[CHANDLERS WISH]

My BF of over 5 years and i have been living with his parents for 5 years and i have been doing what i can to convince him to move out. We have had diff. offers its not that we cant afford it. But the situation of living with his family causes mass amounts of stress on our relationship, we have almost no sex life.

What was his "reasons" as to why you couldn't move out each time you tried to discuss this, seeing as you could both afford to do so?

And, how is his Mother to him, does she "Mother him"?

Realised i missed my ex very much and called him.

Did you really, have a deep think there. Or, did you actually miss "familiarity", you were 19 when you got together, he's all you know, you don't even know what it's like to live in an apartment on your own... in essence your still living with "family", nil Independence.

we have almost no sex life.

Living together with parents is only (1) reason/excuse to not have sex.. There are "trips away", there are spontaneous sex when out, there are lots of ways in order to have intimacy outside a parent's home... Again.. Do you really think that it's only because you live with the parents? Or, have you two really grown apart and purely know familiarity.

Look what that did for you, to you, it made you "want" to be held, touched, kissed, made love to when you broke up, it has made you want to flirt and obtain attention from other Men...

Again, "get this I love him out of your head" and think logically.

he is still talking to this girl and its not just once and a while. Its every day for hours.

He's not getting you back. You have the phone records, it's been going on for a while and if you go right back, it was probably less and has grown to these "hours".. he also is not happy.

He also is saying " I love" but is he also just "used to the familiarity"...

Core Value and Beliefs is the basis of a foundation for a relationship, dreams, goals then can be set, problems can then be negotiated.

5 years is a long time.....

You may have moved 3000 miles at 19 years of age, but people grow, they change, he is not committed, he has not walked away from "family" to start one with you, if you state, he lives there so you can save for a house, a future, then is there a joint bank account for this?

What goals and dreams have you both discussed pertaining to you both?

You say "bad move" well you can do what you want when a relationship breaks up, it's usually called rebound, it could be called "finding" trying to work out what you are missing, missed if he is not "man" enough to realise that and can come to terms with his faults, 50/50 reason why this all occurred is this what you want?

Don't let someone else use "blame" to get what they want, he is using it to the hilt, as to why he can do the same thing, be it that it's only "talk" think clearly what women is going to "talk" to a guy for hours, daily unless she intends to take him away from you and what guy will "talk" for hours with another woman unless he wants to go there, down that path.

He has asked for a break because he wants to change his life and see this woman...

Be strong, brave and realise you two met young and your wasting years, literally, just "living"..

Isn't it time you had a life? Fun? Laughter? Sex? Your own life?

CW

[Kakie]

It seems he is trying to push me to leave and im not walking out on this relatinship.

perhaps he wants out but he doesn't have the gutts/courage to do it himself?

[WildChild]

It's not really a relationship any more is it? Not bf/gf. It sounds more like you've become a slightly pesty sister. Move out, move on.

[GlitterAndStuds]

perhaps he wants out but he doesn't have the gutts/courage to do it himself?

This is what I was thinking too. If there's one thing I've learned from experience, guys (most, not all) have no balls when it comes to breaking up with someone. They tend to take the easy way out and act like douche bags to get the girl to break up with them, then the pressure is off.

[caterpillar79]

It's not really a relationship any more is it? Not bf/gf. It sounds more like you've become a slightly pesty sister. Move out, move on.

I believe you, WC. Girl, move out of there and find yourself - Be yourself. If he still is the same guy you loved he'll realize that and would follow your lead.

[drgnfly]

its not that easy. If i leave i am gone i have nothing here to stay for i will move back where i am from. I will have to leave my job so if i leave there is no chance to work it out with him at another time.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Then why not find "shared accomodation", remain and keep your job...if you like where you are living now persay, and don't want to go back to where you are from.

Your making it impossible for him, because I'm guessing he "wants" to move on sweet but can't cause your living there and hense the comments he's making, the hours of conversation with another lady.

Heard of the saying "if you love someone set them free, if they come back their yours if they don't they never were".

It's his home, house,

and at this point, if he does love you, and you hang around the area, not at his home, but your home somewhere, then maybe it will encourage him to move in with you later when/if he realises...he can make it work with you.

If not, you've learn't to be independent and can decide from there.


CW

[caterpillar79]

That's exactly what I meant. MOve out of the house, not out of the city. Just have your own place and show him you are independent. You are supposed to do this for you not for him. Have that self-worth that you are supposed to have. Decide to be happy on your own for now. He is showing you all the signs, it actually doesn't matter what he says now. Most of the times, guys send signals subconsiously and we pick them up - we just decide to ignore them.

You are a great woman, and you deserve to be respected and valued, but you have to do it to yourself first. If you don't, who else would?

[drgnfly]

Just at the moment i myself am not financially stabe enough to live in this area on my own. And the only realson i am in this area if because of him. So if there is no him in my life i just think t would be better for me to be around my family who lives in another state... So there is where im having so much trouble

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Then ask him straight out, it's going to hurt anyway if he does it later, whether or not he has moved on, whether or not you two have a chance and whether or not he wants you there...

Bite the bullet because, your going to go around in circles otherwise, wondering .... at least you can move on, with him, or have closure and go back home sweet.

CW