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Is anyone else only attracted to just a small percentage of people?

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  • Is anyone else only attracted to just a small percentage of people?

    Is it weird to only feel chemistry with a handful of people in your life? Or do most people find themselves easily attracted to anyone? Trust me, ive tried to force attraction with so many people. It doesn't wotk. I'm asking, bc I find this concept frustrating to explain to people. a person either does trigger attraction or they don't. If someone invents a magic pill where I can fall in love with anyone that likes me, I will take it.
    "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"

  • All my life I've been able to find beauty in pretty much any woman. I find them all attractive. That doesn't mean that if I were single I'd want a relationship with anyone of them. Those are two very different things.
    "Those sowing seed with tears
    Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

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    • I've only been physically attracted to one man and one woman. At this time I don't believe I could be attracted to anyone else.
      [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
      Not thinking about anything is Zen. Once you know this, walking, sitting, or lying down, everything you do is Zen.
      ― Bodhidharma

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      • Well, Mags, I think that's normal. We aren't attracted to everyone we see/meet, and I'm quite curious what you mean by trying to force it.

        I'm actually attracted to very few men & a few women. I really grow more attracted as I get to know them, and begin to form a bond & trust with them.
        I see a lot of people and think they're attractive, but I'm not necessarily attracted TO them. There's a distinct difference for me.

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        • I have found chemistry to work two ways. Some people find chemistry in physical attractiveness (or what is instantaneously attractive to them). Others find chemistry in how people make you feel or, better written, the more emotionally emotionally based factors. You still need to feel an attraction, but that attraction grows the more you learn about a person.

          Before I dated my SO, I met a woman on-line. Because of scheduling issues, we exchanged a huge number of emails before we met. We seemed compatible on every level, from child rearing to romance to life's philosophies. She loved romance and was a great communicator. When we met in person, I immediately felt her disappointment; physical chemistry trumped all. Not to say that I am unattractive, I just didn't fit her ideal profile.

          My SO (a much more physically attractive woman) found chemistry in the emotional bond we were creating and, oddly enough, how I kissed her. She finds me attractive, but I think that my ability to meet her emotional needs trumped everything else. Personally, I find that more successful relationships are based on the more emotional factors but, then you would all expect me to write that.
          "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

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          • Oops, I wrote this post late and was being a sarcastic. . Atskitty-yeah, I see a livid attractive people physically. But, few inspire a deep connection. If I'm going to End up with just one person, I think I'm okay.
            "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"

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            • Atskitty-I forgot to explain by forcing. What I mean is by going on a date and trying to tell myself, "well, he is nice and he seems to like me. Maybe I should look at all the positives and see if something develops." But, a few dates happen and still nothing happens. I did this only to give into societal pressure. I was trying to speed the process of finding the right person.
              "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"

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              • I don't think that's forcing it Mags, it's dating. It's what dating is meant for-to get to know & explore another person to see if the items of compatibility are present in that person, to inspire us to move forward into the "intermediate" phases of dating.
                My recent dating excursion is a prime example. Dude made a stellar impression prior to meeting, first date was mostly a disaster...second date, great...third, another disaster...I wasn't trying to force it, I was being open, fair & discerning. Three dates, 3 weeks was enough to determine there are serious compatibility flaws.

                Taking it slow is a good thing. Why try to speed the process of finding that right person for you? You're young, enjoy the journey! Dating is fun, even with all the peripheral craziness. Just have fun & enjoy getting to know all these people & taking from each experience something new & having learned something about yourself.

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                • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                  I don't think that's forcing it Mags, it's dating. It's what dating is meant for-to get to know & explore another person to see if the items of compatibility are present in that person, to inspire us to move forward into the "intermediate" phases of dating.
                  My recent dating excursion is a prime example. Dude made a stellar impression prior to meeting, first date was mostly a disaster...second date, great...third, another disaster...I wasn't trying to force it, I was being open, fair & discerning. Three dates, 3 weeks was enough to determine there are serious compatibility flaws.

                  Taking it slow is a good thing. Why try to speed the process of finding that right person for you? You're young, enjoy the journey! Dating is fun, even with all the peripheral craziness. Just have fun & enjoy getting to know all these people & taking from each experience something new & having learned something about yourself.

                  According to some people (like my former coach), I'm not young and time is ticking. It's annoying dealing with questions about why you're single and people assuming that you're gay (read my past threads). Or, people telling you to date guys that you don't really like. I'm not around these people anymore, but their voices still echo in my head.

                  I agree logically that it's best to take things slow and stay in the present. Trying to force things will make it worse, but I've been pressured to give into to people's comments. Trying to explain to people certain concepts is extremely frustrating, such as how desperation can actually repel people or how it's mean to date someone that you don't like. Can you imagine how a man or woman would feel when their SO tells them, "I only married you, out of pressure. I don't have any attraction towards you."

