[atskitty2]

It was nice. I admit it!

[atskitty2]

Met my guy #1 for drinks last night. Not much to do around here on a Tuesday

The plot thickens...I'm always a bit unsettled by anyone who has no contact with family and parents. He hasn't had a relationship with his parents or siblings (3) for about 8-10 yrs.
Now, I'm not "close" to my family but I can't imagine purposeful disconnection by either side...so it's another point to ponder for me. Reason he gave was that they didn't accept his son (now16) because they don't like the kid's mom, whom he wasn't even involved with 8 yrs ago, from what I've put together from his stories...

I'd decided I'd give this a go, but I've been chewing on this since last night and something just doesn't seem right. I think who he is now is more important than some missteps in his past, but something just doesn't ring clear for me.

If there are things a man asks me early on, and I'm not ready for them to know or comfy sharing it, I say that...I don't make something up.

I don't think there's some dark horrible secrets, but I just wonder, and now have this gnawing feeling that he may not be a really honest person.
Thoughts?

[jen1447]

Hm .....

Well first of all just to reiterate about your gut, but you know all about that. So carry on there.

On specifics, BF has a brother who is in a similar state, and it was self-imposed. It strikes me as unlikely (tho certainly not impossible) that an entire family would ostracize a single member as opposed to that member removing himself. If that's the case, it speaks to personal issues - has trouble letting perceived grievances go, is quick to take offense, etc. Just shooting in the dark there but you get the idea.

Last thing - for grandparents to reject a baby is extremely hardcore. Normally they go all gooey for them once they arrive on the scene, no matter the circumstances and even if they hate its mother or father or don't approve of their choice in pets or home decorating sensibilities, etc. So ....that makes me raise an eyebrow on the legitimacy of that claim. Maybe it's true, but if so it means his parents are among the hardest-assed people in the history of mankind.

I feel like I'm always coming off like a spoiler for you lol - sorry that's just the way I am about my 'people,' always wanting to protect them. So you should look at my input as big-sisterish hon (even tho you're older lol) ....I'm the gatewarden, but you're the princess in the castle who really makes the decisions! (That doesn't mean that if we ever had a double-date I wouldn't take a moment alone with him to threaten his life if he ever hurt you. )

p.s. - Tuesday drink dates are awesome!

[atskitty2]

Nope...that's what I'm looking for Sis...verification that what I'm already thinking is reasonable. I thought the same thing about grandparents... and as I understand him, the rest of the fam is closer. I told him that's very unusual and there must be other reasons...
And then he defers to some related but other topic to avoid what I'm really asking...skilfully I might add.

He wanted to see me tonight, but I'm seeing my best girlfriend to get her thoughts too. My mind is made up, my gut is unsettled. I just like some girl thoughts that I'm not overreacting to solidify my decision. I am just debating whether to actually ask him for clarification or just go with my gut and let it be as I read it.
Oh...and I'd welcome some guy thoughts too...geez they're so quiet in here!

[jen1447]

I know right? We intimidate them with our awesomeness.

[jen1447]

So did the GF meet change anything hon? What's the latest?

[atskitty2]

She actually didn't have much to say not sure why.
I'm beginning to think she fears I'll be un-single before her...

I decided to ask him for the details, see if the whole story makes better sense or if he's even willing to share it. It could be he gave me one tiny part of a long story. That'll give me my answer and give me some peace that I didn't rush to judgment. Not sure when I'll see him...probably this weekend...???

Meanwhile, I got a msg from that old friend of mine who's a mutual acquaintance, saying he's a decent guy, but doesn't know him extremely well...
Wasn't expecting that, but OK.

[jen1447]

Are you leaning thumbs down?

[atskitty2]

Jury is still out...I just don't know.
Gonna have my talk w him, take it from there. I do know if I have any sense of doubt after that talk, I'm out. He's made it clear he wants long term, so I will cut him loose if I think he's not truthful.

[jen1447]

Good girl. Well I'll be hoping he comes thru for you, but it'll be what it'll be.