[artist1633]

Members, please give me ideas or opinions of this situation. I do not know what a blog is or why members do not provide feedback in the form of a text. Please do to enhance my understanding of "her." Thanks a lot.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

We'll get some replies for you artist, to your question on page 5.

A blog, is more like just telling a story which alot of your posts are, they are expressing how you feel and what has happened that day, week without a question.

You've now posed a question.

Personally? If her best dress is at your house and she hasn't collected it or asked for it back, she's still in the "not sure" bag.

Personally? I think that you show her too much how you feel and call too much when she backs off and so she backs off more...

I'm not sure if she's gone or going yet.... I'd not call for 2 weeks full stop and just sit back.

CW

[GlitterAndStuds]

I agree with CW that you should continue to maintain the distance between the two of you, at least for now.

After reading over your posts, it seems to me that she just plain was/is not ready for the attention and affection you've been giving her. I'm still having sort of a hard time understanding exactly where these issues of her come from, but all you can do with someone like this is give them space. The more you call to check up on her, the more she is going to pull away from you.

Don't make your life all about her and your hopes that she'll come around. She might, and that would be great, but if you sit and wait for it you'll miss a lot of stuff. Go out with your friends, do anything and everything that you used to love doing before meeting her.

[artist1633]

wonderful info from both of you thanks, i'll keep anticipating more advice from all of you.
gosh, the last two pieces were great, thanks again. I'll look for more...please members, anything to can lead me to resolution would be helpful. i will pull back...give her space.

[LanaBear]

I'm going to say she's either scared or wants to end the relationship, but is unsure.

Scared because the more you give by calling, etc., the more she backs away. Maybe she knows she has strong feelings for you but is scared of what those strong feelings with evolve into should she let them grow. Maybe she feels you are clingy... Maybe her holding back is hoping you get over her perceived clinginess.

Don't make your life all about her and your hopes that she'll come around. She might, and that would be great, but if you sit and wait for it you'll miss a lot of stuff. Go out with your friends, do anything and everything that you used to love doing before meeting her.

I do agree with this 100%, don't make your life about her coming and going into your relationship.

Or maybe she just wants the relationship over. Maybe she feels that by just not coming into contact with you will give you the hint to move on. Maybe she feels by doing that she is actually sparing your feelings rather than hurting them more by saying 'It's Over'. She's obviously not thinking about the 'closure' that some people need in order to move on.

[artist1633]

Lanabear, thank you. The fact is both of us are that way, we go "all out" when starting a relationship. We do not curtail our communication. That is where we hurt ourselves. Talking till dawn, staying with each other for days, etc. etc. As for the clingy part, yes, I put all my effort into my job and relationship. This is because of the amount of love I have, the void I dare give a person. She felt it and it scared her.

[artist1633]

It is Saturday morning. Without her is beginning to be interesting. I am regaining much of what I was doing prior to meeting her. I have recognized that achieving a balance in life takes a bunch of effort. When I met her I was doing great, afterward the level lowered to "good." I am germ phobic. So let my home become a little less clean than I would normally have it.
Now I am in a frenzy cleaning the long forgotten things from the past 8 months. This may seem trivial to some of you, but for me, it is life back to normal. I wish she was still in it, but with me having a better balance with both of us communicating on the balance we both would need. I still look forward to members suggests and ideas. If you read this, please take time to add a few words. It will certainly help.

[caterpillar79]

I know I am young and may not offer the best advice, but I have been in a similar boat as her. Though my father did not abandon me when I was young, he was always away being in the military. My mom, who is a teacher, is always busy. I have my own nanny, and I was always with my grandparents. growing up like this didn't give me the time to enjoy much of parental love as a normal kid would. When my father comes home after 3 - 4 months of assignment from far away, he would spend his whole time pampering me - his only daughter - reason why I am spoiled. But behind the background, my eldest brother would verbally and physically abuse me out of jealousy for that kind of attention from dad. Now, my mom sides with him - my mom seemed to show me that she didn't love me as much as she loved my eldest brother.

That is just a glimpse of my history - I can identify with her at some point. Hers is more of abandonment, while mine is more of separation anxiety - quite similar but not really. To some extent, they do have some cross overs.

But, being molested/sexually abused the first emotional issue becomes more challenging. It is hard to trust, it is hard to get close, it is certainly very difficult to have that stable emotion for someone - hence the fear of being left behind after investing so much into that person - thus the non-committal ways she is showing you.

Though this could be the real reason why she pulls away, there is also this "inner" thoughts that she could be battling herself that she couldn't unload. Her thought pattern had been distorted long enough, it is very hard to "recoil". Unless she acknowledges the need for professional help, her condition will not progress. Unless she herself has the initiative to improve and alleviate her sufferings, she may not find happiness in the long run.

She definitely has feelings for you, but they were clouded by her demons she needs to deal with. You cannot help her unless SHE helps herself. You can only do so much....but it never will be.

Don't allow yourself to wallow into this pit of dependency on her happiness - such that you will be happy if she is. Please attend to your needs a s well. What becomes of you if she finally gives up on herself? i mean, you know...

You are strong and very loving. She failed to recognize your supportive and unconditional love for her - she is not growing at the same pace as you are. I am so sorry, but I have to tell you all these.

I have been in a budding relationship where I had this kind of support. But I did not grow at all. I realized that I have to have that love for the person that would enable me to grow with him. I found it now, and I will not let it go, unless he wants me to.

She needs to be on her own for the moment to contemplate. You, my dear, have a full life to enjoy. Give her the love she needs without pressuring her to commit. She will tell you when she's ready. Whether you will spend your life wondering and waiting for her to open up to you completely or not is your decision. Good luck.

[caterpillar79]

It is Saturday morning. Without her is beginning to be interesting. I am regaining much of what I was doing prior to meeting her. I have recognized that achieving a balance in life takes a bunch of effort. When I met her I was doing great, afterward the level lowered to "good." I am germ phobic. So let my home become a little less clean than I would normally have it.

That is a good move on your part. You should keep doing what you used to be doing on your own and not rely on her presence to feel complete. (And yes, I am a germophobe as well.) You should not lower your standards - don't settle.

Now I am in a frenzy cleaning the long forgotten things from the past 8 months. This may seem trivial to some of you, but for me, it is life back to normal. I wish she was still in it, but with me having a better balance with both of us communicating on the balance we both would need. I still look forward to members suggests and ideas. If you read this, please take time to add a few words. It will certainly help.

Now, if you'll excuse me for "stealing your thread"...lol. Did you really have that closure with her? (I didn't read some of the recent threads - sorry)...If you still communicate, how would you be able to make your life back to "normal"? Or shall I say, what do you mean by normal? It is very difficult to revert to the old ways once you were used to something.

[artist1633]

Caterpillar, thanks. No I haven't received closure. I read and reread your last two emails. They are full of wisdom. I understand you and the things I have to do.
My prayers are still full of requests for her return...of course with strong understanding of reasonable parameters for both of us. Even with my writing of these words, my heart feels less and less hope. I think that is her hope, that I give up. It will make it easier for her. She is a strong woman when it comes to discarding broken hearts. She can detach easily, it is what she has experienced throughout her life. I feel like a statistic. Especially since no phones calls are forthcoming. I will strengthen myself daily, continue with prayer and hope for the best. At this stage, I'd love to see her again.