[Amber]

There'll be a quiz on this on Monday by the way!

Ok, I'm afraid to ask but how am I going to get quized on this? Multiply choice, essay, or demonstrative?

[Texinator]

Demonstrative You'll have to give us five of your best lines. You'll be graded on content, style, and how much we go

[Amber]

Demonstrative You'll have to give us five of your best lines. You'll be graded on content, style, and how much we go

And what happens if I fail this quiz because most likely I will?

[Texinator]

Then we'll just have to tutor you.

[Amber]

Then we'll just have to tutor you.

Trust me Teach, I still need a lot of help.

I tried and nothing comes to mind. I was never the creative or really descriptive one. And when I touch myself, I'm not really in a dirty kind of mood so far.

But then I'm still having trouble completely focusing on it, especially since the last person who ever touched me before myself was my ex. I'm trying to wipe away those memories of how sweet it was but it is not easy. I can't even duplicate the feelings his touch gave me but that is probably because my mind isn't in it fully as it had been when he was doing it. As I had mentioned before, he use to cause me to shiver all over. So I have practically given up on trying to make it feel like that. I'm not sure I want to even experience that kind of feeling on my own. It sort of takes away the sweetness of it all.

So when I touch myself it is not as lightly as he use to do it. The Enya music helps me to relax some when I touch myself but not completely. It depends on how stressed out I am before I start. I tried today but I was't in the mood to talk dirty. Maybe because I really didn't know what to say and I wasn't feeling too sexy anyways. I tried another DVD also today. Even then, it didn't get me in the mood.

[Texinator]

Well maybe then you just need to [C E N S O R E D]

[WildChild]

Don't think of it as being "dirty", it isn't unless you think sex is dirty. Think of it as arousing, evocative, sensual communication.

[Amber]

Well maybe then you just need to [C E N S O R E D]

What? lol

[Amber]

Don't think of it as being "dirty", it isn't unless you think sex is dirty. Think of it as arousing, evocative, sensual communication.

That is part of my problem, as far as I can tell, I don't know what arouses my body. Call me strange but watching a guy on a screen touch his private parts doesn't arouse me, as least as far as I can tell. I liked that first DVD because he was acting naturally nude and once in a while touching himself but not often. He wasn't just sitting there stroking himself. I wish I could find more DVDs like that. Watching a guy stroke himself may set most women off but it doesn't for me. Maybe because I have never watched a guy do that to himself in real life. The most I have done was touch him myself but stupidly I wasn't thinking anything arousing while touching him. Actually both guys. Like I said before I had no idea what to think. I knew it was pleasing him and that made me happy to do that for him but other than that, I didn't know what to think.

But as for arousing myself, with what I now know, if it was real life and I was looking at him and touching him, that may be different. After all, like I mentioned before, my ex did find me wet before. Imagine if I was relaxed, what could have happened. I can imagine touching his waste above may arouse me but not below that.

But then you say, what about the privates?! As for actually touching his privates, what does a woman think when they are touching that? The only reaction I can think of is either you know it is pleasing him or maybe you have the power to please him. That may make you feel powerful or happy to please him. But what arousing thoughts are women thinking when touching it? I don't know how to connect the two.

But since I don't have a guy to practice on, I need to do this on my own. I don't know what to say to arouse myself. I'm not trying to be difficult. As I said before, I'm just lousy at being creative with words, especially when it is words that I'm not use to using. I'm not sure my mind knows what to hear to become aroused anyways. I'm probably sounding quite stupid right now but that is how I'm feeling right now. That is why I had asked for a website. I need it lay out to me. I know it won't just come to my mind naturally, at least nothing that would arouse me.

I'm wondering if talking like that is the way for me to go right now, especially when it feels so difficult to me. But then I guess it won't get easier if I don't try. I tried for a few minutes the other day but nothing came to mind that sounded arousing to me, so I gave up.

[Amber]

As for sex being dirty, I don't know. The way I see it is there is sex and then there is making love. Ok, maybe that is the foolish romantic in me but that is how I see it.

Making love is when you are with a guy who has feelings for you and you are touching each other, doing what you can to please and arouse each other. Wanting to please their partner and touching them as a sign of how much you love and adore them. Even though he may not have loved me, my ex did have feelings for me. At least I believe he thought himself to have them. If that changed after for him, and he realized that those feelings were not real, I don't know.

Then there is sex. When a couple are touching each other just to get aroused with no emotional feeling as part of it. Maybe that is not dirty but I'm not sure how to describe it. I just know friends with benefits or one night stands is not the same as making love in my book. I'm not sure how to view it. And yes, that is how I lost my virginity, having sex not making love.