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My boyfriend doesn't turn me on... help!

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  • Originally posted by pearlbeam View Post
    I haven't heard of that book but I will look it up. I am glad you are happy with your boyfriend. It would be nice to have a relationship like that but I am not a very goodlooking girl so I don't expect too much! How did feel about telling your family about the age gap or were they just happy for you anyway? I would be worried to tell my parents about my boyfriend in case they were upset.

    It talks about the 5 dimensions of chemistry. I think that was the most important part of the whole book but there is a section on sex. You should look into it. I hope that it helps.

    Thank you... It wasn't always great though. We had our fights but we've been able to work through them all. I love him and that's all that matters.

    Honestly, I don't believe that looks have anything to do with being in a good relationship. They have you love you for you and vice versa. I don't think that I am a good looking girl but my boyfriend does. He loves me for me and it's amazing.

    I had no problem telling my family how old he was. I knew that it would be an issue but I don't really care what my family things about his age. I just want them to like him for who he is and how he treats me.

    I have two older brothers and neither were happy. They said somevery mean things to me and about him. Examples:

    "He's a rapist."

    "If I had a 21 year old girl that put out for me I'd be with her too."

    "He's an /douche bag/fag."

    "If you get married, I'm not coming to the wedding."

    And these were all based upon me just telling them his age. They've never met him. It really hurt me.

    My mother met him though. She liked him. She said he was very genuine, kind and she loved that he looks you in the eyes. He doesn't act shifty. He's a total stand up guy but... She has told me to see other people which I refuse. I am with who I want to be.

    My hope is that in time my brothers can meet him and see for themselves that he's great!
    "All the beats and melodies keep realities at bay but what happens when the records done and starts to fade away? Alone within myself again, I try to veil away my pain. The dirty grey surrounding me 'round..... And now I hear no sound."

    Comment


    • Originally posted by pearlbeam View Post
      Well I think he is still married but they are separated. I don't know if they still live together or not (for the younger childrens' sake). At the end of the day he is choosing to be with me at the moment but he probably won't if I can't perform in the bedroom. I could not bear to lose him as he means absolutely everything to me. I am willing to try anything to find that chemistry that ThexMrs talked about as I believe he is the one for me.

      Wow... You need to get out. I'm sorry... I shouldn't tell you what to do. I was in the same situation. I was getting to know this guy for a year and at the end of it he told me that he was married, separated and had two kids. They still lived together but he slept on the couch. The divorce was never going to happen or at least I didn't see it that way because his children were 6 and 9. I told him no... I said unless you get divorced I refuse to do anything with you meaning be with you, not sex. That was not something we EVER did. I am very choosy when it comes to that. He's still married and wants to be with me but I told him that he shouldn't contact me anymore. I told him that I am happy with my boyfriend.
      "All the beats and melodies keep realities at bay but what happens when the records done and starts to fade away? Alone within myself again, I try to veil away my pain. The dirty grey surrounding me 'round..... And now I hear no sound."

      Comment


      • Got a feeling CW is right, you don't go out to eat, haven't been to his house in a year, doesn't call in the evening. Sounds like you are little bit on the side. I bet he lives with his wife and kids.

        You have serious work to do. You cannot have a good relationship with anyone if you are so emotionally dependent. You are setting yourself up to be abused. I'll bet student services offers counseling services - check it out. Make some freinds, start getting out more with people in your own age group.

        Your body knows what your mind is not seeing - he is not right for you.

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        • If he doesn;t turn you on than change another bf. You can't even turn on to him now how would you expect yourself to live with himf ro the rest of your life

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          • Im not done reading everything but before I forget: Do you even KNOW where he lives? Has he told you? It does sound like a married man to me. Im off to finish reading.

            Ok. I think that Chandlers Wish and Wild Child are totally right. I dont have much time to reply on here because Im about to go get something to eat. I think that he is using you. I think he is probably married. If not married, he is with other women. I think that everyone sees people differently. You may not find yourself attractive, but others may. Some people you may not find attractive, may be to others. I think that you should spend some time without a significant other and just hang out with friends. You need to find yourself. You have to learn not to rely on a man's comfort. Gotta go. Good luck.
            Last edited by CHANDLERS WISH; 02-18-2009, 08:49 PM. Reason: merge

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            • To ThexMrs: It's really sad that your brothers don't accept your boyfriend. Those are exactly the type of reactions that I fear I would receive if I told anyone about my boyfriend. It is fantastic that you have your mum's support though, and I hope that the rest of your family accepts your relationship in time.

