[Amber]

Hi Amber-

You said you don't want people to think that you are ignoring them. But you're ignoring me.

Way back on page 9 or so I suggested visiting your GP to get a blood test done and a hormonal screen.

Have you done that?

You should.

Your hormones are the building blocks of your thoughts and feelings. If they are off, you'll never have these feelings that you are so desperately looking for.

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. Let's shake up this slump.

Everything you are saying in this rather lengthy thread suggests that you
have a testosterone deficiency.

You should address that, it's your most likely avenue for success.

Please do so.

And good luck.

Well, last time I check you stepped out for a month or two.

I can feel when I use the vibrator. Wouldn't I not feel that if was a testosterone problem?

[Amber]

If all your FWB's did was that, that's all you know.

Amber you haven't had partners persay but your trying on your own to find which is excellent but it's more of finding the "right" partner that is in tune with you.

Kissing can make you sigh, breathe differently, feel lustful.
Him finding your weak spots, may be your neck, the bottom of your back, your breasts.
Touching you there is only "another" thing not "the thing".

So not having anyone in your life, or a past experience that you can bring to your mind, will not assist you in "finding"...

Coupled with stress, which is a killer sexually, no wonder.

Remember our minds are very powerful but if you have nothing stored in there to go off of, how can you honestly, recall and act on that?

CW, I definitely agree with what you are saying. But some people have been telling me I should find out before the next guy comes along.

My guess is I need to work on having the orgasm but the other parts, wait until the next guy comes along to see if he can figure me out. I don't know what else to do.

[WildChild]

Well, last time I check you stepped out for a month or two.

I can feel when I use the vibrator. Wouldn't I not feel that if was a testosterone problem?

Testosterone affects your sex drive, not your nerves.

[Amber]

Testosterone affects your sex drive, not your nerves.

So what does that actually mean by sex drive? Is that what you feel without someone touching you. Just by looking at someone? Or is it more?

I have a friend who said looking at some one doesn't turn him on. But he definitely feels and is turned on during sex. Does that mean he is low on testosterone?

[Amber]

If it was testosterone connected, I wonder why I don't have any of the other symptoms. I don't have fatigue, loss of muscle strength and mass, accumulation of fat, especially around the abdomen (I'm the thinnest I have ever been this past year in the stomach due to exercise), Vaginal dryness, sudden absence of menstruation, or hot flashes. The only thing that I do have is the lack of sex drive, I guess.

[Amber]

I guess I could schedule a physical. I haven't had one in over a year. I had the gynacologist appointment back in October and I'm not going back there until next October. But I feel more comfortable with my primary doctor than my gynacologist. I have only had one appointment with the gynacologist and I don't really feel comfortable at all with him. As for my primary, he'll do any kind of blood test that you want if you ask him for it. Just getting the first appointment of the day is the challenge. It would probably take a few months. But who cares. It is not like there is a guy in the picture anyways. Having a sex drive without a guy in the picture would probably just suck anyways, wishing for it with a guy and not getting it. I will not give myself to just any guy to please my sex drive. And having an orgasm on your own would probably be nice but I bet it is not nearly as good as it is with the guy.

[ItsASecret]

Checking testosterone does nothing but put your mind at ease to know whether or not your levels are average. Do lower levels mean you will have no sex drive? No. Do higher levels mean you will have a high sex drive? No. Does it mean if you are having a lot of sex and enjoying everything about it all day and night craving every second that you have a higher testosterone? No. If you are not interested in sex does it mean you have lower levels? No. Is it a possibility? Yes. Of course there will be women with lower sex drives who have lower testosterone, and of course there will be women who have high drives that have higher testosterone levels. However correlation does not imply causation. There is no black and white answer to this.

If you have lowered testosterone levels the doc will say "you have lower than normal testosterone levels, we can fix that if you would like". Fixing it will not guarantee anything, and technically you are still going to be a healthy person even if you do not increase testosterone levels. If 'fixing' a sex drive was as simple as getting a prescription for testosterone then countless millions of women would have already had their problems solved. It is simply not that easy. There are no pharmaceuticals (that are legal and FDA approved) that target female sexual desire/arousal/sex drive and give very consistent promising results. There are companies trying very hard to make them though because there are billions of dollars to be made for the first company to get it right. I am often all for drug therapy to combat whatever issue a person may be dealing with but when it comes to this material there is no drug to use, and there is nothing a doctor can do to absolutely give a woman a good shot at increasing her sex drive. There can be a lot of "well we can give this a try"...and often it fails or succumbs to the placebo effect (this effect is not actually a bad thing if you think about it).

