[CHANDLERS WISH]

let her figure out the hard way that if he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you.

Totally agree.... Let her think she has a prize... A prince... And, then let her see as time goes by and she is madly in love, that he has "nothing" and cheated on her with you, "so to speak"... It will hurt even more later down the track.. "that's mean CW"...

Also, I assume that you have printed those emails? Have copied onto a disk? Well you went and read them, you might as well make them hard evidence.

Told you he was trying to avoid lawyers to get as much as he could, thinking you were "dumb" and wouldn't work it out, still wallowing in pain ..

Have fun with your girlfriend in the mountains, get drunk, laugh and dance with the moon naked if you want...

Keep those spirits up.. Your a blessing to those whom are challenging the same you have spirit so fight for what is right.

CW

[Annette]

Don't worry - I forwarded them to an e-mail address I created just for this purpose. And I have the most incriminating ones printed out and have an appointment with my lawyer in the morning about what other evidence I need. I will know more tomorrow about my strategy after my lawyers appointment. He has completely underestimated me - it took me awhile to wake up but now that I am up - watch out!

Don't get me wrong - I do not intend to make it a life long mission to get back at him because I refuse to do that to myself. I just want to figure out what I want in the settlement (and if that isn't what he wants - tough) and get it finalized and get him out of my life. I can only imagine what else has gone on that I don't know about. But really, it doesn't matter at this point - who cares anyway?

Ok - I am getting ready to go out so I will write more later. Thanks to everyone for their support!

[want honor]

HI Annette, I am going through a similar situation. When I read your post, I couldn't believe how similar we are feeling. I admire your strength and perserverance! I am trying to get there. I hate how it feels like they can just move on and be happy- not understanding or caring how much pain their putting us thru. I wish I would stop thinking about him...thinking about them!!! I wish to see the light at the tunnel soon. Wishing you the best!

[WildChild]

I finally took time to read through this entire thread and your description of an early letter, " I found a letter he had written to her confessing his undying love to her and how much he wanted her and not me etc.... This letter was written at the same time he was telling me he wasn't ready to end the marriage and wanted to live up to his committment to me." This is essentially what happened to me in my first marriage - no email then - it was letters and expensive long distance phone bills (guess who paid the bills?)

When I confronted him with the letter, poems and songs he'd written, he threatened suicide if I left him. But he kept right on doing it. We didn't own a house but because I went back to college after I left him, he got the mountain property we owned and a brand new vehicle (bought on my credit - his wasn't good enough to get finanaced) he took over the payments. I walked with almost nothing - essentially what I just did again, only this time I hadn't been the one paying for everything, although I had cashed out my retirement and savings when the recent ex was unemployed.

The moral? Learn from this, don't find another loser. You've got a lot going for you. Have some fun, take your time once you get free and keep your assets separate.

[Ashlee T.]

WC - we live and we learn huh? :-) People are quick to criticize us when we make mistakes, but most of the time, it's making those mistakes that changes what we expect from the future. And hey, it makes us sharp witty women who don't miss a beat too!!

Annette, it's been a while, I'm anxious for an update. You're like part of the family now, we all want to know how you're doing. And just remember, you're an AWESOME woman, and this mess will all soon be over and then you'll be able to put it to rest, and truly have some healing time. Moments of truly healing are unforgettable, for me always "lightbulbs" where I say "wow,....look how far I've come" not even realizing the steps I've made. It's going to be great for you...I just can't wait for all the mess to be over so it can truly begin.

[lynne]

Hi Annette,

Just noted your posting back in January Annette, and it was like reading about my own situation. I am feeling your pain and know what it's like not to eat, sleep and do nothing other than try to work out how he could leave. I do have children and they too are devastated-he has not contacted them since leaving. How is your situation now?? I have been reading lots of self help books and going for counselling, and the one thing I have learnt for sure is that some day they will have problems, and they will start to think of us. The grass IS greener on the other side of the fence, but once they have jumped over and got down to the basics, there are roots, dirt, and all the negative things which they would not believe exsisted. I now believe that being strong, in control and closing the door helps, it did for me as they often go leaving you in pieces thinking that you are so upset that they always have an option to return. Take that away and they change quicker. Think my husband has just got to this point, his new woman has 3 children by different men, one is only three, can you imagine life once fathers, grans, grandads etc. start to get involved? Let me know how you are doing, Lynne.

[tasha_correa]

Well, maybe you should go to se a therapist like your husband did. They do wonders to help you better understand yourself. Give it a try and as for the hard time you are going though I wish you my best and if you need to vent you are in the right place.

[Karma3]

I just took the time to read this post. Annette, you sound like an awesome person! Hang in there, you're doing great! I noted that you wrote about when he moves out that you don't think you could bear thinking about them together. I know it's easy for me say but....from his reactions about him calling you and wondering where you are while your dressed to kill etc......I have a feeling that HE'S going to be the one having a hard time wondering what YOUR doing when he's not around anymore. Keep smiling....especially when you present the separation agreement to him! I have a feeling that this new relationship is going to be harder on him then you in the end.
I'm really curious to hear your updates....

[Guest]

hey annette.
well. just finished reading your posts and you have done a great job dealing with this. *hats off to you* as for you EX-husband. sure you are technically still married. but i think you should start getting used to calling him your EX-husband. you deserve a cruise for what you have gone through. reading your posts reminded me of my ex through and through. we weren't married but i lived with him. and gave me the same lines. he was his own demise and karma hit him..and it hit him good.

i know everyone has given you great advice. so, my advice to you is KARMA. they will be their own demise. its nice to just sit back and watch the show. patience and faith, i know it feels like your on a roller coaster now. but hang in there it will get easier. everyone is here for you. and maybe when you are ready, you might want to see a therapist as well. just think of it as a cleansing of your emotions and have a new beginning. remember EVERYTHING is what you make of it. stay positive.

i wish you luck

<3

[Guest]

oh, if you haven't picked up tuesdays with morrie. go pick it up. its a REALLY good book. it helped me and i sometimes refer to it from time to time.