[midnightwishes]

I see. Well, only you know what's right for you.

[Magnetism]

That's what told this therapist. But, I allowed her into talking me into her method.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

If I may.

There is nothing wrong with being assertive which has nothing to do with being the aggressor, rather, you made a statement as soon as he said "he doesn't date" you went ahead as you wanted it too... That's being assertive knowing what you want "at that time". I don't think there is anything wrong with that Magnetism. We are human and sometimes that once off is exactly what we need to remind ourselves we are still a woman, "all woman".

If I was your therapist that is what I would have told you, when you came back. I would never have suggested that you continue or not continue, leaving that as your decision but allowing you to know you did alright, you made your own decision, at that time as a woman..

Per-suing from there is, I think, a normal "what if?" reaction, though deep down inside if a guy says " I don't do the date thing" I'd be wary of my heart as chances are he's not ready for the real thing and you were the real deal.

That's his problem not yours.

I've done this, then gone back to the 18 month non sex until I find someone who is willing and wanting a relationship, getting to know "me" inside not outside. There are no right or wrongs I'm glad that I was assertive in situations and glad that I held back as well, learning what it was I truly wanted lead me eventually as a result to my current partner.

I'm glad you don't see this "wannabe therapist" anymore. She crossed a lot of boundries and really should be reported for doing so.

As for this thread, when ever you want, if you want, it can be closed and fade away into the background.

A man can sleep with a woman and 9 out of 10 times, feel no regret a woman can sleep with a man and if it doesn't lead to something often, 9 out of 10 times feels regret. I find that wrong, man and woman can do what they so choose in life, it's their body. Don't feel regret Magnetism, you did something out of the ordinary for you and you were assertive. An experience that's all.

[Magnetism]

It definitely felt pleasurable. It was probably one of the best sexual chemistry I've had. I told myself I wasn't going to get attached, but repeated visits bonded me more than I thought. When things ended, I beat myself up badly and wondered if being the initiator caused things to ruin. I sunk into a depression for a few months. I went on other dates, but wasn't connecting with the guys. I had even more casual sex offers, but turned them down. As you said, a man straight up telling you, "I don't date. It's a waste of my time," means that nothing will probably get him to change his mind. I think my heart will know next time who is the real deal. It will feel easy, without wondering about who initiates what.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I beat myself up badly and wondered if being the initiator caused things to ruin

No,no,no,no,no.

Men like assertive women. We just need to hear what they say at the beginning and know how to take it from there, that's all

You got something wonderful from the experience, focus on that, not the negative.

If we focus on negativity, it breeds.

Life is about taking all the positives and working with those

[Magnetism]

So , you don't think he was turned off? I was worried if someone found out what happened, they would think I was too defective for a relationship.

[Motorguy]

Hey Magnetism what CW is saying is absolutely correct. Men do like women who will take control and tell them what they like. My wife is very assertive and has been for the 29 years I have known her. Don't ever change for a man on how you feel or letting them change your personally or your confident ways.There's is plenty of men out there who will love you for who you are.

[effy2014]

It seems to me that the pursuit accomplished exactly what it should have. He would never have pursued you because: (1) "he doesn't date"; and (2) he had unfinished business from a prior relationship. It could have been that he didn't date because he had unfinished business. However, given this opportunity with a sexy woman, he took full advantage. As you said, the sex was great. But he really did have unfinished business. I assume he had little remorse because he felt that he had warned you in advanced. I highly doubt that your pursuit had anything to do with the relationship ending.

Even though you may have known that it was casual sex, chemistry is chemistry. It could be that the lack of pressure to have a relationship made the sex even better. Whatever it was, there is nothing defective about you.

[Magnetism]

Effy-he did say he was sorry when he broke things off. When I saw him at a public event a few weeks later, his face looked embarrassed. Months later, he told me that deleting him off of Facebook "kind of stung him", because he thought we were friends. I told him that it's not healthy for me be friends, after what happened. Thank you for the explanation. It was simple. Motor guy-if men like assertive women, i think it's okay to like assertive men too.

[Motorguy]

Effy-he did say he was sorry when he broke things off. When I saw him at a public event a few weeks later, his face looked embarrassed. Months later, he told me that deleting him off of Facebook "kind of stung him", because he thought we were friends. I told him that it's not healthy for me be friends, after what happened. Thank you for the explanation. It was simple. Motor guy-if men like assertive women, i think it's okay to like assertive men too.

Well sure no problem there that is absolutely correct nothing wrong with that. Sometimes those relationship works out really well.