Wife Can't Orgasm

[Rayn]

In reading through the comments, there are some that i agree and some that i don't. I applaud your effort and concern for wanting to please your wife. But definitely don't take it to the point where either you or she feel pressured to make it happen or disappointment if it doesn't happen. And as someone has already said, things just change over time and the both of you will need to adjust. Here are a few tips that might help.

1 - Does she masturbate and if so, how? I don't need to know. But she needs to know what best works for her. Because if she doesn't, there is no way she can communicate that to you.

2 - Sex toys can be a fun addition. Explore to find something(s) you both can enjoy. I will however give you one piece of advice in this area. As a man, don't be nervous as i once was. Remember, sex toys are your allies and aides, not your competition or replacement.

3 - Is she vocal during sex? If not, encourage her to speak up. Ask things like "how does that feel", "do you like this", and so on. Her providing even the simplest feedback like "harder", "deeper", "faster", "slower" and so on can go a long way to increasing her pleasure.

4 - Is sex more focused on you or her? And no i don't mean you going down on or fingering her as being focused on her. What i mean is, are you exploring her desires, fantasies, or kinks? What does she want to do or try?

5 - If you haven't already done so, try some butt stuff. Much like sex toys, there are just far too many options available to get into any specifics. You don't have to go full anal (unless that's what you're into) but(t) explore to see what you and she might like. Just remember, no matter what, when it comes to butt play, there are 4 golden rules to ALWAYS abide by - consent, lube, hygiene, and more lube. CAUTION: If sex toys are used, only use those that are clean and specifically designed for anal play. Any toy or item used should have a base that will prevent it from fully entering the anus!!

Good luck

[Little_Man_in_the_Boat]

I gotta disagree on a few of these statements. But I think this comment demonstrates pretty clearly that different things work for different people--or can be different for the same person at different times.

That's why communication before, during, and after the act are so vital. For the most part, partners can't read your mind. The best way to get what you want is to ask for it.

A man most know what to do because if he does not then it just won't happen. Most women are fundamentally the same. What differs is there self confidence.

Most women are inhibited to some extent that's why women feel more comfortable with lights off.

I never communicate with my partners ever.

My hands do the communicating.

[Little_Man_in_the_Boat]

I’d def like to add that pressuring oneself, or feeling pressured by a partner, to reach orgasm can make it much more difficult to achieve one.

That is absolutely true the biggest impediment to orgasm is self confidence and the trying too hard to achieve it.
if the women doesn't feel confident in her body she will struggle to let go. She'll be focused on her body and not on just enjoying the pleasure.

Don't try to achieve orgasm just enjoy the foreplay.

Eventually if a man applies enough foreplay an orgasm will arrive its just that one must be slow, patient, gentle.

[Wednesday L.F.]

its the same old issues that continue to re-emerge. to achieve orgasm a women needs foreplay. Hours of foreplay before any kind of penetration. People keep grinding the clitoris which does NOT work !! I get so frustrated because people keep doing the same thing expecting a different result from making the same mistakes. if it doesn't work stop doing it. sigh. is this 2022? were supposed to be evolved and intelligent creations !! I hate to say this we are not ! if anything we are getting dumber and more ignorant. I'll say it again ! foreplay, foreplay, foreplay. The g-spot is nonsense. some dude wrote a book to make a bag of money which doesn't do anything except cause discomfort or worse pain. a nice meal on a warm night achieves more than fingering a women trying to do something that is uncomfortable. if you want to know read my other posts im not writing it again.

I gotta disagree on a few of these statements. But I think this comment demonstrates pretty clearly that different things work for different people--or can be different for the same person at different times.

That's why communication before, during, and after the act are so vital. For the most part, partners can't read your mind. The best way to get what you want is to ask for it.