[WildChild]

Why not talk to your sex therapist about it?

[Amber]

Why not talk to your sex therapist about it?

I have stopped the sex therapist for a while. Last time she couldn't tell me much than try to orgasm, use books, movie or porn. She was out of options for relaxing but that is ok. I probably still need to work on that but I don't need her for it.

It will be harder to see her now because I'm working during the day. I may go back but right now, I just don't want to. I'm just way too stressed out with everything else in my life that I can't even relax enough to approach any of this really. Definitely not giving up. I just don't want to pay another $175 to go talk to her just yet.

[Amber]

ItsASecret, thanks for letting me know all that. I thought I saw an ad on TV that is suppose to do what Viagra does for men. It is probably not mastered yet.

I wonder if sex drive is once again mind related some how. Because what do I have to base it all on? Well, let see. I never use to talk about sex before last April. My only source was books. Romance books that I got caught up in the funny guy who was really sweet and loving. The sex scenes were kissing her all over and an explosion of joy. Everything they did meant nothing to me because I never experienced it. Even being kissed all over. I never experience what it feels like. I guess you can imagine it but not really.

So when I saw a guy, I would think oh, he is cute. If he has a good sense of humor, I would soak all of it up, craving for his attention, enjoying just talking and joking around. I never think, oh, I want to get into his pants. Why, I know nothing of what it was like to get into his pants other than I probably shouldn't be doing that. It wouldn't be love. It would be sex, some thing that you don't do before marriage. (All of it was how I was brought up. Not trying to sound prude. It was just the way I use to think.)

Every time I kissed, it never felt great. I was too worried if I was doing it right or not.

Then my fwb guy who I loose my virginity to. All he does is kiss me a few times on the lips, which I'm wondering if I get it right, before he touches me down below. At that time, touching down below made me feel really aggitated. The three times stunk big time because he did no foreplay and the touching made me feel antsy and aggitated.

So at that time, I wasn't dying to get into a guys pants when I saw him so I could feel that.

But I still wanted to be loved by a man. Not knowing what it really felt like but that it must sweet and wonderful. But still no actual sensations to relate it to.

Then my ex came along. And I enjoyed the light shiving touches and it felt good. I didn't relax during the kissing. I was always afraid I wasn't doing it right. In the beginning, when he touched me we were usually standing somewhere or in a back of a car. Back of a car is never comfortable. Standing, my feet get to me after a while. Remember, his ex was in his apartment. So when I focused on the light touching it felt nice but it wasn't something to flush me and cause me butterflies. Just didn't I guess.

Then we finally get to his bed. I'm nervous. I'm afraid I will not be good enough for him. I'm afraid that I won't touch him enough, know how to touch him, how to please him. I so much want to keep him happy but didn't know how. I'm afraid I'm not kissing right. I'm afraid of that aggitated feeling down below that will soon come. I was tense and nervous. I think I might have had wine that night and it made me feel slightly nausious but not much. But the first time wasn't wonderful with him. Why, not his fault. Nervous and tenseness killed it. Well, what do I have to look forward to the second time. The first time was bad. So I dreaded the second time, being nervous and doubting myself. The third time, only have the past two experience that left a sour taste in my mouth. A chain reaction until about the fourth or fifth time, in which I didn't want to get in bed at all with him. I actually feel bad for him now because he had no clue. But then I finally told him and we never got in bed since. Never will again either.

So tell me, does your sex drive, like an orgasm, have some to do with your mind? From what I know, I can't think of any reason so far what I would want to drool to get into a guys pants. I have no wonderful experiences to drool over to say, I want that. Come to me hottie and give me that. Give me what, a bundle of nerves.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not giving up and I'm not saying it won't be wonderful one day. But right now I have no idea at all what wonderful is. You can read about it but I have no memory of what if feels like. Sort of like what CW said yesterday.