[CHANDLERS WISH]

Okay guys, we are not perfect creatures, we all have faults.

That is a fear Linds, that we mentioned a while ago regarding Jarred, also though, your not sure about him, so your probably pushing him away, yet he probably can be like Marty if you "give him time", it's soooo much easier to tease and joke and laugh over the internet, than in real life....

Maybe that's something you haven't thought of?

CW

[ThexMrs]

I agree with you some what CW. It takes much more for men than for a woman though I believe that does depend on the individual. I need more than emotions now where as before, I didn't. I NEED intimacy now which is something I have realized by being with Jared.

I know that he likes me still. In my heart I believe that he still loves me. His problem is that he is so scared to take a chance because his life, daily, has been the same for the last 10 years. He is afraid of change. Also, the woman that he was supposed to marry, that he was with for 7 years cheated on him. He has that fear as well.

I guess that is what I have to do... Forget about him. It's so hard though because we talk everyday. We are best friends. We rely on each other for support. That's why this love for him is growing all over again. I am refalling back in love with him though I never did fully move on. Being with other people at times caused me to think of him and how we were. It's a tough, touchy situation.

OGFL: He doesn't know what I have done and since then I have changed my ways. I made a couple of very foolish mistakes. I could blame it on the alcohol but it wasn't just the alcohol. I wanted to feel something that night and it was wrong but I did it and I own up to that. This is just something that Jared does... He is a one man disappearing act. We don't have a single mutual friend and I highly doubt he has found this website. So... As far as I can tell he is just being himself.

CW again: I have given it time. I've given it months since the first time we hung out. I am still giving it time however. I just want a real effort from him. We just addressed this last Wednesday. We had a great talk about him opening up and how hard it will be but that he will do it. I just don't know what to do about him. I'm really trying. The fact of the matter is though... Marty is my "one" and I believe that. Until Marty tells me that we have no future I will hold out hope for him.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think your growing day by day.

You have made some major changes in your life over the last few weeks, ones that I commend you on.

I think you are correct, "until Marty says", I am not in love with you, you can't close that door... But, he can't communicate with you daily as a "friend", knowing that you feel this way and "hoping" that you'll just turn into that friend, by him continuing down that path.

But, I can't see that you will get either out of him. You may be right, when people are "set in their ways", you can't move them..

They become complacent and they can't change their ways even though it may have been all they ever wanted without realising.. they find an "excuse" which is " I am set in my ways, I can't move"... or maybe it's not an excuse, rather that is the decision they reach, they like their life, their space and they can't change.

Jarred, you've persisted with but it's hard to continue something when your heart is somewhere else.

Sometimes, seriously, I feel we women are so much better on our own, then there is no complications, but then love comes again and bites us in the bum, lol...

It's just a mixed up world where relationships are concerned, so much compromise and communication has to be had, yet very little seems to happen.

I would just suggest to you "not" to ask, "not" to think and just "live"...

"If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it's yours, if it doesn't it never was" attitude.

This never ending "thinking" ends us driving us nuts.

That's how I cope with things, and it works for me, no heart broken, just knowledge of whom I am and smiling in that knowledge and let them be, anything is possible in life.

CW

[ThexMrs]

Thank you. I feel like I am growing as well. I'm very proud of myself. I have this sense of self accomplisment and growth. It's amazing. I didn't know I could feel so good.

You are right... I can't and I won't close that door officially until he can tell me that he does not love me anymore and that nothing will ever come of our relationship. You are also right that I can't let him be my day to day friend and in my day to day life. That's not fair to me (though I sort of don't mind) and I do need to just keep him as a friend but at a distance. Maybe talking on the weekend or possibly a couple days a week would be best.

I've thought about taking the time to write him a letter and let him know that I have to let this go (in a way) until he makes the attempt to move here and have that relationship. If he does not and tells me that he doesn't love me then I will accept that a move on - 100%.

I honestly feel like I am single and that doesn't bother me. I posted I'm not sure when, a few weeks ago about Jared and wanting him instead of being alone but now that I have taken some time and grown, I don't feel that way anymore. Being alone is not the worst thing in the world and when we have friends, are we ever really alone? Nope! So there we go with that.

[ThexMrs]

Jared called me last night. I said hello and he immediately told me that I have the worst phone in the world. I asked why and he said because he has been texting me non stop and he knows that I haven't gotten them because of the voicemails that I left him and the obvious no response. I told him that it's his phone and he said, no way... He just got a brand new phone. I told him that I don't mean the phone itself but the company he is with. He laughed and said, yes... Maybe.

We talked for a little bit and he gushed about how much he misses me and that he can't wait to see me. Hmm... I asked when? He said either tomorrow or Wednesday. Well, no text from him today, no call either. Go figure. Tomorrow perhaps? We'll see. I want to kick his butt.

As for Marty... I've not called, not texted, not emailed.

[Hopeless Dork]

Sometimes, seriously, I feel we women are so much better on our own, then there is no complications, but then love comes again and bites us in the bum, lol...

Being alone, teaches us so many things. I spent a long time alone and realized that I don't NEED anyone in my life to make it worth living. Once you are able to learn that and know it to be true, anyone that enters your life from that point on is only allowed to enrich it... make it brighter and better and if they don't - you know full well you can make it emotionally on your own.

Being self-reliant for the fundamental happiness we need to survive leaves you never bankrupt of joy.

All that being said... finding that someone, that makes each and every day a little more special, a little more fun and a little bit more sunny is worth more than gold, more than anything.

[ThexMrs]

Amen.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Ah but "finding that one" instead of seeking "all" is the answer.

Is it?
or Is it?
Or is it?

I think again, being "alone puts it all into perspective"....

We can't go:

Ryan?
Jarrad?
Marty?

We need to say : "me,me,me"

None of you...........

I am taking alone time so I can work this...

Or else all we are doing is "seeking attention" from anyone, anyone, because we so want to be loved..

What for?

Love you first, then you will find.

Gone now.

CW

[Joy]

Sounds like you are dealing with commitment issues with Marty... he has to be able to commit to his own life before he can commit to you and your life.

He may miss the boat if he waits to long but that is his problem not yours. You are growing - developing your life and branching out. One day you will wake up and realize how much inner security you have tapped into. That is the day Marty should watch out for cause you will no longer care if he is moving or not.

He probably doesn't want to be mean to you because he knows this is his issue and that there is absoultly nothing wrong with you the way you are...... so he doesn't want to hurt or ruin that about you. He wants to be in your life on some level hoping to figure it out.... "one way or another"... I think CW gave you that advice already.... she is so friggin smart and in the know!

[ThexMrs]

7 days and not a single word to Marty. I haven't called, emailed or texted him. He however texted me on Friday and I didn't respond. He sent me a picture along with the text. This is harder than I thought it would be. It's slowly killing me. I cry sometimes... I get the strong, strong urge to call but I resist. I know he's wondering what I am doing. He did text me afterall. I hate being in love with someone I can't have or could have under different living arrangements.

Jared sucks... I don't want to talk about him right now. So... No update.