[Terra84]

OMGoodness Yes especially at night, I was chatting with my boyfriend one night & I told him I was & He was like you always are & I'm like I know & I don't know why.

[Matt73]

Hi guy thanks for the add. My partner has lost her sex drive are there any natural remedies anyone can help with she very dry around her private area sex is no longer what makes a woman get back her sex drive. Any help will be appreciated. Thanks Matthew

[Alison H.]

Matt73

Without knowing anything about her situation (age, health, previous attitudes toward sex, etc.), the remedy is a little hard to pinpoint.

Decreased sex drive and vaginal dryness can have a lot of root causes — from hormonal to physical-health-related, to mental, emotional, life situation, or even age-related reasons.

While the simplest solution to vaginal dryness is typically the use of a vaginal moisturizer or lubricant during sex, that doesn’t generally “cure” low libido. It makes sex easier/possible, and sometimes that’s enough to trigger a short boost in a person’s sexual drive for as long as the sex lasts — but not always.

I’ve dealt with low libido on and off (usually due to exhaustion, which is partly health-related, partly work/life related, and due to midlife hormones most likely), and I might not be in the mood until things really get going. In that way, lube can help a lot. But it doesn’t “fix” a person’s sex drive over the long term (that I’ve found). Honestly, I could probably go for months without sex and not even bat an eye or care in the slightest. It’s not at the forefront of my mind the vast majority of the time. I can get in the mood, but I don’t do it on my own out of the blue, if that makes sense.

Have you tried talking to her about it? That might be the first place to start — not in an accusing way like “How come you’re never horny anymore?” but more from a place of concern.

The words you choose are up to you, but I think it’s a meaningful conversation to have.

[Space-Traveller]

Interesting about "morning hornies". I thought I was the only woman to experience those. I literally have something analogical to morning erections that guys have, I wake up with my genitalia swollen and I tend to have erotic dreams in the morning. I can wake up masturbating too.

About experts, unfortunately some seem to still live in the middle ages. I had one gynecologist tell me I'm crazy, because I said that I have a high libido and because my clitoris hurt after certain hormonal medication. I don't know why she would rather tell the patient she is crazy than admit that hormonal medications have sexual side effects - as said in the thread, she is deep inside the social norms from the middle ages and wrongly generalises her own experiences to others.

[jns]

Interesting about "morning hornies". I thought I was the only woman to experience those. I literally have something analogical to morning erections that guys have, I wake up with my genitalia swollen and I tend to have erotic dreams in the morning. I can wake up masturbating too.

About experts, unfortunately some seem to still live in the middle ages. I had one gynecologist tell me I'm crazy, because I said that I have a high libido and because my clitoris hurt after certain hormonal medication. I don't know why she would rather tell the patient she is crazy than admit that hormonal medications have sexual side effects - as said in the thread, she is deep inside the social norms from the middle ages and wrongly generalises her own experiences to others.

As far as I can tell, there seems to be an analog for women of almost every thing that men experience about sex (or maybe it is vice versa). Women can have the equivalent of wet dreams for guys.

[Space-Traveller]

As far as I can tell, there seems to be an analog for women of almost every thing that men experience about sex (or maybe it is vice versa). Women can have the equivalent of wet dreams for guys.

We're all human and there are a lot of similarities in how male and female bodies work.

Well, yeah, I have had wet dreams. I think people don't talk about it often, because it's less noticable when a woman is aroused or gets more vaginal fluid. To me it's quite noticable, but an erect penis or an ejaculation are visible in a very foolproof manner.

[kev]

ive not been with many women but all ive loved have been ever ready/high libido women and i have just adored that... the allure of such women, palpable, their vibe, present in every move and gesture. its not an aspect revealed only in sexual activity...and thats what makes it and them so beautiful, its like this electric aura i feel very soon upon first meeting , refreshing and reassuring, this strong pulse . and yes, i agree it is like a garden, if you feed it, it blossoms! so, yes, do these things. on a secondary note i have elevated hormones , didnt know why i always felt charged till i had my blood tested and i hover about 1000 in my testosterone level. they say it all happens in the womb... my gp says ive likely always been this way, . its a blessing, truly. so thank you mom and thank god for all of you women with high libidos. you are gorgeous fairies.

[French Girl]

Hi. I am glad to find this forum because I have a problem.. I am a 15 y old virgin girl, but since a few weeks I am very horny, I touch myself and I had a boyfriend but I've never had sex, we touched each other. Is it normal, and will I feel better if I will have sex ?