[Little_Man_in_the_Boat]

My wife and I have known each other for 10 years. We have been married for 7 years. In the early years of our relationship, we would have some pretty ridiculous sex - she would come three times from intercourse in one session. She never had a clitoral orgasm during this time. After a year or so of dating, we decided to stop having sex until we were married. Fast forward to marriage and I'm beyond dreaming of the old days. Since we've been married, I've only been able to make her come by intercourse one time. After a long dry spell, she's now able to come by clitoral simulation. Why in the world are things so different? Any suggestions on how to bring things back to how they were? Thank you.

its the same old issues that continue to re-emerge. to achieve orgasm a women needs foreplay. Hours of foreplay before any kind of penetration. People keep grinding the clitoris which does NOT work !! I get so frustrated because people keep doing the same thing expecting a different result from making the same mistakes. if it doesn't work stop doing it. sigh. is this 2022? were supposed to be evolved and intelligent creations !! I hate to say this we are not ! if anything we are getting dumber and more ignorant. I'll say it again ! foreplay, foreplay, foreplay. The g-spot is nonsense. some dude wrote a book to make a bag of money which doesn't do anything except cause discomfort or worse pain. a nice meal on a warm night achieves more than fingering a women trying to do something that is uncomfortable. if you want to know read my other posts im not writing it again.

[Mr E]

Thank you for the insight. As you have said, it could be pretty much anything mentioned above, except faking it. ? If she was faking, she can control her body incredibly well and we wouldn't be having this discussion.

Her chest and face would turn red, she would instantly sweat behind her knees, and she would shake uncontrollably. I don't see how somebody could fake that.

We both would like to learn more about what may have changed. Thanks for the input.

[Zoë T.]

Don't get me wrong, orgasms are great, but many times in sex the most special things happen during the journey rather than the destination! During all moments of sex, each intimate touch is special, and rather than trying to achieve orgasm, perhaps it would be more helpful to slow things donw and attempt to see each intimate act it's own thrilling experience.

[Wednesday L.F.]

I’d def like to add that pressuring oneself, or feeling pressured by a partner, to reach orgasm can make it much more difficult to achieve one.

[Kayla Lords]

I agree with what's already been advised and would add one thing to think about: Why does it bother you that she doesn't orgasm through penetration? anymore That's a you question more than it's a question about her.

Did you like the sounds she made when she got off during penetration (or appeared to - I'm inclined to agree that there's a chance she was faking it, although it's impossible to know without her confirmation)? Did it make you feel good that having sex with you is what gave her an orgasm?

Thinking about why this bothers you may help you find a direction forward.

If you liked the sounds she made, it's worth a conversation to let her know you like it when she's loud and vocal during sex. Maybe she holds herself back during sex until she reaches the point of orgasm.

Also, if you like being the one to "give" her an orgasm, and what she needs is clitoral stimulation, you can do this (with her consent) - put your hand between your bodies and stroke her clit, hold a vibrator to her clit during penetration, etc, etc. You don't have to be left out of being the reason she's getting off. If she's okay with it, you can help, and you both get what you want and need out of it.

[atskitty2]

Welcome to the forums!
I would agree with Alison's comments, and will add some additional thoughts:
First, I want to clarify what it is you're really driving at with your question. Your title is "Wife Can't Orgasm". In your post, you indicate that she is now having clitoral vs penetrative orgasms, am I right? So, she is having orgasms? And my next question is, is *she* dissatisfied with clitoral orgasms, or are *you* dissatisfied with this difference? This is an important distinction for you to make, I think.

Statistically, most women experience clitoral orgasms almost exclusively, so your wife is not unusual in this. As Alison mentioned, it could be that what she once believed to be the big O, weren't really so at all. That's pure speculation, but I think it's a reasonable conclusion to consider. Another possibility is that she was actually having clitoral orgasms during intercourse. It's possible that the positioning of the anatomy and the right sexual position could have allowed that to happen as well, so it seems to be a vaginal orgasm, but really isn't.

Aside from those details, I would wonder:
Have you added children to the mix? It could be that her body has changed, physically, and her emotional and mental perspective of herself has changed. It could also be that she's concerned about the kids hearing or walking in, or her mind is just simply elsewhere and can't focus, and "let go" enough to fully enjoy sex. Not to mention, hormones!

How about stress? Any career changes or other stressors that could be changing her mental make-up? Children could also be adding to her stress level, in various ways. Never underestimate the effects of stress!

How is your relationship otherwise? Are you both doing things to keep things interesting, both in and out of the bedroom? It could be that she's having an intimacy issue, where she's just not getting her needs fully met, so it's creating a barrier for her. How much are you talking about this issue, outside the bedroom? Have a discussion about it, when it's not sexy time, and see if there's anything that needs to be addressed.

Looking forward to your responses!