[QueenOfTheSea]

I understand exactly how the OP feels and I'm sorry to say but all of you saying "omg just be proud of it" or "have you spoken to a doctor?"... clearly, you have no idea what you're talking about. Your advice sounds like a skinny person telling a fat person "have you just tried eating less?" ? like, I know you mean well, but unless this is something you actually deal with yourself, I doubt you can understand how she feels.

Sure, you think it's cool because if/when you do it, it's a once in a while thing, but when it happens EVERY TIME?? and you can't control it? It gets old real fast.

This is something that has also been happening to me ever since I lost my virginity at 21 (I am now 42). Prior to that when I would masturbate, it did not happen. So I dunno what caused it to start.

For the most part, the boyfriends I've had in the past have been okay with it and we quickly learned to keep towels near the bed at all times, but for me? Mentally? It sucked. Every time, I feel stressed, like I can't fully enjoy myself. I feel incredibly self-conscious in any position other than missionary because I don't want to "pee on him" or have it just go everywhere. Also, I can't be having sex on the couch or standing up or in weird places... and forget about getting head! Any time a guy gets started down there, I have to quickly tell them to move on.

It's not about it not feeling good, or thinking he won't like it. Most guys actually do think it's really hot. But that's when it's the first time. Or first 10. After 20 years, I can understand her husband being sick of it, and I can understand the shame and hurt she felt at hearing that, because it's not something we can control. Trust me, if we could, we would 100% choose to orgasm normally. You guys really have no idea... it's such an inconvenience. Even masturbating becomes something you can't really do with any spontaneity.

Oh and for the record, it doesn't feel like you have to pee? And drinking or not drinking beforehand does not affect it. It still happens even if I go pee just before. It still happens even if I orgasm multiple times in a row. And yes, it happens almost every single time. Often, if I'm with a new guy, I will just try not to come because I can't bear having the awkward conversation beforehand. It's such a mood killer ? it's not fun, guys. It's really not. You think it's a fun quirky thing because it's something you can do once a year as a party trick. But it's not like that with us. We have no on/off switch.

As for those saying go to the doctor..... there is hardly even any research on the topic, do you seriously think your local obgyn or urologist is gonna be able to help?? *sigh*

Urethral plugs is literally the only useful suggestion anyone has made on this thread and I'm off to Google that. And the blanket too, (although it doesn't solve the problem and is really expensive).

Anyhow, it's good that at least now we have spaces to discuss this. For years, when I was younger, I was just embarrassed about this all by myself. Maybe one day it will become so normalized that we won't need to feel like this anymore. But for now, please try to be a bit more considerate...?

[jns]

I understand exactly how the OP feels and I'm sorry to say but all of you saying "omg just be proud of it" or "have you spoken to a doctor?"... clearly, you have no idea what you're talking about. Your advice sounds like a skinny person telling a fat person "have you just tried eating less?" ? like, I know you mean well, but unless this is something you actually deal with yourself, I doubt you can understand how she feels.

Sure, you think it's cool because if/when you do it, it's a once in a while thing, but when it happens EVERY TIME?? and you can't control it? It gets old real fast.

This is something that has also been happening to me ever since I lost my virginity at 21 (I am now 42). Prior to that when I would masturbate, it did not happen. So I dunno what caused it to start.

For the most part, the boyfriends I've had in the past have been okay with it and we quickly learned to keep towels near the bed at all times, but for me? Mentally? It sucked. Every time, I feel stressed, like I can't fully enjoy myself. I feel incredibly self-conscious in any position other than missionary because I don't want to "pee on him" or have it just go everywhere. Also, I can't be having sex on the couch or standing up or in weird places... and forget about getting head! Any time a guy gets started down there, I have to quickly tell them to move on.

It's not about it not feeling good, or thinking he won't like it. Most guys actually do think it's really hot. But that's when it's the first time. Or first 10. After 20 years, I can understand her husband being sick of it, and I can understand the shame and hurt she felt at hearing that, because it's not something we can control. Trust me, if we could, we would 100% choose to orgasm normally. You guys really have no idea... it's such an inconvenience. Even masturbating becomes something you can't really do with any spontaneity.

Oh and for the record, it doesn't feel like you have to pee? And drinking or not drinking beforehand does not affect it. It still happens even if I go pee just before. It still happens even if I orgasm multiple times in a row. And yes, it happens almost every single time. Often, if I'm with a new guy, I will just try not to come because I can't bear having the awkward conversation beforehand. It's such a mood killer ? it's not fun, guys. It's really not. You think it's a fun quirky thing because it's something you can do once a year as a party trick. But it's not like that with us. We have no on/off switch.

As for those saying go to the doctor..... there is hardly even any research on the topic, do you seriously think your local obgyn or urologist is gonna be able to help?? *sigh*

Urethral plugs is literally the only useful suggestion anyone has made on this thread and I'm off to Google that. And the blanket too, (although it doesn't solve the problem and is really expensive).

Anyhow, it's good that at least now we have spaces to discuss this. For years, when I was younger, I was just embarrassed about this all by myself. Maybe one day it will become so normalized that we won't need to feel like this anymore. But for now, please try to be a bit more considerate...?

