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My boyfriend doesn't turn me on... help!

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  • My boyfriend doesn't turn me on... help!

    I have been seeing my boyfriend for about a year now. He is amazing, so caring and generous. I would not trust anyone to look after me like he does. I completely love him and I want to be with him always. The problem is I don't find him physically attractive. I love to cuddle with him but I can't stand kissing or anything sexual. He just doesn't turn me on at all, no matter what he does and unfortunately he has never been able too. This obviously makes sex extremely painful for me and I keep pretending I am having my period/haven't shaved my legs so that I don't have to do it. But I can't go on like this. I don't understand why I don't find him sexy. I have sexual thoughts about other men and I have really enjoyed sex with previous partners so it's not that I am against sex. He is getting really frustrated by all of this and says he can't live without sex. But there are only so many blowjobs I can give without getting really irritated with it all.

    Has anyone else had this problem? Please help.

  • He is amazing, so caring and generous. I would not trust anyone to look after me like he does.
    What do you mean, you would not trust anyone to look after you the way he does?

    Do you think it's the attention, care, gifts, meals what ever it is he showers you with that you like and as such, this is why you are in the relationship?

    You are basically stating, that you never , ever found him sexually attractive, you never lusted after him, and your love sounds more of that for a friend that spoils you than it does, a relationship.

    CW
    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

    Comment


    • Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post
      What do you mean, you would not trust anyone to look after you the way he does?

      Do you think it's the attention, care, gifts, meals what ever it is he showers you with that you like and as such, this is why you are in the relationship?

      You are basically stating, that you never , ever found him sexually attractive, you never lusted after him, and your love sounds more of that for a friend that spoils you than it does, a relationship.

      CW
      Well I did find him attractive in that I really like the idea of kissing him and enjoyed it the first couple of times. But I don't like it now, he always tries to stick his tongue down my throat. It's horrible and it makes me panic and I feel I can't get away when he puts his hands on the back of my head.

      He doesn't buy me presents and he has never taken me out for a meal. I don't like that kind of thing. But he does look after me and protect me. I am a very shy and anxious person and I need him by my side or I cannot do anything. I have been used by men in the past so I find it difficult to talk to men or trust them. But I completely trust my boyfriend. I think this is partly because he is older than me so I trust him to make the right decisions for me.

      Is there a viagra equivalent for women that can make me turned on for him? I don't know what to do and I so badly want to give him what he wants.

      Comment


      • Sorry I meant to write that I really liked the idea of kissing him, when I thought about it before we actually kissed for the first time. So I found that attractive, if that makes sense?

        Comment


        • I don't want to come across rude but it seems like you are with him for the comfort. He takes care of you and you love that. That's not fair to him though. You have to have the sexual intimacy. It's a big part of relationships. Obviously this isn't going to change for you. You said that you have NEVER been attracted to him physically. I don't see it changing though it would be great if it did. I'm sure you don't want to hurt him but in a way, the lying is. He just doesn't know the truth.
          "All the beats and melodies keep realities at bay but what happens when the records done and starts to fade away? Alone within myself again, I try to veil away my pain. The dirty grey surrounding me 'round..... And now I hear no sound."

          Comment


          • Originally posted by ThexMrs View Post
            I don't want to come across rude but it seems like you are with him for the comfort. He takes care of you and you love that. That's not fair to him though. You have to have the sexual intimacy. It's a big part of relationships. Obviously this isn't going to change for you. You said that you have NEVER been attracted to him physically. I don't see it changing though it would be great if it did. I'm sure you don't want to hurt him but in a way, the lying is. He just doesn't know the truth.
            Well I have told him that sex hurts me and I don't like it but he still asks me to do it and I do. Even if I don't let him touch me I always make sure I make him come every time that I see him, just not with penetration. I think that is as fair as I can make it. Last time we tried to have sex it hurt so much I just burst into tears, I couldn't help it. I don't want to hurt him.