                  I figured that if I met the right person right away, people would just leave me alone. All of this pressure just gets overwhelming where I'm not scared of dying. If I'm dead, I wouldn't have to worry about anything.

                  If people didn't make these comments and I didn't have to explain that I'm only attracted to a few people, I probably wouldn't even be making these topics.

                  I wish I could live in a planet where nobody cared about whether you were single or not.
                  "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"

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                  • Sorry, I didn't mean to scare anyone with the "dying" comment. I'm just expressing a feeling. I wouldn't do anything drastic that would hurt my loved ones.
                    "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"

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                    • Well Mag I love my wife in all ways. But I adore other women who are friends of the family. I mean there's no sex but we have a relationship to where they are like a family members to me and my family that I love them that way.
                      When out driving always turn left. Then, should you become lost, you can find your way home by reversing the procedure and always turning right.

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                      • You don't have to explain anything to anyone. Who are these people making comments & expecting some sort of say-so in your choices? YOUR life is yours to live the way you see fit. You're a grown woman, you owe them nothing.
                        If it's family: I realize culturally, your family may play a larger role in your decision-making, especially where dating is concerned, but ultimately, if it's causing you such discord within your self, you can discount their advice, without disrespecting them.

                        I'm still chanting confidence & assertiveness for you mags... You need to do what's right for yourself, and stop measuring yourself up by everyone else's ruler.

                        I understand the sometimes unrequested opinions that come at you regarding your singleness. I get it too, from all directions, because it's been now 3 years since the separation. People seem to think that I should have been in a relationship by now. They're opinions, nothing more. I hear the comments about how mentally unstable I must be to be still single, or that I must have some sort of dysfunction sexually, or I'm too picky, or this or that......I've heard it all. It isn't even hurtful to me, because I know-without a doubt-that I'm just doing what is right for me, and those folks have no idea what I've been through or the caliber of man that I'm looking to invite into my life...it's simply not their business. And it's nobody's business what you do with your life either!

                        Be strong for yourself & your future. You have to face no pressure but your own in this matter.

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                        • ^^ Fantastic post, Kitty. The caliber of the man invited into your life should always be the most important factor. I feel for Mags since she is dating for a purpose -- marriage -- and she is at an age and in a culture in which pressure on her is increasing. Take heart in the fact that you have read over and over in this forum . . . one that I can speak to from excruciating experience . . . a bad marriage is worse than most anything.
                          "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"

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                          • Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                            You don't have to explain anything to anyone. Who are these people making comments & expecting some sort of say-so in your choices? YOUR life is yours to live the way you see fit. You're a grown woman, you owe them nothing.
                            If it's family: I realize culturally, your family may play a larger role in your decision-making, especially where dating is concerned, but ultimately, if it's causing you such discord within your self, you can discount their advice, without disrespecting them.

                            I'm still chanting confidence & assertiveness for you mags... You need to do what's right for yourself, and stop measuring yourself up by everyone else's ruler.

                            I understand the sometimes unrequested opinions that come at you regarding your singleness. I get it too, from all directions, because it's been now 3 years since the separation. People seem to think that I should have been in a relationship by now. They're opinions, nothing more. I hear the comments about how mentally unstable I must be to be still single, or that I must have some sort of dysfunction sexually, or I'm too picky, or this or that......I've heard it all. It isn't even hurtful to me, because I know-without a doubt-that I'm just doing what is right for me, and those folks have no idea what I've been through or the caliber of man that I'm looking to invite into my life...it's simply not their business. And it's nobody's business what you do with your life either!

                            Be strong for yourself & your future. You have to face no pressure but your own in this matter.
                            Very well said Kitty, you are so right your life is yours no one can live it for you only you can. So when you find that right guy to invite into your life as a mate then all the power is yours. So nothing is wrong with being happy and enjoying life how it should be.
                            When out driving always turn left. Then, should you become lost, you can find your way home by reversing the procedure and always turning right.

                            Comment


                            • I often feel the way you describe Magnetism. Correct me if I am misunderstanding, but you are saying that you feel pressured to go on dates when you know even before the first date that you are not "feeling" the other person.
                              I too feel as though the number of men I am attracted enough to want to date is very small compared with my interest in dating. It's not that I'm unwilling t date, but why go on a date when there really is no attraction? I've forced myself to go on dates more times than I would like to admit and the dates wind up feeling more like torture. Not to mention that it's not nice to mislead someone. Again these things point back to the question you initially asked which was "Does anyone else find themselves attracted to a smaller number of men?", and my answer is yes, I feel the same way.

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