[Guest]

Ok. I think I understand.

Yes a man should show interest in the women but by no means should he act as if he is beneath her.

I agree, but who said anything about acting beneath her? As if going on a date, and spending time with someone is acting beneath you?

[/quote]


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As far as the question of how women can differentiate who is using them and who isn't.

First is to lose the mentality as if men are out to get you! Second is that he will naturally put you off if you sense he is into you just for sex. Im sure every women here has got the uneasy feeling from a mans advances.

Live laugh and love

No - don't lose that mentality. Guys ARE out to get you. We are programmed to fawk anything and everything that moves. Most will take anything and everything from you that you are willing to give.

(edit)- they want to use you..they prey on weak women with low self esteem....as if that's any ego boost...to pay for their dinners and give them sex. Honorable.

[Livelaughlove]

I said what I had to say...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

grrrrrr... Debates are okay.

Let me rephrase the question.

I have young friends, as well as older naturally, but us older ones can "get" when a man is trying us on, purely and simply for sex and then that's our choice.

These, young friends, sure their hormones are jumping around and they love sex, but they question me, "why can't I find someone who wants me?".. In-other-words, they give it up and then get dumped.

So, sure, we can say, keep your legs closed longer.

But, from guys points of views, or women's how do they "detect" what's bull and what's real.

This seems to be their dilemma.

What maybe can they do, to get into a relationship, instead of being used.

How can they ascertain, the rubbish from the real.

Probably need an example to provide to you and will but lets see if this actually gets more thoughts.

There's no right or wrong answers, nor not providing pick up lines, maybe those can help them as well, perhaps I headed it wrong...

[baja]

CW, all I can add is that a woman must pay close attention without letting her heart override her brain. Men who are interested more in the woman than the person can be detected rather quickly as long as judgment isn't clouded.

Look for what they reward -- if it has more to do with the physical side of the relationship as opposed to an intellectual or spiritual connection then don't expect things to last very long. There can be exceptions, where the physical can lead to an expansion of the relationship into the other two areas but as long as a relationship is grounded in only one, then the days are numbered.

[OG612]

Okay, I have a few friends from 20 - 28.

As strange as that sounds, it's my life and I wouldn't change it...

However, they ask seemingly over and over, how do you know who is using you and who is real?

That's because these guys don't have the sac to man up and seduce you properly. They've been relegated to the dreaded "Friend's Zone" but dream about you several nights a week. They voice their concern like this hoping you'll see that they are "real" and not just out to use you.

How the heck do I answer that?

Easy! "I can't always tell who the player is and who the honest guys are upfront. Part of the excitement of life is figuring it out as you play this game of Life. Sometimes you're flush and other times you're bust. But hey... you can't win them all! "

Well with more questions obviously about that particular guy however:-

Guys your take:

To help me help them even more:

OTYA, your thread was magnificent and created this one...

So guys;

Think carefully and/or back, your best pickup lines and your best approaches to get her in bed.

I'll need the link to OYTA's thread to understand what you're saying here.

I use language patterns. I go in with something playful to get a cheap laugh, get the introductions out of the way, and then use the power of the spoken word to my advantage. I'm not hypnotizing them by any means. I just make it easier for them to say yes. Keep in mind that the ability to say "No" is still there.

I'll start with something ambiguous to get a little info on them. Nothing too personal. Questions like "So what's your story" or "What separates you from the rest of the women here? And you can't say your looks because, face it... that's cheating! "

Banter and BS a bit more, have some laughs, find out some more info. I'm hitting attraction switches by making them laugh. I'm building comfort by getting a tad personal, but non-intrusive. Then the inevitable question comes up: So what are you looking for?

OG: I'm not looking for anything serious. I'm out to have a good time and see what happens. I'm a lot like a door. When it's closed, you wonder what's behind it. But when it's open, you see all the possibilities to travel in to a different universe and come out better for it. Then you get to see what's beyond the walls. You see how drab and ordinary it is. So you return to the door and allow yourself to let go. You know it's safe but exciting. Right now the door is only propped open. You are only able to catch a glimpse of what's inside. But if you want to truly want to expand your horizons, then reach out and open the door and see what's inside.

