[Hopeless Dork]

Eventually he will get over this girl. Of that I am certain. Thing is , when he is finally over her.. will he be ready to make a fresh start with you -- or just with life in general. That is what is the worry with rebound situations. You're the one to put the bandaids on, provide the comfort until they are strong enough to face the world on their own again... and all the time you invested is what it is.

I've read this entire post and did not see how soon is break up with her was to the start of your relationship with him... how much time passed in between? I don't believe there are rebound rules. We all heal different , plenty of people find the one after the one that broke their heart and there is no buffer period or practice attempts at relationships.

My problem would be is the notion that drunk people tend to speak a sober mind. Inhibitions are down and they are more likely to tell you exactly what they think without rationalizing how innapropriate it might be for someone to hear it. But on the other hand sometimes drunk people speak nonsense, jibberish and its some jumbled thought that doesn't really reflect what they think at all in sobreity.

You loving him and him being the one for you is not enough. You do need to feel like you are the one for him or you will be constantly filled with doubts and insecurities about his love for you.

I like the idea of giving it some time, there is no point in giving up if he makes you feel special and loved and happy... if he tells you you make him happy and he treats you accordingly -- why throw that away?

But you have to look out for your own best interests , you don't deserve to be second best in his mind to some girl who treated him like crud. I am not saying he sees you as such btw, I am saying you should not be made to feel that way.

He has to be giving as much as your giving and you guys meet in the middle, if you have been the one pushing the relationship along -- let him carry the weight for a while. At the very least it will give you the confidence that he's in it for the right reasons.

[newhere808]

of course she needs to say something about what she is thinking, but the deadline/timeline for "correction" isnt a good idea. men generally dont like being backed into a corner, and a deadline is just that. if she has an idea of how long she's gonna let this go for, thats ok. but it needs to be flexible in both directions.

Hmm. . . fair enough. It's not that I disagree with you, jut given the description of the situation I don't see how enforcing the idea of "i'm here for you forever" is a good call. Not having some type of finality may encourage that. It depends greatly on her delivery and how he takes it.

I guess i'm a bit more vindictive about it as I have spent a lot of my life as that person to women, the one they go to when there life is crumbling apart, but never want to move forward with. They weren't malicious about it or anything, but it's far too easy to encourage that attitude in a person, especially when you are there for them with all your heart, and i'd hate to see St. spend much more time stuck in that role.

[x.st.angel.x]

TO reply to HD post:

I told him that when he moves on from here and i want to be the girl he moves forward with....it feels like he's been leading me on otherwise and i told him that and his response was 'dont think like that, thats not how it is"

I only found this out 3 weeks ago....but the break up period was about 3-4 months and when we first met he made it out to be at least a year which would make it be two years today but thats not that case..apparently! He also said (he was drunk though) that it takes him about 2 years to fully get over someone....and i just thought to myself..."so you couldnt have told me that sooner??!"

With the drunk part, its confusing because that morning he woke up and the first thing he said was 'im sorry about last night, i was drunk"
Makes it seem like he either talks garbage when he's drunk or he speaks the truth but doesnt want it to affect him 'sober'. Thats how im seeing it anyways..

Thats how i feel, i feel second best in this situation! And believe me when i say i have told him how i feel, he didnt get a chance to speak i was so upset crying telling him everything! I just cant understand how this works....His ex messes him up so badly, cheats on him more than once. Then here comes me, i dont cheat, never have never will. I have good intentions to make this work and i feel like im being punished for being the 'good girl'.

This all changed within 3 weeks...thats it 3 weeks! His ex was always an 'issue' but was never serious until he made a serious issue.

To reply to NH post
I dont like being in this role at all....I havent seen him for only 2 days but it feels like a lot longer...also feel myself slowly letting go of what i fought so hard for and thats not what i want to do!

I have decided to try go along as normal for now... and i did try call him before i replied to this but his phone is off (as usual) so im not sure where i stand just yet

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Firstly, try finding a person in your life where there is no baggage. It's difficult, so don't class yourself as a rebound girl in each relationship.

