[Motorguy]

Well Mag I love my wife in all ways. But I adore other women who are friends of the family. I mean there's no sex but we have a relationship to where they are like a family members to me and my family that I love them that way.

[atskitty2]

You don't have to explain anything to anyone. Who are these people making comments & expecting some sort of say-so in your choices? YOUR life is yours to live the way you see fit. You're a grown woman, you owe them nothing.
If it's family: I realize culturally, your family may play a larger role in your decision-making, especially where dating is concerned, but ultimately, if it's causing you such discord within your self, you can discount their advice, without disrespecting them.

I'm still chanting confidence & assertiveness for you mags... You need to do what's right for yourself, and stop measuring yourself up by everyone else's ruler.

I understand the sometimes unrequested opinions that come at you regarding your singleness. I get it too, from all directions, because it's been now 3 years since the separation. People seem to think that I should have been in a relationship by now. They're opinions, nothing more. I hear the comments about how mentally unstable I must be to be still single, or that I must have some sort of dysfunction sexually, or I'm too picky, or this or that......I've heard it all. It isn't even hurtful to me, because I know-without a doubt-that I'm just doing what is right for me, and those folks have no idea what I've been through or the caliber of man that I'm looking to invite into my life...it's simply not their business. And it's nobody's business what you do with your life either!

Be strong for yourself & your future. You have to face no pressure but your own in this matter.

[effy2014]

^^ Fantastic post, Kitty. The caliber of the man invited into your life should always be the most important factor. I feel for Mags since she is dating for a purpose -- marriage -- and she is at an age and in a culture in which pressure on her is increasing. Take heart in the fact that you have read over and over in this forum . . . one that I can speak to from excruciating experience . . . a bad marriage is worse than most anything.

[Motorguy]

You don't have to explain anything to anyone. Who are these people making comments & expecting some sort of say-so in your choices? YOUR life is yours to live the way you see fit. You're a grown woman, you owe them nothing.
If it's family: I realize culturally, your family may play a larger role in your decision-making, especially where dating is concerned, but ultimately, if it's causing you such discord within your self, you can discount their advice, without disrespecting them.

I'm still chanting confidence & assertiveness for you mags... You need to do what's right for yourself, and stop measuring yourself up by everyone else's ruler.

I understand the sometimes unrequested opinions that come at you regarding your singleness. I get it too, from all directions, because it's been now 3 years since the separation. People seem to think that I should have been in a relationship by now. They're opinions, nothing more. I hear the comments about how mentally unstable I must be to be still single, or that I must have some sort of dysfunction sexually, or I'm too picky, or this or that......I've heard it all. It isn't even hurtful to me, because I know-without a doubt-that I'm just doing what is right for me, and those folks have no idea what I've been through or the caliber of man that I'm looking to invite into my life...it's simply not their business. And it's nobody's business what you do with your life either!

Be strong for yourself & your future. You have to face no pressure but your own in this matter.

Very well said Kitty, you are so right your life is yours no one can live it for you only you can. So when you find that right guy to invite into your life as a mate then all the power is yours. So nothing is wrong with being happy and enjoying life how it should be.

[apitcher1]

I often feel the way you describe Magnetism. Correct me if I am misunderstanding, but you are saying that you feel pressured to go on dates when you know even before the first date that you are not "feeling" the other person.
I too feel as though the number of men I am attracted enough to want to date is very small compared with my interest in dating. It's not that I'm unwilling t date, but why go on a date when there really is no attraction? I've forced myself to go on dates more times than I would like to admit and the dates wind up feeling more like torture. Not to mention that it's not nice to mislead someone. Again these things point back to the question you initially asked which was "Does anyone else find themselves attracted to a smaller number of men?", and my answer is yes, I feel the same way.

