[Hopeless Dork]

He is 49 and I am 53, He isn't what I consider an Older gentleman, to me 70's would be deemed older. I am not sure when E.D. sets in agewise
On May 2nd, after another failed union, I mentioned it again in a text. and he just said it wasn't a Medical Problem.But , I like you, believe it is.

49 isn't an older gentlemen in the terms 'get that man in a nursing home!' older I hope I didn't offend by that. I meant older in gentlemen in assuming he was likely over 40 and in higher risk categories for heart disease (a major side effect of that being erectile dysfunction) and other medical conditions.

If he's only getting up to 80% it is real important that he gets a physical as it does seem to lend it self to him having some blood flow problems.

It does not appear that he entered in the affair for the excitement if he didn't attempt to have sex with you for several months, however, perhaps he was also waiting so long , until you had emotionally connected with him... so that you would be less likely to take off when discovering he was unable to have a complete sexual relationship with you.

[BabyGirl]

Hopeless. you did not offend me at all. It's just that to an 18 year old or someone in their 20's almost 50 is or can seem pretty old. Lol

May I ask why you (or anyone else ) think(s) he holds on to our relationship if since he has a wife and as he says there is no problem sexually on those rare occasion?

Though I don't believe that to be a whole truth. Maybe you are correct in it effects his man pride ? It's really none of my business if he does have relations with his wife. It's not that he constantly complains about her, It is actually rare that he brings her up. He's pretty quiet about his home life with her. But shares the things he does in his days and days off.

I am confused as to how to handle my feelings . Mostly that I am a " Misstress" or at least an Emotional Mistress and that things are getting Risky (er) And more Frustrating that we are attempting to be more "sexually" Linked and the failing in it and also the possiblity of getting caught or seen and it getting back to his wife.

I also work in a field that there are lots of men , many ask me out and , This will sound Stupid, but I would feel I was Cheating on my Honey if I did date. And seriously I'm just not interested in anyone but him.
Gawd, I'm a Mess .. Lol

A Note on this relationship. He has told me he wants me happy and that I should find a man I can be happy with and live with and share a real life with. Because he cannot leave his wife. Then one time there was no good morning texts or any all day or night. Finally I texted him if everything was ok and he said he'd had a dream I found someone and said goodbye to him. He was Jealous and hurt that I had left him, even though it was only a dream he had.

What a Mess... But thanks to those who are putting in their questions and input. It is appreciated and helping me try and figure out a solution to my Delima.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

When a man is only after one thing and married, the last thing he does, is meet at a place he may be caught.

Unless.

Sub-consciously, he wants to get caught...

Would also not a Military background, ensure he knows the word "control"? "Disapline"?

And, so as he is firm on his beliefs but can not let you go, maybe he is able to control and be disaplined.

I can see your fear but you know, someone, will catch you both.. that is why you fear.

And, I wonder, what will happen then.. Do you tempt fate? To see what the outcome is? Both of you?

Would that mean, you will be blacknamed? Would that mean that she would leave him?

I don't know.

But, it's perhaps something that in the near future you both are going to find out...

And, given that he is persuing even more, not backing off, I tend to think sub-consciously, that is his solution..

Be clear and sure, that he would move heaven and earth for you, protect you and not desert you if that was to occur.

Pose the question.

CW

[BabyGirl]

[FONT="Book Antiqua"][SIZE="2"] Thank You CW for more to think about.

The fear I have is not for myself. it is for him. I have nothing to lose if we get caught. I live in an apartment (8 years now). My 2 youngest children live with me, Son 23, he works and has no relationships at this time, daughter 20 in College. They have never met him. but they know I see him from time to time and that we go out on some weekends to the river.

I always take a good camera and bring back photo's of flowers or mossy covered trees or Eagles flying over the river or sunlight illuminating ferns through the trees. Basically anything interesting that we see that is nature connected.They know he is married, but unhappy in his marriage. And that is all they know. As long as I seem happy, My kids are happy to not question my meeting with my " Nature Buddy".And I certainly am not going to tell them about acting like teens and making out in the park a couple of times a week .. Lol

Now to My "Honey". Should he / we get caught having an "affair" , all would break loose. He owns a home, has nice vehicles,lives on the edge of a golf park. Is very neighborhood involved. BBQ's and things. Then include the Military friends and co-workers and family, both his and hers and even though they have been married only 2 1/2 years They are a big part of a Community.

It is his Reputation that worries me, now I must say that on his 49th Birthday ( April 24th) there was a big BBQ and that is the evening that his wife got drunk and fell and cracked a rib and ended up in the ER. This she did in front of a large group of family and neighbors. He is a proud man and I am sure it was extremely embarrasing to have to send his guests home.