              Millycyrus: I had hoped that I could change how I feel about him sexually, maybe as we got more comfortable with each other. As it is both of us really hate our bodies so it is not fun.

              I am still not sure if he is married or not. We didn't check much chance to talk today. I don't really have anything to compare it to as this is my first real relationship. The men I previously slept with were one night stands/holiday fling (regretably). I would love something more but I am so lucky to even have this man's attention that I don't want to push it with him. I know I know! Needy, dependent etc etc but he says he likes that I need him and he wants to protect me. I think in a way it makes him feel manlier knowing how much I look up to him, so it is quite a compliment.

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              • I don't know what else to say, seriously.

                Except this:-

                1. As long as you are with this man - you will never meet a man you can spend 7 days a week with, sleep over night with, have breakfast with, get dressed up and go out to dinner with, meet his family and him yours.......

                2. He's married, he's told you so.... And, we've explained why he can't call you, it's because he can't because he is MARRIED... not separated, or living in the same house, separated, but married or else he could and would call and in addition, stay over or see you at night time, because, he's separated.

                3. As such, his wife probably has NO IDEA, what so ever, whilst she is cooking his meals, cleaning the house, sleeping next to him every night of the week, 7 days a week, having sex with him, whilst you are there waiting for 2 day a week, day time visit.

                Is there someone that you trust that you can confide all of this with and let them check it all out for you?

                If you found out that he is married, and sleeps with her every night would it make a difference to you?

                What about her? The lady who has no idea what he is doing behind her back?

                I know you don't "think" you can have someone treat you nicely but you can, and I know you don't believe that you can find a boy to have a relationship with but you can.

                Your swapping lonliness for "part lonliness" at the end of the day, you know your lonley the other 5 days of the week, every night when you go to bed...... when you eat your meals alone......

                ALONE...

                What's the difference?

                We all hate being alone sweet.... But, this is wrong on so many levels...

                A boyfriend, takes you out
                A boyfriend, stays over
                A boyfriend, meets your friends
                A boyfriend, sees you night and day

                You need a boyfriend, for sure, not an affair with a married man...

                Sorry... I'm not giving you a hard time but you really need to see that your clinging to something because you have nothing else to cling to.

                CW
                PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                Comment


                • To ThexMrs: It's really sad that your brothers don't accept your boyfriend. Those are exactly the type of reactions that I fear I would receive if I told anyone about my boyfriend. It is fantastic that you have your mum's support though, and I hope that the rest of your family accepts your relationship in time
                  It is really sad but I know that once they meet him it will be totally different. They will have to accept him and once they get to see the way he acts and treats me, they'll see how great he is. That's really what I am waiting for but that will have to wait because next time I'm meeting his family. I'm EXCITED but also NERVOUS! He said the only one I have to worry about is his sister. She's about 3 years older than he is and she's "Mother Hen." She's really the one I'm afraid of, lol. He said that she will love me, that they all will. I'm glad to hear that.

                  I do have her support somewhat. She still tells me to see other people because I'm young and my life is just beginning but regardless, I love my boyfriend and he IS what I want without a doubt. Two weeks ago though she finally accepted that I love him. She came out and said, "I know you love him." During a talk we were having. That has changed everything.

                  Last edited by CHANDLERS WISH; 02-18-2009, 08:46 PM.
                  "All the beats and melodies keep realities at bay but what happens when the records done and starts to fade away? Alone within myself again, I try to veil away my pain. The dirty grey surrounding me 'round..... And now I hear no sound."

                  Comment


                  • hmm...One of my posts disappeared...weird. Anywho, I meant TheXMrs and WildChild Not chandlerswish. I got another thread mixed up.

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                    • Originally posted by KateyBaby View Post
                      hmm...One of my posts disappeared...weird. Anywho, I meant TheXMrs and WildChild Not chandlerswish. I got another thread mixed up.

                      Nup, you got this one mixed up

                      Chandlers Wish is the person whom "stated" the guy is married. Wildchild agrees, ThexMrs, is discussing her own situation, simular as ages go in relationships with the threader.

                      I think KateyBaby needs to re-read and eat, lol, before she replies to a thread....

                      CW
                      PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                      Comment

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