            I am just worried that my body won't let me have sex with him because of the age gap between us (18 years) even though I want to. I love this man and I will do anything for him to love me in return.

            I care for him too. I always cook him nice meals and I would like to buy him presents but I don't know what men like!

            Comment


            • I understand that you try to please him by giving him oral sex but you yourself said that at some point that is going to really start to irritate you. You don't like having sex with him. He doesn't turn you on. You don't even like giving him oral or kissing him but you like to cuddle. You should know that, that is not going to be a lasting relationship. If you don't have that sexual intimacy then I really think that he will look for it elsewhere and you'll be crushed, I assume.

              When you are in a relationship, you give your all, your everything to that person and you are holding back. You say that he is 18 years older than you. My boyfriend is 15 years older than me and that is more than okay with me. I love it. I'm very sexually attracted to him. I love having sex with him, oral sex, everything...

              So what's the REAL problem? Does his age bother you? If you weren't physically attracted to him in the first place, what attracted you to him? What made you get to know him?
              "All the beats and melodies keep realities at bay but what happens when the records done and starts to fade away? Alone within myself again, I try to veil away my pain. The dirty grey surrounding me 'round..... And now I hear no sound."

              Comment


              • 18 year age gap?

                How old are you sweet?

                It sounds more to me that you are in-experienced, he is experienced and you are two frightened to open up yourself.

                You don't like tongue kissing, or him holding your head, you feel anxious have you explained this to him, so that you can take this slowly..

                Do you live with this guy, or how often do you see him during the week, does he stay over, or you at his place?

                CW
                PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                Comment


                • Originally posted by ThexMrs View Post


                  So what's the REAL problem? Does his age bother you? If you weren't physically attracted to him in the first place, what attracted you to him? What made you get to know him?
                  His age does bother me slightly as it makes me feel quite inferior as he knows so much more about everything. I met him when I was learning to drive - he was my teacher, so we spent lots of time together in the car talking. That is how I know him.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post
                    18 year age gap?

                    How old are you sweet?

                    It sounds more to me that you are in-experienced, he is experienced and you are two frightened to open up yourself.

                    You don't like tongue kissing, or him holding your head, you feel anxious have you explained this to him, so that you can take this slowly..

                    Do you live with this guy, or how often do you see him during the week, does he stay over, or you at his place?

                    CW
                    I am 20 but I am not that inexperienced. I had slept with three men before I met my boyfriend. I don't live with him. I am at college and he visits me a couple of times a week. He doesn't stay overnight, just visits in the day.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by pearlbeam View Post
                      I am 20 but I am not that inexperienced. I had slept with three men before I met my boyfriend. I don't live with him. I am at college and he visits me a couple of times a week. He doesn't stay overnight, just visits in the day.
                      When I say in-experienced, a man 38 years of age, if you can appreciate, has probably had several relationships, or let's say at least 20 years of sex, certainly... So, he is way more experienced.

                      If you don't feel comfortable with something you need to discuss that with your partner and find other ways, methods that you do feel comfortable with.

                      So, 12 months in a relationship with a man, whom sees you twice a week, never stays over, just visits, during the day and at these times, wishes for sex, but settles for bj's, yes? You don't go out for dinner, he doesn't buy you anything, but he makes you feel safe...

                      So tell me, all the lovely things about him, you know, like where he lives, how far away, have you ever been to his house? Do you ring him lots at home? Does he have kids? What's his favourite hobbie, those types of things, just trying to get a picture here so bare with me...

                      Are you also comfortable with daylight, is his manhood larger than you are used to? This could also be a trigger for why maybe it hurts for you.

                      CW
                      PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by pearlbeam View Post
                        His age does bother me slightly as it makes me feel quite inferior as he knows so much more about everything. I met him when I was learning to drive - he was my teacher, so we spent lots of time together in the car talking. That is how I know him.

