[BabyGirl]

Thank you for your input Lucybelle. You don't sound cynical at all to me.
You seem,and I may be very wrong about this, but you seem to have a detailed or certain mind~set that has only two ways about it.

Similar to a two way road, when you are told you can only go North on one side of the road and South on the other and that there is a "Imaginary line" that cannot be crossed or wavered over. If you do cross it you are totally going the wrong way. One that even if there was an animal or a tree branch or a disabled vehicle or power line on your side of the road, it is wrong to detour over that line .

This is not to be negative or combative. But in my experience so far . Life's roads are not that simple or simple enough to be able to travel it in the one Right way or Wrong way road. We all take turns to the left or right, East or West. North or South.. We all swerve somewhere along this road . We ( most ) all try to avoid hazard to others in some way or another.

On Your *everytime someone suggests I end this relationship.*


I am moving forward, I am Loving someone again. I am worth more than a one day sex trip and I can be a Soulmate to someone on this planet.. It seems you have found yours, I would like to be where you are.

I do not feel I am "Defending" anything . I am explaining my position and my feelings and still asking for others Opinions..

There are alot of people asking questions and I am new to this type of " asking" for help. So I am trying to take one feeling or question at a time. I work 50 hours a week and cannot sit here and moderate or reply instantly to all posts to me about what I asked in the first post.

I do however try my best to come home and see if any of your advise or comments are on this site and have any Positive advise/opinions or just basic support or non support.

I do read what you feel and I feel what you write.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I do read what you feel and I feel what you write.

That's very profound, I am going to have to pinch that

I think if people look deeply at your first post and your answers to questions, you posted to get the thought out in the open, and now your expressing.

You certainly didn't come here to be judged, or accused of not listening... you didn't ask how to end it, and then chose not to listen...

You will always have people see things in black and white, and then you will have people that will see alot of different colours

CW

[BabyGirl]

CW.



You have hit it....... Very hard... Very hard on all points.

I am not a "Christian" but I am Native . It's a belief different from Many.... I was taught Right from Wrong, !!!!

I was taught to care and love and to love and love and love.
And I have had children (4) 1 husband that passed away and a husband somewhere and I still love ....... Someone that makes the other Piece of my Puzzle.

But CW has a past life and still seems to have a heart, this is a Scary one.

I also have"Lived and Loved Before" I am in my Fall season of Life. We all have 4 seasons, Winter, Spring, Summer & Fall.. Depending on and I say this depending on what your life is ( Born and other things) I believe I am here for a Reason !! I am in my Fall of life and I get the Spring and Winters also.. Is it the "Summer " that I must repeat. ????


You seem to be

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I am not Christian either, nor native, nor have I ever gone to Church, although I have walked in one, a couple of times...

I was taught right from wrong as well, so that is morals.. That is what is playing on you, your up-bringing...

And, then there is love. Un-conditional love. You love and you give, no matter what, no matter how many times you are hurt, you get up and you keep giving, loving, no matter who it is, because it's your belief, just give it... and that is mine as well.

Mmm... CW does have a past life, I don't know what it was/is, or how many, I tend to think more than one... But, love? I have so much love to give that I know therefore, pain, in that giving and maybe that is why I am writing what I am writing to you, because I sense as far as that is concerned, you are the same.

So do I have a heart? Ask my Mother, she always told me, "too big", just like my Grandmother, I agree, but scary? I don't think so...

I believe I am here for a Reason !!

A saying that I often state myself...

If you have lived and loved before, old soul. If you are in your fall, but you get spring and winter still, you can not be in your fall, as that would be the ending of all seasons, so if you have to repeat summer, then you have to start your seasons all over again, which means that this has to go through all seasons..

You seem to be............

scary? different? probably

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I am explaining my position and my feelings and still asking for others Opinions..

Just to bring that quotation up, as obviously, it would help if other's "didn't read what I wrote", that's my opinion, rather, add to this and offer your own thoughts, opinions for the OP...

We are all different in the way in which we think.

CW

[BabyGirl]

Thanks CW, oh and the Scary meant we seemed Similar in believing in possible past lives and Knowing someone when you just met them. I should have said Scary in Similarity: No offense was intended.

I took a couple of days to read and ponder others comments and opinions and Advice. Now I can continue the reason I started this thread.
The" It's getting Risky Part".

