[Obelisk]

I have never been picked up in a mall or in a store. I have talked to some people casually in line but nothing ever happens. I can't meet someone that way.

Just smile at the guys you like. Remember that for us guys, it's extremely hard to actually got and talk to women in real life because we have absolutely no idea if you are interested in us or not. We could be making asses of ourselves. I get that all the time, stuff like "I have a boyfriend" or "I'm not interested, but thank you", and this is usually with women that respond positively to seeing me.

Most of the time I don't bother too much with women that show zero interest. Although sometimes I do want to try, especially with shy girls (that's my weakness )

So yeah, if you are interested in a guy and he sees you, smile at him. If he responds positively to that and he comes over, say something like "hey, you're cute".

There is no way that you will not have a boyfriend in 2 week time if you do this.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

RSVP was a paid site but there were still loonies It's all chances in my opinion but I am really pleased that you take precaution when going out.

[Needytoo]

I joined eharmoney awhile back, and I do feel it is a rip off. A friend suggested I join POF, and oh boy there are some winners out there. But I am chatting with what appears a normal guy. Obelisk I find it funny that you think just smiling at a guy will get a girl a boyfriend. Amber I read your first post regarding this and my hair on the back of my neck stood on end. I think you did the correct thing.

[avgmale]

I would recommend OKCupid or POF over a pay site any day. Also, why would you want to be picking up boyfriends by smiling in the mall ? Thats probably the worst way of going at it if you're serious about finding someone.

I also think women need a lot more guidance in their online search then they seem to think but they are mostly just used to being hit on/getting messages and feel no need to improve.

[Needytoo]

Now you got my interest, what do you mean by "women need a lot more guidance in their online search"?

[Obelisk]

I would recommend OKCupid or POF over a pay site any day. Also, why would you want to be picking up boyfriends by smiling in the mall ? Thats probably the worst way of going at it if you're serious about finding someone.

So you recommend a dating site over meeting someone in real life? And I wouldn't say necessarily in a mall either. Could be anywhere, the bus, a fast food joint, etc.

I despise dating sites in general. At least for men they are usually dead ends. It sounds like it is for more women also in other ways.

[jns]

So yeah, if you are interested in a guy and he sees you, smile at him. If he responds positively to that and he comes over, say something like "hey, you're cute".

Obelisk I find it funny that you think just smiling at a guy will get a girl a boyfriend.

Also, why would you want to be picking up boyfriends by smiling in the mall ? Thats probably the worst way of going at it if you're serious about finding someone.

Obelisk, I thought your comment about flirting was a natural way to meet guys, but it got shot down by several women. I've seen flirting actually work, but what do I know. I guess analyzing data is the more modern way.

[Obelisk]

Obelisk, I thought your comment about flirting was a natural way to meet guys, but it got shot down by several women. I've seen flirting actually work, but what do I know. I guess analyzing data is the more modern way.

Well I really don't want to bring looks into it, but it plays into successful flirting a lot. I'm pretty fit, face wise I'm ok, not stunning. It's enough to get the attention of women I find attractive usually, so I usually have more confidence to approach.

When I was doing it more often I'd get shot down a lot still, but I never took it personally. Maybe that girl really does have a boyfriend? Maybe she doesn't want a man at all, and was annoyed some guy would bother her peaceful outing? Maybe's she's a lesbian? lol who knows.

I was still able to get some dates though.

I think it's much easier for women if they showed interest. Most of the time, women walk around with these perma scowls, like impenetrable shields, and it usually doesn't matter what they look like. Some are not so good looking and still act the same.

It's rare to find a friendly girl that's not a waitress. I think most men would react very positive if a woman showed interest in them, and would have more courage to approach them? And they don't have to be as attractive to pull it off either. Just be realistic in who you feel you could get.

As for finding the right men in a mall, how does it differ doing it on a dating site? Most people on dating sites lie thru their teeth, men and women. It's easy to do it.

So it doesn't get anyone anywhere. You think you will pull a fast one on the person on the other side, and you just pull a fast one on yourself.

I remember a long time ago before the internet, there were these systems called BBS' which were like mini internets. You would connect to them, and download software and chat to people (usually locally)

Someone started uploading this program, which acted a a "pyramid scheme" where you wrote your name and address, you sent the previous person $10 to their address, and then you had permission to upload to another BBS. And it was all on the honor system. So me being young and naive thought "hmm, forget sending the $10, I'll just put my stats, upload it and the next sucker can send me $10".

Guess what? I never got a cent

To me that's what dating sites are.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

But to a woman a dating site is a whole lot more.

It's getting attention
Getting out on a date
Remembering how to communicate with the other sex
Seeing what is out there
Establishing what they do and don't want


All of those things are necessary when re-starting again.

Amber I think it's like everything. If you find a site you don't like the characteristics of the people? Leave. If you find one that seems to fit better? Stay.

[Obelisk]

But to a woman a dating site is a whole lot more.

It's getting attention
Getting out on a date
Remembering how to communicate with the other sex
Seeing what is out there
Establishing what they do and don't want


All of those things are necessary when re-starting again.

Amber I think it's like everything. If you find a site you don't like the characteristics of the people? Leave. If you find one that seems to fit better? Stay.

I think a dating site makes people pickier. When I've tried it, even with my best pics I hardly got women to even message back. I know it wasn't me because I can get better results by chatting with girls outside.

I found I was doing the same thing. On a dating site, you go thru profiles and you instinctively choose the people with the most attractive pics. I found I had to force myself to give girls a chance that didn't seem too attractive to me at first (rationalizing that it could be really bad photos, a really bad angle of the person, wrong lighting, etc etc.). Even so, I still hardly got much (got to chat with a few, but usually never more than 3-4 e-mails. I never got to date a girl from a dating site in person, ever)

So I realized girls do the same thing. They just wait to get messaged, and they'll get 200 e-mails a day if they are attractive. Maybe they'll pick one of those guys if they find him hot. I think most of the time they end up not picking anymore, and just waiting for another 200 e-mails the next day.

If they don't have attractive pics, then they get significantly lower amounts of guys messaging them, and none are attractive enough to them.

That seems to be my perception of the whole thing. Keep in mind I was doing this thru my 20's and my range was 18-25 at the time.

Is it possible that 30's and up there's more maturity? I haven't bothered to try again. If I want to ask a girl out in real life I just do it. I just suck it up that it's the man's job to grovel and be humiliated by 20 not interested's if at least one is a yes, and a chance for a date.