[Wednesday L.F.]

If you’re feeling aroused all the time, having sex won’t make that stop. If you’re masturbating to the point of orgasm, that will help for a bit but it’s likely those feelings will return. I would recommend sex toys over intercourse for a variety of reasons.

[Acesup]

Thanks for posting this discussion. I wish I had this problem with my wife. Her declining libido, increasing inhibitions and limits on all things sexual and her general attitude towards our sex life that it is some sort of wifely duty where she just wants me to stick it in and get it over with as fast as possible instead of something she wants and needs and enjoys with me, that attitude has hurt me for so long.

I cannot begin to describe how humiliating and painful it has been for me to feel like I’m doing everything that could be asked of me as a man and a partner and a husband, everything possible to help with kids and take as much burden off her as possible and how hard I’ve tried to do all the little things to make her happy and how much I’ve tried to make our intimacy and sex life good for her and satisfy her only for her to basically force me to be boring and unsatisfying in bed then act bored and unsatisfied. I am wired so that what I want most of all of to give my partner orgasms, I actually enjoy her getting off more than my own. And I’m wired so that I enjoy going down on a woman and giving her oral more than anything I could receive, literally. But not only does she claim she’s never liked it and has barely ever even let me try in like 12 years which has been hard for me cause I miss it bad, she had gotten so progressively inhibited and restrictive she now claims she hates all forms of foreplay. She claims she hates receiving massages, hates being kissed during sex unless it’s closed mouth cause she says saliva grosses her out, hates any talking during sex hates me stimulating her with fingers, she claims to have no fantasies, she claims she’s never used a toy and never will, she claims she’s never masturbated and thinks it’s gross. Literally she says all she wants is to skip right to hard and fast intercourse and penetration with no warmup.
So obviously given those restrictions she imposes on our sex life if I’m not allowed to do any foreplay or clitoral stimulation I go into sex knowing I have virtually no chance of giving her an orgasm. I am batting maybe 20 percent the rest of the time he’s in humiliating failure for me.

She has reasons for her lack of libido that I could accept and be patient with if they bothered her too and if she was making an effort to overcome them and fight for our sex life. But she doesn’t seem to care enough to even try and it feels like she’s looking for excuses to get me to shut up and accept a passionless pity sex marriage and do all the hard work of being a husband for a woman that doesn’t feel any desire to be my wife. Thats humiliating. She claims to be perimenopausal and she is in her 40s so it’s probably true. I could accept that as a reason if she did something to overcome it. But she refuses to get the blood test to confirm it and refuses to ask her doctor about any hormone patches or supplements or anything that could help. She basically says this is just what happens to all women and there is nothing anybody can do about it so shes not even going to try cause nothing will help. That feels like she’s looking for a doctors note as an excuse to get out of our sex life. That shouldn’t be her attitude. If she was disappointed about her lack of libido and missed having sex desire for me and made an effort to research and try different things to fight for it I could accept meeting in the middle on whatever was the result. But I can’t seem to live with what feels like a cop out on her part not even trying. You can’t tell me no woman who has gone through menopause ever wants to have sex again and modern medicine has never found anything that could help any of them at all that is worth even trying. It’s not a death sentence. I just don’t buy that. Feels like a cop out.

She cites body image issues and intimacy issues and I accept that but again she won’t make any effort to work on those issues in herself. She always tells me it’s about her not about me so I shouldn’t take it personally but it affects and hurts me. And it hurts her too cause she is missing out. If it’s just about her why doesn’t she care enough to even try to make the effort to work on whatever are her issues getting in the way. We’ve done couples counseling for years and she refused to talk about these issues in couples counseling and the therapists never seemed to want to hold her accountable for working on her issues. From what she’s told me about her individual therapy she’s never attempted to work on there either. She says it’s not a problem for her just how she is and she’s entitled to feel how she feels and shouldn’t have to change anything for me.

She absolutely refuses to go to a sex therapist with me. I gave up on that idea long ago.

Honestly I do love her madly I’m attracted to her primaly I don’t want to get divorced I can’t really afford to start over and pay alimony and I don’t want to hurt my kids over something like this. But how am I supposed to live with knowing nothing I do will ever turn my wife on for the rest of my life, I’ll never know what it feels like for a woman to have any sexual desire for me for the rest of my life and I’ll never know what it feels like to give a woman an orgasm again for the rest of my life. Honestly would anybody else out there be happy accepting such an existence especially if they still had to do all the hard work part of the relationship with no hope of ever having the intimate part of the relationship.