What has happened these past few weeks since Spring is here ( Seattle Washington Area) is that instead of the usual once every two weeks or 3 weeks of Weekend Days off ( mine ) He's always off on weekends. Is that we have started to meet for his Lunch hour (he gets 2 hours off for lunch) so we try to meet on my days off, which are usually 2 days off in the week.

His drive time to the park we meet at is 15 minutes, my drive time to the park from my home is about 10 minutes. This Park has a lake and hiking trails, Now that the weather is warmer, more people are out and about enjoying the weather , hiking the trails and walking dogs and bringing kids to feed ducks.

We always meet at the waters edge,cross a bridge over the stream that feeds the lake and walk a ways and stop by this huge tree that gives a bit of privacy from the lake's view, the foilage on the trail is dense and basically gives some privacy from the other area's views.

We usually spend a few minutes talking in person about our lives, daily things we forget to txt about. But we always end up in each other arms, holding and kissing and fondling and getting to the point of wanting to make love. Which is both exciting and frustrating for us both. When he goes back to work and I back home, We txt each other the rest of the day and plan the next meeting at the park.

The problem is that last week we got caught " Making Out".. And it was pretty Erotic.. We were clothed but our actions were as if we were un~clothed making out. Hands on breasts and hands on crotch ( his ) and some Loving and Choice words of what we were feeling.

Thankfully the people who " Caught " us were an even older couple than us and were walking a dog. We were so lost in each other that we forgot we were in a Public Place. And Thankfully they just smiled, we know they saw us and were embarrassed. And they just said Hi, we said Hi and they said "Have a nice day " , Of course we replied " the same to you "...

That is when I joined this Site, I feel / felt scared and worried and embarassed, like I just got caught with my hand in the Cookie Jar. Which was actually in his Cookie Pants. I thought.... What am I doing ? I'm acting like a Teenaged Girl in Lust and in Love.

This gets worse. We met same place same time 3 days later and didn't get caught, but kinda, We were walking back down the trails, talking about the Sunday I had off coming up ond May 2nd. ( the day after I joined here). And My H.B. ( Huggy Bear) Said " I can't wait to * Bleep, Bleep & Bleep * And I will Sex ya like you Want it this Time Baby !!

Well, here behind us walks a man with his dog and walks right past us from behind. We didn't even hear or see him comming from behind.

That is when I joined this site. I basically wanted a little info, never used a site like this, tried to answer most questions in order, give a little History.

And there were so many posts to read ,digest and respond to that I tried to answer and explain to one person at a time. At the same time I was taking in info,opinions, been there done thats and trying not to be defensive or take things personal.

This is getting Long, So I will tell you about Sunday the 1St of May in next post..
**** CW , thank you for adding me as a Friend. Sure can use and Help in retune one that seems ** Scary thought * ~ Connected~?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

haha, thanks for clarifying, phew, wipes brows

And wipes brows over that story...

Said " I can't wait to * Bleep, Bleep & Bleep * And I will Sex ya like you Want it this Time Baby !!

So, your fear is that there will be someone that you know one day, or he knows that will catch you?

Or, that you are acting like teenagers and your a little unsure of the "reality" of all of this, is that normal for our age plus?

Just thought I would throw that in for you, why not add another question.

In any event, it's getting heavier, in as much as time spent... He's looking to spend more and more time with you...

Question 2). You meet in the park.. What would happen if you met somewhere "private", has that ever occured? I'm not encouraging you to sleep with him, far from that, your story un-folded like a love story, it also un-folded to me, of pain and possible ending at some point.

What I'm worried about is his words, I guess that's like a "male" teenager and for the others that read my comments here, you did state that you talk like old souls, and only talk, apart from kissing and cuddling, now off course a bit of foreplay added in.. But, is that his usual way of speaking?

Your welcome for the friends request.

I can't see the whole picture here, I see two pictures at the moment and therefore, I'm going to hang about until you finish the story.

CW

[BabyGirl]

I'll try to answer in order without getting too long or complicated.

Question #1, The Fear Factor ...

It is some of Both.
He lives in my General area about 5 miles away, he is Retired Military and knows alot of people, This is a Military town and even though he is Retired he still works on the Military Base in a Civilian Job.
There are lots of Military " Community " Functions he attends with his wife.
The Park we meet at is one frequented by some of those people in the Community.
There also is a chance we could be seen/caught. add in the fact that his truck is very distinct as his has stickers and things that no other truck in town has.