                        Maybe you should read, "Is He Mr. Right? By Mira Kirshenba" Lol... I'm not trying to poke fun. I just want to lighten the mood a little. Honestly, I don't put a lot of faith in those books but I read that one and it was actually helpful. It made me think about things that I hadn't before and in the end I knew he was it.

                        I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 36. I have never felt inferior to him. He wouldn't let me if I wanted to. It's all about the chemistry and ours is amazing. We have every aspect of chemistry needed for a good lasting relationship. You have to have them all.
                        "All the beats and melodies keep realities at bay but what happens when the records done and starts to fade away? Alone within myself again, I try to veil away my pain. The dirty grey surrounding me 'round..... And now I hear no sound."

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post
                          When I say in-experienced, a man 38 years of age, if you can appreciate, has probably had several relationships, or let's say at least 20 years of sex, certainly... So, he is way more experienced.

                          If you don't feel comfortable with something you need to discuss that with your partner and find other ways, methods that you do feel comfortable with.

                          So, 12 months in a relationship with a man, whom sees you twice a week, never stays over, just visits, during the day and at these times, wishes for sex, but settles for bj's, yes? You don't go out for dinner, he doesn't buy you anything, but he makes you feel safe...

                          So tell me, all the lovely things about him, you know, like where he lives, how far away, have you ever been to his house? Do you ring him lots at home? Does he have kids? What's his favourite hobbie, those types of things, just trying to get a picture here so bare with me...

                          Are you also comfortable with daylight, is his manhood larger than you are used to? This could also be a trigger for why maybe it hurts for you.

                          CW

                          Oh I see what you mean. Yes he is more experienced as he has been married twice and has 4 children so I assume he has probably had sex a few times! I have not been to his house as he has a daughter who is only a couple of years younger than me and he doesn't want her to know about us in case it upsets her. This is why he can't stay over or contact me in the evenings. I am ok with that as I would probably not feel very comfortable meeting her. But I miss him like crazy and it is so difficult not being able to talk to him when I want. I get really down being on my own every night when all the other girls have their boys with them 24/7.

                          He isn't that big, probably verging on below average as he seems quite ashamed of it, although it doesn't bother me. Afterall a penis is a penis right? So that is not a problem. The problem is I just don't get wet or have any sexual feelings when he is kissing or touching me. Whereas when I have been with other men I get turned on just by the thought of what is going to happen (sorry if too graphic. I didn't know which was the right forum for this).

                          Comment


                          • Well, you don't have much intimacy with him, dinners, him staying over, it's kind of almost like a "fling" of sorts, not enough emotions involved, see where I am coming from? 2 days a week at your place and in day light... Nothing to go on there, other than can't wait to see him.

                            I know I am going to sound like a mum, but I have to ask, it's just that you have never been to his house, you don't even ring, he doesn't ring you?

                            If his daughter is your age, thereabouts, she is off doing her own thing at nights, with her mates, or in her room on a computer, or by the TV, there is absolutely no reason what so ever, that he can't call you a few times a week and chat, or go to his room and talk to you from there, via mobile phone, none....

                            UNLESS

                            He's married...

                            That's my opinion.... I'm sorry but it is...

                            It's not adding up.

                            CW
                            PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by ThexMrs View Post
                              Maybe you should read, "Is He Mr. Right? By Mira Kirshenba" Lol... I'm not trying to poke fun. I just want to lighten the mood a little. Honestly, I don't put a lot of faith in those books but I read that one and it was actually helpful. It made me think about things that I hadn't before and in the end I knew he was it.

                              I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 36. I have never felt inferior to him. He wouldn't let me if I wanted to. It's all about the chemistry and ours is amazing. We have every aspect of chemistry needed for a good lasting relationship. You have to have them all.
                              I haven't heard of that book but I will look it up. I am glad you are happy with your boyfriend. It would be nice to have a relationship like that but I am not a very goodlooking girl so I don't expect too much! How did feel about telling your family about the age gap or were they just happy for you anyway? I would be worried to tell my parents about my boyfriend in case they were upset.

                              Comment

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