QueenOfTheSea, welcome to WH Interactive Forums. I understand your frustration with medical professionals when it comes to unusual situations. I have gotten generic responses for those myself and ended up frustrated. The idea of urethral plugs intrigued me so I did a bit of searching. Ones for males were easier to find. Another type of device may be more useful. It is inserted in the outer part of the vagina and puts sideways pressure on the urethra to keep it closed. The question I have with it is "Does the blocking of flow in the urethra cause a feeling of back pressure?" Would that cause an uncomfortable feeling? That device may be useful for receiving oral sex. Best wishes on finding something that works for your situation. I can at least partially appreciate the messiness of the situation but I know it is probably worse than I think.

[Snowy_pines]

In response to Queenofthesea, I have first hand experience with squirting and yes for me, it absolutely feels like I have to pee. Just becasue our experiences are different does not give you the right to invalidate mine with such animosity. I came here to offer support and suggestions from my perspective with what I am dealing with if it does not relate to you then move on.

[KathrynE]

First let me start off by saying THANK YOU for sharing this very REAL issue. I happen to have the same problem (except I can sometimes hold subsequent squirts, but not for long enough!) I do have some tips and some questions I'd love to learn from eachother's experiences!

[DarKar]

I came upon this thread when googling “how can I stop squirting.” My experience is similar to OP. I didn’t even know squirting existed until like a year and a half ago. I’m 48. Ive been having sex since 16 or 17, masturbating maybe a couple years more. Had a number of partners (men) until my husband. We were together and monogamous for over 20 years. Our sex life diminished somewhat after we had kids a few years into our marriage. Then he got sick (cancer) and died, so there was a period of maybe 5 years that I didn’t have sex at all. About a year after his death I wasn’t necessarily ready to date but I was REALLY wanting a sex life again so went through a string of ONSs and NSA partners and started squirting on one of these occasions. I had never even heard of squirting so I was really taken aback. I was also having trouble reaching orgasm, but that was sort of a life-long thing. (Note that when I squirt it is a release and pleasurable at least physically -definitely not mentally - but is not at all an orgasm.) At first the squirting would only happen with internal digital stimulation. Then it started happening when I masturbated (external stimulation). Fast forward a year and now it is happening every time I reach a certain point of arousal, and it’s not just a little squirt, it is like gushes over and over. I even got one of those blankets and soaked it through last time I masturbated. It definitely ruins all spontaneity, cannot use different locations, and is a big old mess. So. Much. Laundry. Not to mention there is a definite urine odor that is not that easy to get out (especially the first time it happened, when sex was on the couch). I have tried urinating beforehand, limiting drinking, even touching myself prior to a sexual encounter to maybe extract some liquid … none of it helps. Oh, and maybe relatedly, in the same time period, I can no longer bring myself to orgasm by just touching myself. I need a powerful vibrator, and even then it can take upwards of an hour. Part of it is the shock and embarrassment I feel every time I squirt, even by myself. I feel like I’ve just started to get my sex life back and this is such a limiting factor. I know a doctor will tell me to do kegels. I’ve had 2 kids, so kegels are already part of my daily routine. Sorry for the long post, it’s just that there is so little info and none of it is helpful and a couple posters on this forum seem to be having the same issue. I would love to know if any of you have found success with either stopping the squirting or finding useful workarounds.

[Wednesday L.F.]

Hello and welcome!
it’s true that a doc might suggest kegels (or just ask if you’re doing them) but they may have other suggestions. I hope you do speak to a doc or (even a nurse at Planned Parenthood, where you can call anonymously) because they may have more questions and suggestions.

[JonnyR]

I wanted to offer a male perspective here, and at the risk of possibly irking some of you who have posted that no matter what people say, squirting can become infuriating for you personally -- I can say that I love this and have dated women who squirted profusely.

Let me tell you from a male's perspective, we think (mostly, despite what some have encountered!) it's awesome.

Why?

For a simple reason: Your "ejaculation" reminds us of our own -- it is an explicit and outward sign of orgasm, arousal, or that we've done something you like.

Most of the time when a woman orgasms, we can't feel it, or even know it's happening unless they tell us.

Despite the fact that sometimes it's uncontrollable (and would occur with almost any stimulation), we find it fascinating, and adapt to whatever mess might be left behind because as you folks are saying, our "mess" has always been a part of our sexuality, so we are very comfortable with outward signs of orgasms and pleasure.

Sometimes when dating past partners that would squirt, we would have fun playing the "who sleeps on the wet spot" game...

We would gather towels, sheets, or whatever and have fun...it was erotic, and fascinating and never became a negative in our sex lives.

I think that if you find someone who is comfortable with their sexuality, open to new experiences, and sees the act for what it is -- a wonderful embodiment of sexuality and pleasure -- I promise it won't even be an issue at all.

Again, reading the threads above I know there is deep frustration and dissatisfaction -- but please, don't worry about trying to mitigate it, stop it, or otherwise change it!

A real guy will LOVE this about you -- and not just in theory, but in practice -- and you'll have a much better sex life as a result.