Question #2... We have met outside of the park, many times, maybe a dozen in this past year. Always on Base in the Forrest, that is where the river is that we go to.

A few times (5) I think, if you count today May 9th, We get very "frisky". We get to the point that we are both "ready" and still clothed or mostly clothed, start to undress and then ... How to put it delicately ? He Deflates at the last minute. Which frustrates us both, He apologizes and I tell him not to worry.
The thing is that even if he could Never perform Sexually. My Love for him is still all inclusive. It is More Heart or Soul Mate Feeling of Love than anything...
He says it's (his Deflation ) is because it's wrong & he is Married. And I am Legally Married to a potential , could come live with me, when I can make enough money immigrant.. Also I understand whole heartedly and actually Respect and Admire him (my Honey) for his feelings on his "inability" to perform, if it is actually due to his right from wrong belief in the marriage of "stay unto one". I do however feel it is E.D and needs Medical assistance. Especially at home . It may possibly be why thaey neither of them have a Romantic or Sex life.

But !!!! Then why do we persist in trying to make love ? We just cannot seem to just be at a "Friend" level. We always end up being romantic and " Frisky" . Cannot seem to keep our hands off of each other. Cannot stop from Kissing and Holding each other.

We are progressively getting more daring and more Intense on our " Lunch Dates" and on my Off weekend dates. Does he want to get caught so his wife will leave him ? He is in a Married Platonic, Non Sexually or even Basic Loving Marriage. But says he must keep his Commitment to his Marriage.

Question or Statement #3
His words, that I " bleeped " are and were Erotically Graphic and I was unsure of the "terms of use" here on Getting too Graphic.

So... That's about it other than Today....Mothers Day here in the USA and Seeing my Honey.. Any other questions. ?
I hope others can give beneficial and non Derogatory advice or Opinions

[Hopeless Dork]

I wonder if he his erectile dysfunction pushed him into this affair in the first place. If he's an older gentleman, facing some erection problems with the wife... instead of seeking medical help and admitting (to himself, more than anyone else) that he may be having ED ( a very hard thing on a male ego) he thought he just need some more exictement and that would help it?

So now he's getting that excitement with you... and still unable to seal the deal... he really should see a doctor as lack of blood flow to the member, can mean a lack of blood flow to the heart and brain, diabetes, heart disease etc etc.

If he is able to GET erections, but just loses them at performances... could be anxiety based. Do you know if he masturbates and is able to orgasm on his own?

[BabyGirl]

I really don't believe his E.D. pushed him into this affair with me as we were friends first and other than some kisses and cuddling, there was no attempt to make love for the first 4 or 5 months. As I believe it was CW that said , this has been more of an Emotional Affair until recently.

To me if it was, his feeling that maybe he needed more excitement to overcome a problem of E.D with his wife ,it would seem that he would have attempted actual intercourse with me sooner in the beginning of the relationship. I did mention to him that he might want to see a Dr. I believe the 2nd time we failed the "Seal the Deal " as you put it. He casually said you think so ? I know he had a complete physical in early December. I doubt that he talked with his Dr. about his problem.

He is 49 and I am 53, He isn't what I consider an Older gentleman, to me 70's would be deemed older. I am not sure when E.D. sets in agewise
On May 2nd, after another failed union, I mentioned it again in a text. and he just said it wasn't a Medical Problem.But , I like you, believe it is.

He does get it up and I'd say 85 percent "firm" but on attempting to penetrate, it is not "firm" enough to enter. And this ends up "deflating" it. Does he mastrabate ? I have no idea. He has apologized for " letting me Down " and has said that when he and his wife, ( the extremely rare times she's in the mood and that is usually when she is drunk) That he has no problem maintaining it and "Sealing the Deal" And puts the failure off on his Conscience and guilt.

The thing is, that we still try and next month will be 1 year of seeing each other romantically. If it were just a sexual relationship, i'm sure it could end easily . We have tried to "stay apart" so to speak, tried having no contact, not even texting. The longest we have been able to do this is 48 hours. This is usually by my part, telling him he needs to forcus on his marriage and his wife and fixing things with her. He agrees and then we try to be strong and not contact each other. I do pretty well at this until he sends me a text, saying he misses me and loves me. Thats all it takes and there we are arranging another lunch date.

I am not very strong when trying to end this or back it back up to the friendship we started with. I cannot imagine him not in my life.