I don't use this verbatim. It's different each time I use it. There are also vocal inflections, a specific tonality, and lots of body language involved in this pattern. Not everyone says "yes." But more say "yes" than "no."

How can a young girl, differentiate from like verses going to get you into bed?

I know this is posed to the ladies, but I want to comment.

Most can't differentiate the difference between liking somebody and LIKING somebody. They feel that if they don't put out, then he'll move on to someone/thing that will. Why? Because it sucks to be alone. They don't want to be alone any more than I do. But this turns in to being clingy and very needy of/for affection and attention. And they wonder why they can't find a "good guy" out there.

Your the man

Awwww! Thanks, babe!

Or you have had some experiences that go ahhh.. Pray tell for the younger generation on this Forum.

Words for every young woman to live by from a respected gentleman and worthy playboy:

Manage Expectations Up Front If it's just a sex thing, fine. But don't use sex as a means to keep him around.

Set Boundaries and Limitations Let each other know what is acceptable behavior from the start. I don't allow my women to sleep with other men. And I won't bring another woman in to my life without sharing her with you first. Sometimes, it's just you. Sometimes it you plus 3. The only promises I make are (A) to never screw around behind your back and (B) to treat you how I want to be treated.

Take Some Time for Yourself I hate it when the women in my life are constantly calling and texting me. I need time for myself. So do you. I work a lot. So should you. Just because we're not at work doesn't mean that we need to be in each other's presence. Constant interaction leads to things heating up too quickly. It's almost always destined to fail. Slow it down and enjoy yourself. There's more to life than paychecks and orgasms. When it's time to shift in to the next gear, you'll know it.

OG

[OG612]

This is a matter of what type of man you are dealing with and what kind of woman. LLL is right about standing out but what grabs me, may not be what grabs your attention. Our dear LLL and OG are of one type, OTYA is another.
For both men and women what they are looking for in sex partner will not be as in depth as what is looked for life partner.

Just to clarify a bit. Yes, OTYA is of one persuasion. L3 is of another. And while somewhat similar, I am of a different persuasion yet again. The difference between L3 and I are subtle and vast. Unfortunately I'm too tired to get in to all of this at the moment.

No - don't lose that mentality. Guys ARE out to get you. We are programmed to fawk anything and everything that moves. Most will take anything and everything from you that you are willing to give.

Those guys are predators. They're out for "me and me only." And that is in opposition to someone like me. I'm all about the fun, adventure, and excitement. I don't need gifts and trinkets to show I'm appreciated. Her wonderful energy is enough for me to know how much I'm appreciated. I also live by the philosophy of "Leave her better than you found her." And the vast majority of the time that is exactly what I do.

(edit)- they want to use you..they prey on weak women with low self esteem....as if that's any ego boost...to pay for their dinners and give them sex. Honorable.

I LOVE finding out that one of the women I'm dating suffers from low self-esteem (LSE)! To watch her transform from a shy, introverted caterpillar who miraculously changes herself in to a butterfly... AMAZING! I dated a woman for most of 2008 whom I could push around real easy if I wanted to. But I didn't. Not my style. She went from agreeing with every little thing I wanted to do, because she didn't confident enough in herself to stand up for herself, to turn around start putting my own shat back on me... I was proud of her!

What L3 is saying (and he may not realize this), is that you should not approach a woman from a place of supplication, but rather a place of appreciation.