Secondly, there will always be one person that stands out the most, that we remember the most, until we meet someone "better"....connection wise...

The problem is he states it takes 2 years, you can't put a number on something, it is or it's not...

You need to seriously ask yourself, seriously, is he better than all that you've gone out with? Do you actually really like everything about him? Or are there really lots of things that you wish were different?

Once we reach 1 month we keep going and we keep "hoping" that something will change, in your instance, past relationship and I think that you feel that way because you see yourself as always being the rebound girl and you don't want to be this time.

Take that out of your mind because as I said, every person has baggage and needs to start again...

Think purely about your soul connection and if you really don't believe that it's strong, rather, your fighting a cause, then think clearly on that.

CW

[x.st.angel.x]

Hey CW this is where the confusing part comes in. I do feel a strong connection and he is definately better than anyone else i have ever been with and i thought he felt the same because he certainly made it seem that way, also from some of the things he said. Then suddenly all of the above happens...to me its either:

1) He's crying out for help and doesnt mean what he says
2) He does mean what he says and is confused
3) He is just leading me on

I just wish he would 'start again' already....If he doesnt contact me by monday absolute latest, unfortunately i'll be the one to kick the bucket on all this

[x.st.angel.x]

I thought i might let you all know the sad update on this long story

This morning at band practise my vocalist walks and and asks whats up with my boyfriend and i?? long story short i found out he was with another chick last night and he has told everyone that we broke up...wish he told me

Anyways i decide to go over there and bust the two of them. My friend comes along for support, i jump out the car and his house mates see me and know that is about to erupt from earth. I walk through the back door into his bedroom to sadly see her all over him on his bed (unfortunately i'll never be able to forget that image) i just said "get outside, Now!" absolutely in tears laying into him with everything on my mind, he couldnt get a word in. I told him its off and that what his ex did to him he's done to me. I wanted him to hurt after putting me through all this.

I left and went back to band practise....texted him saying "The least you can do is tell people the truth, that you cheated, and that we didnt break up and i want you to tell your mum what you did"

I want him to feel the pain he's caused me. His friends are not happy with him, its just something you dont do! I also sent him a message saying, "have the guts to call and apologise and explain yourself' He replied and said he would later and he's so sorry and he misses me bla bla bla not falling for it.

Anyways this is over and moving on but i feel fantastic now! i feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders when a few hours ago i thought i couldnt be happy for a very long time im smiling as im typing this because for once in over a year i feel like i have the power and i feel like i have overcome something really harsh.... (seeing him cuddling another girl in bed)

But i feel good...still waiting on the phone call though lol

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Oh dear!!!!!!!!!

X.st.angels... smile, better you found out now than later and I know it's hard to see what you saw but imagine how she felt? Imagine his shock?

Please don't wait for the call nor say anything else to him, the best treatment is ignorance.

Doesn't matter what he says, you caught it all and your friend was with you and that will speak volumes.

I don't know what else to say to you...

He lied, he's a cheat and thank that you saw the intuition, because you did.

CW

[newhere808]

Wow St. i'm sorry things blew up that way, but like you said, at least it's something of a resolution. I just hope that what he's done doesn't stick with you for too long. You deserved more than to be playing the role of "support" while he does what he will.

I hope you can bounce back stronger St. Take care.

[x.st.angel.x]

Thank you CW and NH i feel great though! a huge weight is now gone....I know its mean but because of what i had to see this morning i feel i still have the right to say what i want to him so i've told him he better call and apologise

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I'm actually pleased your taking it that way, because that means you saw things you weren't happy with, believed and that you have self worth, very proud of you..

NO, NO, NO. lol's I'm older than you listen to me, here's the facts.

If you don't speak with him or allow him to speak he has no closure can you see that? He will always wonder what your thinking.

If you do and give him again what for, pfttttt he wins.

Think sweet.

xx