[Renee52]

I've been in the EXACT same situation as you. It is so incredibly painful. Maybe the worst pain I've ever felt. But I've come to realize it isn't love, it's an addiction. Addiction to the way he makes me feel. And if he loved me, he would be with me. Plain and simple. He may or may not love his wife, but he doesn't love me. If you live someone you find a way. If you don't, you find an excuse. I am learning to accept this and it is taking a very long time but it is very slowly getting better. The only advice I can give you is hang on, you will slowly get through this, and when you do, NEVER get in the situation again. God knows I will never ever fall for this again. I wish you peace. Hang in there.

[JWH]

I am in a similar situation and I wonder now how things are with you and if you have managed to completely stop your affair?

I am married and have been having an affair for 14 months with a married man, I thought I could control it at the start and now have got myself in such a mess with it. We have tried to stop but for me it's like an addiction I just can't leave it, I think I fell in love with him a long time ago but didn't tell him. So during times when we have had to cool things down for a while (or at least try) because it was getting too risky, I felt hurt and sad at the thought of having to live without being in contact with him. I have also made his life stressfull with too many texts.

Worst of all we live in a village and we both go in the same pub. People have started to suspect and the situation is very tense so obviously we have had to stop. But still I am now thinking when gossip dies down I want to start it up again I can't bare to think it's over - but I can't see the wood for the trees - I am caught up in this bubble with him that won't lead to us living together because there's no way he would leave his family, I have no children by the way, it's simply an affair that I haven't got the strength to stop...even though I know it's incredibly risky!

So I would be interested to know how it has worked out for you?

[silly heart]

I also am in the same "lifestyle" for lack of a better term for it, It began as harmless flirting in the office, both of us in unhappy marriages. Our company required us to do a business trip with 15 of our customers to introduce then to some new products on the market, it was a one week trip, the flirting got to the point where I found myself in his room having a few drinks every night, and that was it, we would snuggle in bed watch movies then I would go back to my own room until the last night, I didn't leave his bed. I made the first move although I knew I wouldn't be turned down, it was amazing, I have never in my life felt so wanted and so absolutely satisfied!! we had sex the better part of the evening and then again in the morning, I went back to my room just before the sun came up and packed for our long drive home. We didn't really acknowledge what happened for a week or so, then I sent him the first text saying that I wanted him again, that's where it all started, texting and skyping all hours of the night, all day at work even if he was just down the hall. sneaking out to go to the "gym" just to meet him. Even got brave enough to go to his house at lunch! I eventually left my husband as it was a mentally abusive situation and he showed me that I actually do deserve to be treated great. Now this has been going on for 5 months and I have broken it off once, only lasted a week...it's a weird thing, I dont want him out of my life but I dont want to be with him as in a real relationship. He says he wants to leave his wife, I talk him out of it as I'm good with how things are now..our stolen moments and all, I am able to get away with him on trips and sometimes just weekends away out of town so we can be together and that is enough for me, I have alot of drama in my life right now going through the divorce and all and I need him to be there to comfort me and take care of my needs but when I see him with his wife, I feel nothing..I guess I care about him but to me it's just a physical relationship. He is 8 years older than me so maybe that's why I don't see long term with him..I dont know..I think I just need someone in my life right now that checks on me, wants me to no end and cares. I guess that means I'm kinda using him as a crutch...hmmm writing this out has actually gave me alot to think about.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

If you feel that he deeply cares for you enough to leave his wife, then you are in-fact creating problems for someone else, (apart from his wife), for him.

Affairs are never harmless, someone always gets hurt.

What you have found, you can find elsewhere, of a single person but then that may not be "exciting" or you may feel because he is not married, he is / will sleep with other women as well, which may not be "acceptable".

See, where the "married" all of a sudden feels safe.

However, you are hurting two people.

Is that worth it?

[msgemia]

Most married men never leave there wives, especially if they have young children. They will however have keep a women on the side if they can. You deserve to be first, and to love a man who loves only you.