. LOL like I said, we've both only been with each other so we don't know anything else!

[Ashlee T.]

So...a couple things come to mind here:

There are different kinds of orgasms for women: 1. a clitoral orgasm 2. a gspot orgasm

You've mentioned them both. Clitoral orgasms SEEM to be the most commonly experienced because well....the clit can be seen and therefore is easier to stimulate. But for me and many other women, that is such an incredibly sensitive area that direct stimulation for any length of time may build up the intensity for a clitoral orgasm but it also creates discomfort due to all the nerves. For me, clitoral stimulation is supplemental and

The gspot orgasm is "where it's at" in my opinion and it can really only be achieved with penetration. I discovered this by stumbling upon it really. I had been sexually active for years but had never experienced this type of intense pleasure UNTIL I attended a friends bridal Pure Romance party (sex toys). I felt pressured into buying something, so I got this vibrating gspot stimulator with a built on clitoral stimulator. It was perfect and I finally realized what I had been missing AND how to find it during intercourse with a partner. I NEEDED that gspot stimulation to achieve orgasm and since then, I know exactly what positions to get in to achieve it.

So...maybe you just need some more experimentation with yourself where there is no pressure. And when you're having sex with your hubby, the best positions for gspot contact are female on top, missionary, or even from behind if you're laying flat on your stomach. Try using one of your own hands to lightly stimulate the clitoris area during penetration (circular motion of the hand), and ask him to go slow and steady. So then you're getting clitoral and gspot stimulation at the same time. See if that helps.

[nyged5]

Thank you! More stuff to try tonight lol would it be possible to have the clitoral stimulation but get a more internal type of orgasm?? I was messing around today and discovered when I orgasm with a vibrator, it builds up nicely, I can feel the orgasm and spasms inside, and then if I keep going, it starts to feel uncomfortable. I had to stop for a minute and go again and it was fine. My husband has found the gspot before and sometimes it feels really good and sometimes just weird. I told him last night we need to work on that a little more.

[Ashlee T.]

If I have a clitoral orgasm, I don't want to be touched with ANYTHING immediately afterwards because everything is so sensitive.

I think you can have both (that's my preference, at least). I prefer penetration in positions that "massage" the gspot area in combination with clitoral stimulation.

Sometimes I think guys think they need to "hit the gspot". Some "hitting" might be okay at times, but for the most part, it's consistent and gentle massage of the gspot that brings about the best orgasms. For me at least.

I admire you for being willing to try new things. Try not to pressure yourself though. That's counterproductive when it comes to orgasms!