It is finally time, Thanks to you " Lil Missy " I hope you will change your nick to something like that, Lil Miss or Missy, if allowed to . You see you don't seem like Stereo Heart, that means Two Hearts , you only have one, but it is Big enough for Two ( and More ).
For me to tell the final, last year of my Story with " John ". I've written some parts of it, in segments since Christmas time. I was going to post it , sometime, when I felt the time is Right, You seem to have Pushed me over the Fence on this one .. Payback ? Lmao
I named it, He's Not my Lover He's my Brother... AKA From Mistress to Sistress .
John , contacted me last May, 2011 after 1 year on no contact. It blew me away and Pizzed me off Big Time. I was getting over him , getting over missing him. could finally see or hear a Diesel Truck and not immediately think of him. Summer had passed, Fall had passed, Winter had passed. Spring was in full Bloom.
Sure I thought of him time to time. But it was a Faded "love " a In the Past " Love ". A He will never Be my " Love " and somewhere, sometime I will find " MY LOVE ".
The first Sunny, Spring Day, a text. "Hey BG, how are you, how you been, Saw the Sunshine and thought of you ". I Flipped, My Heart, Flipped and, it was weird, because right after the First Emotions of happiness, and to admit, maybe he's decided living Unhappy was a choice he decided he just could not do anymore ( meaning he had left the Abuse and was finally caring about himself ).
I do not know how I calmly, asked him how he & the Mrs were ? He replied with, "good, but So So, still sleeping on Couch, nothings changed much, still working ... She not working. Still supporting her ***, But that is my duty as Husband ya know "
( Me) Good to hear, things here are Good, Kids fine. Well running out door .. off to work . talk with ya later .
I lied to him, I didn't have to work that day .. I came straight here to WH !!! And poured my Angry Heart out. Why this Why Now.. I got the most replies from those who have been around here a long time, Guys and Girls that knew my Story..
At least the ones who weren't Trolls or had no Idea, what I was going through .. Not Judging Newbies, for their Advise. well maybe I am, because they had very short " advise " mostly about me being a Bad Woman , to have had an affair the Year before.
Anyway, I was calmed by those here that are " Sisters of My Heart " They know who they are ..
Barely kept contact with him on Text. Then he show's up at my work, casually says Hi and asked if I could help him with a parts look up ? Yep that's my Job..
After he was helped, he texts me at work. Convo is ...
Him)Great seeing you again, so glad we are Friends Still .
Me)Yep, you are welcome at the store whenever you need, that's what I am Here for . That's what I'm Paid to do.
Him)Didn't mean to upset you, just that you are the only Auto Parts Pro, I can Trust with Good Advise .
Me ) Didn't upset me, We are Friends. We Started out as Friends, and we are now Friends, Only Friends.
He agreed with that, we had let things get out of hand.. And we did, on Both Sides. he asked " can I still come to you for Advise ?" Me thinking Car parts , said Sure . Then through May, June & July and Most of August, we'd Text now and then . Mostly me being the " Listening Mother " .. Did you try this with the Mrs ? Have you tried That ?
Same story, he apparently made efforts, she's still not Willing, he's still being " Blackmailed " by the Courts for putting his home up for her Debts .
August 25, my birthday, last year. I get a ...Good Morning Birthday Girl. Can ya meet at the Park for 5 minutes, Got something to give you . What could I gain or Lose from meeting him again ? I was upset,but only simmering, those past 3 months. I was Strong, we had texted about inconsequential things, Keep in touch things, be a Friend thing. For 3 months.
We sat on the bench, where we used to meet, I fed the Ducks we used to feed together. While he talked .. He talked about his wife, the ongoing problems that have never Changed with him.
I saw the Sadness, the Lost, the Lil Boy, that I knew had suffered, not only through his marriages, but through his Military, his dedication to be an " Honorable Man ". And he asked me, if I would walk with him one more time.
I did. I needed to see myself what was " Truth ".
I walked behind while holding hands on the trail.. He led the way to where we knew our " Tree " was. We both talked about the Growth of the " Tree " in just 1 year. The Foliage, the Bugs , the Birds and Squirrels and he reached for me and Kissed Me.
It was Not the same.. It was like I was Kissing my Brother, It was like kissing my Cousin. it was like Kissing my Child.. It was ME.. Saying No, to that kind of relationship. Somehow, my Love for him changed, I didn't want him like that anymore.
John said " It's not there anymore is it ? You don't love me anymore do you ?" He looked Abandoned..
I Understood... Somehow I understood, what he was feeling. But I also understood, I can not " Fix " that feeling myself, whether he is with her or me, I cannot Fix that for him. And It Must stop with ME. My Man Child, must have Room to Grow, he must Find his own Way.
I told him, as we walked back to the bench, that I did Love him, I was not in love with him . I told him, that we had allot of Good between us, non Sexual Good . That we shared allot of beliefs, that I could not Hate him, he said he didn't want to lose me. So, then is when I set the Boundaries.
I can be in his life as a Sister and Friend. I will be there when he needs me, I will still try to help him fix things with his Wife. I'll still be a shoulder to cry on. We can go back to the Friendship, that we started with 3 years ago.
But that is the only way I won't Abandon him, is by keeping it in line, not crossing that line.
Now he calls me "Sis " I call him "Bro", We are " family ". We wish each other Happy Holidays,Birthdays, we chat on Yahoo and Skype, we play Checkers and Chess on line. When his wife walks in the room he doesn't hide the game or Comp from her, ( unless it's him bytchin about her lol ).
He has told her I am his Long Lost Sister.. And when he whoops my Butt in Checkers or Chess, I yell at him like I would a Brother, And I can hear her laughing in the background.. I have not met her yet, not sure I want to. I might Bytch her out about taking better care of my "Bro " and herself. That meeting may come some day . Time will tell.
John moved jobs from the Base, while we were " Split up ". He works about 10 blocks from my work. He works in a Home and Hardware Store now. I stop in his store sometimes, he stops in mine for Auto Parts .. We call each other Bro & Sis in public, introduce each other as that to co workers.
It is funny though, one of my Ex Co~workers started working for his Company a couple of months ago. And is she a Wild ~Woman. He asked me about her , I was honest. He still asks me about her, says she like him , talks with him on lunch, is very touchy feely, which she was at my store. I just warn him, she may have an Ole Man , but Bro, best not test those waters, even if she is a " Wild Woman with an Ole Man ".. I've met her Ole Man and they seem to have a " Freedom Marriage/ Relationship ". Maybe you & Mrs can get in a foursome ??
John just says, " Learned my Lesson there Sis , I'll suffer with what I Have ". And I always hit back with " Well she's better than doing Drugs or Dying Alone ".
You're Right Sis
I Know I am Bro.
Night Sis..
Night John Boy ..
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