[KMonte85]

srerosi you dont understand!!!

No one must EVER know

I'm sorry, this may sound very blunt.

But if no one must ever know, then the relationship with John will go nowhere. You will be lucky to get the year you're looking forward to without:

1. Everyone knowing.

2. The relationship fizzling far before you're ready for it to.

I think at least for John, the sneaking around has already gotten old and too hard to handle. That's why he tried to break it off once already. I hope you both enjoy your time spent together in Dublin, because in all reality, your time spent together will be short lived if it must forever be kept secret.

[Guest]

mm1991,

i can understand why you would be hesitant based on what you have posted earlier about people in the town and not understanding the age diff between you two.

if you are afraid that your friends will tease you incessantly about the age diff, then i submit they are not really good friends at all.

at some point someone is going to find out and it will get around. it can either happen on your terms, or it can happen the same way most rumors do. incomplete, incorrect, and insensitively.

again, if this is what both of you really want and want to last for any length of time, I do hope it works out for the two of you. I just dont see how keeping something like that will help the two of you have a healthy relationship with each other.

[sourpuss]

Don't you think if you were 100% ok with the relationship, you wouldn't care who knew or what they thought?

[mm1991]

PS: Those little bad words we filter on here? They have to remain filtered, and have been edited from your posts. Appreciate it if you take note of it. We're a different Forum in that regard...

I am sorry, I didn't realise it was against the rules. Noted. Sorry again, wont happen again.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

That's okay... When new you don't know...

Good luck in Dublin... Take it for what it is and if it pans out for more, and you are confident pftttt people's thoughts... It's your life..

But, again, be careful with your heart please.



CW

[mm1991]

well you'll have to tell them at some point. why the wait? unless you are planning on telling them after the trip.

... what I don't understand is WHY? must no one ever know?

I'm sorry, this may sound very blunt.

But if no one must ever know, then the relationship with John will go nowhere.

Don't you think if you were 100% ok with the relationship, you wouldn't care who knew or what they thought?

Ok let me tell you what would happen. My father would beat me up and throw me out of the house. My mother would stand up for me to an extent, which wouldn't change anything except that my father would turn on her as well, he wouldn't hit her though, never did. He is not bad my father and he doesn't hit me, but I think for this he would. He is very traditional and protective of me and this would freak him out. He'd stop giving me money. I would have to leave the uni, although I enjoy it and I am doing well too. Forget about the degree and future carrer. Get a job IF I can.

People will point fingers at me as walk the street. This may be a University town, but is still tiny, 40,000 people, people now each other, they talk and gossip. Would probably have to leave town and go to London, work in pub or something.

Meanwhile John would have a nightmare of his own. He would be known as The Perv. He would lose customers, may be go bust, the times are hard as it is.

It's very complicated, it makes me depressed. This is the last taboo of our society and we are breaking it.

As I said before I would love to show him off, I really think what we have is beautiful.

[KMonte85]

Ok let me tell you what would happen. My father would beat me up and throw me out of the house. My mother would stand up for me to an extent, which wouldn't change anything except that my father would turn on her as well, he wouldn't hit her though, never did. He is not bad my father and he doesn't hit me, but I think for this he would. He is very traditional and protective of me and this would freak him out. He'd stop giving me money. I would have to leave the uni, although I enjoy it and I am doing well too. Forget about the degree and future carrer. Get a job IF I can.

People will point fingers at me as walk the street. This may be a University town, but is still tiny, 40,000 people, people now each other, they talk and gossip. Would probably have to leave town and go to London, work in pub or something.

Meanwhile John would have a nightmare of his own. He would be known as The Perv. He would lose customers, may be go bust, the times are hard as it is.

Then you need to ask yourself if all of this is worth it. Most likely SOMEONE is going to find out, and when that someone does - EVERYONE will know. Then you will still have to deal with the beatings, outcasting, financial ruin that you have listed here. Are you sure this is worth it? John is obviously questioning that - are you sure you want to ruin John's reputation and business? And your future?

If the consequences of your relationship are truly this severe for both of you, then you need evaluate just what you are willing to go through to be together. Perhaps your time together in Dublin is the time to discuss this with him and decide together what your future will be.

[mm1991]

Is it worth it?

I asked myself that question thousands of times.

My head says no, my heart say YES!!!

If it ended with John, Id suffer just as I do now. More.

Also I don't want to think 50 years from now, I had something beautiful and threw it away because I was a coward.

We just have to be strong and play our cards right.

We really like each other. I talked to John and I believe him he only wanted to break up to protect me. It is still possible that Dublin will be the begining and the end though. We didn't discuss that, I am scared to ask, I don't want it to be the end. I don't want it to end. Just taking it day at the time. Its all so complicated.

At least my EX boyfriend did not call me today

[mm1991]

When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

Just noticed this in your signature.

It's little bit like that really.

[KMonte85]

If it ended with John, Id suffer just as I do now. More.

As long as you have weighed the consequences! That's the big one.. just being aware of what you are doing, what might happen, and how you are going to handle it. I hope everything goes well for you, just stay strong because it is going to be difficult!

Glad to hear the ex has stopped with the contact... at least for now lol