[stressed]

He said he is not commitment phbic and wants to get married soon. He is just not sure if its me.

If he's not sure after all this time then he will never be. Turn off your phone, switch numbers, email addresses, everything. When you want to break up with someone you still love you have to end contact completely because otherwise they will do whatever they can to get you back; then things will start all over again.

You can't stay with him anymore, you would only harm yourself and he doesn't seem to find you 'good enough' for marriage. He never will. Your fear is probably correct, that he might marry somebody else he finds more suitable in a few years and you'll be the one left behind. It's always better to be the one ending it than expect the other to make the first move. It'll be better for you to know that you left him for specific reasons than be the one who was left for unknown ones.

[caterpillar79]

Yup, I did!

I think I want to stop taking his calls. He says he still wants us to be best friends! Its not helping me at all. This whole thing has increased my insecurity!
Caterpillar, were u taking ur ex's calls or u blanked him completely

I blanked him completely AT FIRST. I deleted his number from my phone, quarantined his email (the folder I have designated for him), changed my phone, kept all the stuff that reminds, changed the sheets, got a new hair color (though it has been scheduled prior to the break up), chose the music I listened to. I also bought myself some stuff as gifts to myself. I went back to do yoga and pilates, enrolled for tae kwan do, began singing with an international choir (local chapter), and just kept blogging every time I have anything in mind that bothers me.

I went out more, either on my own, with a friend or a casual acquaintance. I often spent more time in a bookstore during this isolation stage. I just watched people - only to realize later that I was being watched by a guy. It was about a week until this guy approached me. So we talked and are friends now. I did go out on a casual date a few times, but now, I decided that it will just hamper my growth and healing. So for now, I just maintain a healthy distance from the suitors who are pursuing me. (to be honest, i'd already have 2 marriage proposals - duh?)

I think cutting the communication for a moment will help you hasten your healing. That will give you both the time that you need to think and feel whatever it is that you need to realize. Re-think what's important to you. Make a list of your non-negotiables (I really did this, and I came up to 5). Have a friend close by who would listen to you - if there is none, you can get my number and YMessenger - we can talk.

I am turning 2 months in this break up and still holding up, but recently he texted and called and I finally opened the communication lines for him. I am still giving him another chance - but this will be the very last. If he has plans or what not, he better make it more obvious now. He has more competition now and I now know how to handle myself better. I have 4 unwavering suitors who are determined to win me over no matter how many times I have told them that I am not ready.

As for you, take your time. It will pass. It really hurts a lot. I would also recommend that you browse online and find a book on how to get your ex back - though it's not our goal, but it has the necessary literature that would help you better handle your situation. I read it, and I understand it now.

[caterpillar79]

Oh, one more thing: I watched the movie "He's not that into you" and most of it is accurate. I watched it with a male friend and he explained to me what those gestures, conversations really mean , and they are close to the general population.
Everyone is unique (like anybody else - lol), but at least you have a baseline.

[caterpillar79]

Oh, it's "He's Just Not That Into You"..........I am not good at remembering things (which is good in break ups)...lol!

[jaygirlweek96]

Wow. Thanks a lot. As for friends, I think that's even part of the problem. Am kind of a very quiet person.
The only close friend I had got married and went abroad with her husband. Ex has been like the only friend I have had in the past two years.
I spend ALL my free time with him. I am a doctor, so I work in a health centre far from home so I had to move out, and I now stay alone.
So my family is far away too. I have watched the he is not just that into you movie more than ten times!!!
It just always feels like my case should be the exception. Deep down inside am hurt that he is not crying and feeling as sad as I am.
I am a mess.
I would try to not keep in touch. I have put off my phones.

[jaygirlweek96]

Its soooo difficult. He moved into my place a month ago. We have been living like we were married. And he seemed so happy
I even felt that this would change his mind!
Its so crazy cos all his friends kip telling him how lucky he is to have me. Everyone seems to feel am soooo wife material,
Except him! Its crazy!

[jaygirlweek96]

I am thinking so many silly thoughts. What if he slkeeps with someone today or tomoro? What if he meets someone else?
I want him to regret leaving me. What if he never does?

[jaygirlweek96]

He just sent me a mail that read:

Hi baby
I am sorry for hrting you. I rreally do love you, I just don't know what I want. I pray and hope that down the line if I realise that I made a big mistake by letting you go
It won't be too late. I would come back and beg you to come back to me no matter who you are with. You mean the world to me and you are the best thing that evr happened to me



I did not reply. I am not replying.

[stressed]

honey, don't be concerned about his feelings at this stage. What if he meets someone else and marries her? That should only tell you that you weren't meant to be, that he'd be unhappy with you and that he'd only stay with you out of habit. On the other hand, what if YOU meet someone else who wants to marry you? You certainly won't regret breaking up with him then. He is not the only man who can love you and he is not the only man you can ever love. What matters now is that you and him make each other unhappy. Whether it will work with somebody else or not in the future is irrelevant. Be strong!

[stressed]

Don't reply! Even if he comes down to your door and sleeps outside. This man would do anything to get you back but it's only a matter of time before you're fed up with him again. You can do it! Come on!