[jessica]

I can understand your frustration, but didn't you say she was raped? If so you have to understand hers as well. i my self was raped when i was 13, i'm now 21 and sometimes it still bothers me, it goes so far that i will have dreams about it. or sometimes if it crosses my mind i don't want my boyfriend to even touch me. that isn't something you can just forget about. and that feeling stays with you for a long time. like you're trash or that every guy is going to hurt you the same way. Trust me my boyfriend and i have had many talks about this, but he understands and is never pushy with anything. So basically she has to work it out in her own time. just be there for her, if she needs to talk listen, a shoulder to cry on, hold her. the worst thing you can do is rush her. like i said i can understand how you feel but try to understand what she goes through.

[C]

I like to be the devils advocate...You are 31 and she is 26....To me this means that she has pretty much swung into her sexual self....I was 19 when my husband laid hands on me....I was hot....But, we have a wonderful marriage and relationship.....

What a woman at this age exhibits in a relationship is usually what she is and probably will be...Her libido may be completely different than yours...Condoms that are worn could be twofold...She may be inhibited and not want the ejaculate inside her or else making sure she does not get PG...Either is a possiblility....Because I am the "devils advocate" but not looking for an argument, I would question, was this a rape or might she just not like sex and it be an excuse.....If she does not like sex and only missionary at this age, I would see a very big caution flag...

[Fire(m)]

Good point Caroline. I think there is significant validity to the idea that this is just as far as she goes, or as much as she wants.

Cheers.

[dean]

I remember seeing a post like this but from a girl and everyone was saying kick him to the curb.

[Fire(m)]

I remember that post very well also dean. If I'm not mistaken, I pointed out the incongruence at that time.

In this case, my gut instinct tells me that this relationship isn't going to work. I think she has some issues and I don't think he's the right person to be dealing with a girl with those kind of issues. Hopefully the original poster will let us know how it all works out.

Cheers.

[owlhunter]

Fire(m) speaks wise words!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Maz23\
when she realises you're not going anywhere and you're not going to think any less of her whether or not she goes on top etc she will loosen up, relax and become more confident in bed.

That is a good point... I know that this sounds weird but some girls don't want to let go of everything and experiement preferring to wait until they meet their "husband" as they feel that telling their future husband, yes, i've done that, this, or showing him that she has makes her feel like a ..............

Certainly, she may also still have trouble with the rape situation and if you are wanting a committed relationship, talk to her about this see if she needs help.

Don't stress over the sex bit or future, it's way to early a woman can't open up like that within 8 weeks. I know you think that she should be all over you but that can also be with emotions, kissing, laughing, and hugging, some women want to move slow in the sex department...

Focus on gaining her trust and your love.

That's the only way you are going to ascertain if you are compatible as Fire(m) said, as long as she loves being with you including in the bedroom if you want the other, then stay single and romp around, you just don't know what partnership can bring sexually until you are partners properly.

As for not being ever able to have an Orgasm this may be your problem and reason as to why you want all sorts of sex because of the length of time the sex act is and your worried that you will keep coming out short each time.

Not sure what to suggest there.

CW

[what2do]

That is a good point... I know that this sounds weird but some girls don't want to let go of everything and experiement preferring to wait until they meet their "husband" as they feel that telling their future husband, yes, i've done that, this, or showing him that she has makes her feel like a ..............

Certainly, she may also still have trouble with the rape situation and if you are wanting a committed relationship, talk to her about this see if she needs help.

Don't stress over the sex bit or future, it's way to early a woman can't open up like that within 8 weeks. I know you think that she should be all over you but that can also be with emotions, kissing, laughing, and hugging, some women want to move slow in the sex department...

Focus on gaining her trust and your love.

That's the only way you are going to ascertain if you are compatible as Fire(m) said, as long as she loves being with you including in the bedroom if you want the other, then stay single and romp around, you just don't know what partnership can bring sexually until you are partners properly.

As for not being ever able to have an Orgasm this may be your problem and reason as to why you want all sorts of sex because of the length of time the sex act is and your worried that you will keep coming out short each time.

Not sure what to suggest there.

CW

We talked yesterday and she thinks because I have only been sexually active for less than a year that it is all shiney and new and exciting. She also said she has just had bad sex in the past. I on the other hand have had amazing sex and want ours to be amazing too.
Because everything else is going well I am going to be patient and do what I can.

I am also tryingto work on my probelm. By trying to increase frequency of sex so I can become more comfortqable and recondition my body for this feel. It is a goal of mine to finish and it is all tied together.

In the back of my mind though I am thinking it may not work out.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

We talked yesterday and she thinks because I have only been sexually active for less than a year that it is all shiney and new and exciting. She also said she has just had bad sex in the past. I on the other hand have had amazing sex and want ours to be amazing too.
Because everything else is going well I am going to be patient and do what I can.

I am also tryingto work on my probelm. By trying to increase frequency of sex so I can become more comfortqable and recondition my body for this feel. It is a goal of mine to finish and it is all tied together.

In the back of my mind though I am thinking it may not work out.

Give it a bit longer and as i said, make her feel wanted not just sexually especially sexually but in other compartments and then show that through your love making with her.. She has one point... You so badly want to cum and therefore think about this..... You want her to be so sexual like your other partners so you can work through this and cum... true? You said it read above...

So your eager to fix your problem... She is wary and taking her time. And you really like her as a person.

Problem is, really simple you can't Orgasm and you want to so you want her to be way sexual so you can find the way to do so.

Stop being in such a hurry young one Rome wasn't built in a day.....

Take your time to love, it's way more important than sex, than bring that into it more and more and see where it goes, you may find if you have huge feelings for her instead of "lust after bodies" which Fire(m) really was saying, then you will cum, because you have let go and have emotions instead of "fantasies".....

CW

[owlhunter]

I admire your rational attempt to solve this problem.

I believe she needs professional help. Her attitude towards sex is not normal or healthy.

I suggest you suggest some "couple thearpy"which could then lead gently to her seeing a professional to help her deal with her issues.

And yes it can be a deal breaker. I'm in the process of divorcing my wife of 10 years for partially the same reason you have described. She refused to ever accept she had any issues with respect to our sexual relationship. I lost 10 years of my life. Well, not "lost" but at least not "enjoyed fully" and I'm now in my early 60's. That's right, I "lost" my
50's. And you don't get them back.

Try seeking professional help. You alone cannot help her with her issues, no matter how hard you try, and you seem like a pretty cool person.