[Magnetism]

I often feel the way you describe Magnetism. Correct me if I am misunderstanding, but you are saying that you feel pressured to go on dates when you know even before the first date that you are not "feeling" the other person.
I too feel as though the number of men I am attracted enough to want to date is very small compared with my interest in dating. It's not that I'm unwilling t date, but why go on a date when there really is no attraction? I've forced myself to go on dates more times than I would like to admit and the dates wind up feeling more like torture. Not to mention that it's not nice to mislead someone. Again these things point back to the question you initially asked which was "Does anyone else find themselves attracted to a smaller number of men?", and my answer is yes, I feel the same way.

YES! You got it. I can also intuitively tell when there will be no connection before even going on a date. But, I feel the need to be open-minded and will give the person a "chance." So far, giving numerous people a chance has only confirmed my original intuition.

Sexual chemistry and being totally into your partner is what makes a romantic relationship different than our relationships with friends, family or co-workers. Without it, how's our relationship unique and special?


Atskitty-Thanks, your post was inspiring! I'm lucky that my family is actually NOT a source of pressure right now. They've calmed down a lot. I'm lucky that my CLOSE friends are also supportive. But, I have a bad habit of not being able to ignore the past naysayers.

I just remembered that people still made comments when I WAS in relationships. People may try to break you two up. People may say he's not good enough for you, or people will get nosy. So, you can't win either way.

[jns]

Some musings.

Brain chemistry dictates that when you become close to someone and let them into your life, hormone levels will rise and bonding will most likely take place. That is the reason some are cautious about letting someone into their life. Some alphas do it as a game because they can get what they want and don't fall so hard, especially after a couple break-ups.

The lead person in a relationship has to take on an alpha role, at least to some degree. In some societies that can be a problem if the person who is a true alpha cannot be the lead person due to societal norms.

The lead person has advantages in moving the relationship forward. They can often move it to the stage where bonding starts. They can dictate terms to some degree. If they don't get what they want after a while, they can end the relationship. Of course the person who isn't in the lead position can do all of these things, it is just less likely that they would, unless they are truly alpha.

Magnetism, have you ever considered to what degree you are an alpha personality and to what degree you are a beta personality?

[Magnetism]

Some musings.

Brain chemistry dictates that when you become close to someone and let them into your life, hormone levels will rise and bonding will most likely take place. That is the reason some are cautious about letting someone into their life. Some alphas do it as a game because they can get what they want and don't fall so hard, especially after a couple break-ups.

The lead person in a relationship has to take on an alpha role, at least to some degree. In some societies that can be a problem if the person who is a true alpha cannot be the lead person due to societal norms.

The lead person has advantages in moving the relationship forward. They can often move it to the stage where bonding starts. They can dictate terms to some degree. If they don't get what they want after a while, they can end the relationship. Of course the person who isn't in the lead position can do all of these things, it is just less likely that they would, unless they are truly alpha.

Magnetism, have you ever considered to what degree you are an alpha personality and to what degree you are a beta personality?

I get confused about what is defined as alpha or beta. The people that call themselves alpha are those that I find off-putting (too aggressive, bragging, controlling, etc). I'm more team-oriented and go with the flow. I like having guidance. I do well with following structure. But, there are also some situations where I like to lead. I know I wouldn't like to lead ALL of the time.

Off-topic, but a con of having intense chemistry is that your judgment gets clouded. The people that I've had the strongest chemistry with felt magnetic at first sight. I can also feel when someone else is attracted to me, and when someone is not. Eye-contact and body language tells a lot, as well as that gut feeling you have.

[jns]

I get confused about what is defined as alpha or beta.

Type [alpha personality] in a search engine. Don't get off track with Type A / Type B personality.

Falling in love is irrational and does have clouded judgement at times from strong chemical releases.

[Magnetism]

Type [alpha personality] in a search engine. Don't get off track with Type A / Type B personality.

Falling in love is irrational and does have clouded judgement at times from strong chemical releases.

I resemble mostly beta female traits, from what I looked up in the search engine. There are a few alpha female traits (such as being aggressive in the bedroom), but those traits are kept on the downlow. I'm not one to show off myself.