Kanga, because I appreciate you, I'm not going to take you out on the same tired dates you've been going on for the last 20+ years. Will there be a dinner and/or movie date? Of course! I'm still lookin' for someone to go see the new Harry Potter movie with! =) I'm still looking for a woman to check out this Brazilian steakhouse with. Will that be the bulk of our going out time? No. Will we spend more lowering each other's IQ points through powerful, eye rolling, toe curling, loss of all bodily functions sex than enjoying each other's company and having productive fun together? No. Will the aforementioned sex take place? Dam right it will. But it's because we want to and not because we can't think of anything better to do.

CLARIFICATION.... These, young friends, sure their hormones are jumping around and they love sex, but they question me, "why can't I find someone who wants me?".. In-other-words, they give it up and then get dumped.

Your younger gal pals give it up too quick and get dumped for the reasons I listed in my previous post. Your younger guy friends experience this problem as well for different reasons. They're simply not educated in how the world of relationships work. They think "I'm the man so I have to do all of this stuff you see in the movies." So they wine and dine. They buy flowers and chocolates so often their girlfriends can go in to retail for themselves! They always pick up the check. They end up neglecting their own friends and losing a good portion of their social circle.

Why? Because they've been socially castrated and emasculated by women for too long. They believe the movies. They believe their girl friends who tell them "Just be yourself and the right girl will come along." All the while these guys are getting shat on and used like a door mat because they lack the strength to say "This kind of behavior is inappropriate. Disrespect me again and it's over."

For all the girls out there that say they want a "nice guy"... PFFFFT!! They've HAD the nice guy 100 times! The problem with Mr. Nice Guy is that he won't stand up for himself. So while Suzie Sweetheart is griping about not finding Mr. Nice Guy, he's next door griping about how all women are cold-hearted bitc#es.

If they would only open their eyes and see the truth, their perception of reality would be shattered by the overwhelming truth.

OG

[Joy]

Slow it down and enjoy yourself. There's more to life than paychecks and orgasms. When it's time to shift in to the next gear, you'll know it.

OG

OMG I remember living like that... crazy times

[Guest]

Just to clarify a bit. Yes, OTYA is of one persuasion. L3 is of another. And while somewhat similar, I am of a different persuasion yet again. The difference between L3 and I are subtle and vast. Unfortunately I'm too tired to get in to all of this at the moment.

OG

I'm just curious as to what "persuasion" I've been pegged to.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

That's because these guys don't have the sac to man up and seduce you properly. They've been relegated to the dreaded "Friend's Zone" but dream about you several nights a week. They voice their concern like this hoping you'll see that they are "real" and not just out to use you.



Easy! "I can't always tell who the player is and who the honest guys are upfront. Part of the excitement of life is figuring it out as you play this game of Life. Sometimes you're flush and other times you're bust. But hey... you can't win them all! "



I'll need the link to OYTA's thread to understand what you're saying here.

I use language patterns. I go in with something playful to get a cheap laugh, get the introductions out of the way, and then use the power of the spoken word to my advantage. I'm not hypnotizing them by any means. I just make it easier for them to say yes. Keep in mind that the ability to say "No" is still there.

I'll start with something ambiguous to get a little info on them. Nothing too personal. Questions like "So what's your story" or "What separates you from the rest of the women here? And you can't say your looks because, face it... that's cheating! "

Banter and BS a bit more, have some laughs, find out some more info. I'm hitting attraction switches by making them laugh. I'm building comfort by getting a tad personal, but non-intrusive. Then the inevitable question comes up: So what are you looking for?

OG: I'm not looking for anything serious. I'm out to have a good time and see what happens. I'm a lot like a door. When it's closed, you wonder what's behind it. But when it's open, you see all the possibilities to travel in to a different universe and come out better for it. Then you get to see what's beyond the walls. You see how drab and ordinary it is. So you return to the door and allow yourself to let go. You know it's safe but exciting. Right now the door is only propped open. You are only able to catch a glimpse of what's inside. But if you want to truly want to expand your horizons, then reach out and open the door and see what's inside.

I don't use this verbatim. It's different each time I use it. There are also vocal inflections, a specific tonality, and lots of body language involved in this pattern. Not everyone says "yes." But more say "yes" than "no."



I know this is posed to the ladies, but I want to comment.

Most can't differentiate the difference between liking somebody and LIKING somebody. They feel that if they don't put out, then he'll move on to someone/thing that will. Why? Because it sucks to be alone. They don't want to be alone any more than I do. But this turns in to being clingy and very needy of/for affection and attention. And they wonder why they can't find a "good guy" out there.



Awwww! Thanks, babe!



Words for every young woman to live by from a respected gentleman and worthy playboy:

Manage Expectations Up Front If it's just a sex thing, fine. But don't use sex as a means to keep him around.

Set Boundaries and Limitations Let each other know what is acceptable behavior from the start. I don't allow my women to sleep with other men. And I won't bring another woman in to my life without sharing her with you first. Sometimes, it's just you. Sometimes it you plus 3. The only promises I make are (A) to never screw around behind your back and (B) to treat you how I want to be treated.

Take Some Time for Yourself I hate it when the women in my life are constantly calling and texting me. I need time for myself. So do you. I work a lot. So should you. Just because we're not at work doesn't mean that we need to be in each other's presence. Constant interaction leads to things heating up too quickly. It's almost always destined to fail. Slow it down and enjoy yourself. There's more to life than paychecks and orgasms. When it's time to shift in to the next gear, you'll know it.

OG

This thread is actually very interesting as I read the many replies based on my non ability to ask the correct question "but it will come to me"

I am talking about 20 - 28 year old "friends" girlfriends not guys, I do appreciate and understand that I acutally have alot of male guys trying to pick this cougar up... lol... as well.

OTYA stated a thread for guys to answer girls, that is what started this instead of invading his thread which was an excellent idea, i wanted to ask how to handle the "girls 20+ who just don't seem to get how guys use every line in the book, to get what they want.

I also have to say and I am sorry for all, 0TYA answered me in that regard.

Yet we have already debated a few times but you all don't realise that your answers are still the key to those I point here to read.

They are, as I said before all correct.

A 20 year old girl can work it for herself but some have all the goods that make the best relationship a guy could ask for as a 30 year old as well but they are torn and twisted in so many directions they don't "GET" a lie from the truth, so I guess again, I am just trying to give them an opinion of how a guy hooks up, how he sinkers, sucks her in, how to avoid it.

I love all that I have read, this seems to be very different than the usual norm answer, rather everyone is deep in their thinking which is wicked.

As I said, there is no right or wrong but please keep writing cause this is something all girls who get sucked in by a man need to read to understand, what ever your take.

Thanks all sincerely so far, this is a great response, varied and real and in tune with the question at hand , just in different aspects.

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Kanga, because I appreciate you, I'm not going to take you out on the same tired dates you've been going on for the last 20+ years. Will there be a dinner and/or movie date? Of course! I'm still looking' for someone to go see the new Harry Potter movie with! =) I'm still looking for a woman to check out this Brazilian steakhouse with. Will that be the bulk of our going out time? No. Will we spend more lowering each other's IQ points through powerful, eye rolling, toe curling, loss of all bodily functions sex than enjoying each other's company and having productive fun together? No. Will the aforementioned sex take place? Dam right it will. But it's because we want to and not because we can't think of anything better to do.

Spat coffee, giggled like a teenager, then read it again!!!!!!!!!

That's actually a great key right there, okay hold on a second I was married for 7 and a half.. pfttt. And, a workaholic....

And, I don't LIKE HARRY POTTER.!

Everything else you said, I'm ready, you?

Point being, i actually did read that twice, and see, that's a case of getting sucked in, except i am 34 lol, so i am mature enough to read it as it's worth right to the end, and in that light? Yep.. We would, whoever we were, cause that is what maturity is about..

Younger, that is a line and that would make her surcum... in 1st date... which is what I am trying to teach her, them, "NOT TO", lol..

But, the scenario, though pattern on how to? Very Good.