*** Note ** the next lunch visits at the park when things were getting Steamy was two days after this. ( Meaning the Public park teenage actions) we met twice for lunch during that week and had that saturday comming up as a Nature Date... Thats when I joined this site a couple of days after the Frantic Public Grouping.

So here I am , Loving him, wanting him happy, it doesn't have to be with me. Happy in his marraige would be great. Have offered to research counseling for his wife. Given advise, probably wrong advise, like "instead of taking blocking her truck with yours so she can't drive drunk, just let her get caught, The courts will get her the help she needs "


Will continue this evening.. It's 6:30 am , gotta get ready for work. Will see if anyone has any opinions on this set of my story.

[Hopeless Dork]

Usually people seek affairs for what they think they are missing in their relationship (though some have everything they need and still just want more, feel they deserve more) .

Just because you guys are not having intercourse I wouldn't rule out him being in this affair for the sexual aspects, the passion, the making out like teenagers etc...

He might not have that with the wife, and all the affection you give him may be something he's missing.

Affection, attention, the adoration you bestow upon him. Its almost a drug to some people especially if they feel reletively unnoticed by their significant other. Finding someone that makes them feel alive, necessary, can be hard for some to resist.

[BabyGirl]

After thinking about this situation, I may have come to a decision about this "Affair". Sometimes seeing your own thoughts or feelings in print and getting feedback makes things clearer.



This morning I texted him that we may have to end this soon, as he has so much to lose and as the weather has gotten better, we are meeting more often and taking chances that could get us caught. And that if he was caught and his wife found out , if she didn't leave him , she would make his life miserable and he would feel guilt and shame for a long time to come.

If she did leave him, there would be a divorce, the mess of the neighbors and friends and family taking sides, and of course financial costs. She already has a drinking problem and it could complicate that issue, cause harm to herself or even others if she drove drunk. He takes the keys away or blocks her truck now, when she's drinking, but if she left him over this and something happened, how would he feel ?

I told him, I know how I would feel if my actions drove someone to do something that could harm themselves or others. And also that he would most likely hate me for my part in the relationship.

I know that I cannot drive her to drink, but being part of this "Affair" could make her problem progressivley worse if she found out he was "cheating" on her and getting the love from someone else . I told him I was not functioning well as he and this "affair" has been on my mind alot this past couple of weeks..

He texted back that, trying to Quote him here Verbatim Text"s

# 1 " Good Morning BG ( stands for BabyGirl ) I guess from the last 3 texts that you don't ever want to see me again ? The last thing I ever want to do is take away your ability to function.

Text # 2 "U worry too much about things that u cannot control, fearing the worst could come to those you love. Our time together has been both good and not so good like many others be 4 us we don't live in a perfect world. I do respect ur decision and will not interfer in your life no more . ( Note * This is not how he usually types , with U's and Ur's and No Mores and Be4's)

#3 This is Goodbye and so long .It's so sad to my heart that we never really got a chance to know one another better.
:-( ....... Love You always. Can we say goodbye in person ? Texting is so impersonal ? can U look me in the eyes and say it's over ? if U can then I will leave you alone to find another love. One who can be ur all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~` GRRRRRRRRR....

Needless to say this tore me up. So I gave in to something. maybe I shouldnt. We had plans for a night together the 29th of this month.(May). His wife is going to another State for 4 days for her Nieces High School Graduation. She leaves Thursday , comes back Sunday early afternoon. He works Friday , so may I , but I asked 6 weeks ago for the 29th off.

We had thoughts of going to the Coast, 80 miles away, walking beaches, being like we were really a couple, somewhere no one could " Catch us or Know us". Possibly spend the night in a motel. He says he's better at engaging in Intercourse nightime. And of course a bed would be a bit better for both of us in comfort, rather than a grassy meadow.

Anyway, I offered him a proposition, that we defer the " Breaking up" until we have this one night we have been waiting almost a year to have. I also told him that if we ( meaning HE cannot make love sucessfully, His 80 % Hard and Functionable).. Then that tells us something. Tells us Something Important and that is that WE cannot be FullyTogether at this time.

Whether it be his Conscience/ Guilt ( as he claims, I did not Mention E.D. again)
Or it is just not for us to be Sexual Partners, not in the Stars, not in the plan of Soul Mates for us at this time. And we can try to back up and be the Friends we were a few months ago?

His 4th text was " DEAL !!!!! and a and a Promise ??? "

So that is where I am at right now. Friday the park for the Sweet Hugs and Kisses, NO Teeny Bopper actions Agreed by both, Making plans for the Saturday/ Night.
and then ????????????
UNKNOWN.

Any Polite, Respectful Advice is going to help me with this.

I am Intelligent, I am Mature, I am a Certified Professional in my Field , I am a Mother of 4 . 35/30/23/20. Ages Respectivally boy/girl/boy girl.
youngest 2 are Virgins. 1 married 7 years (30) other one TBI. (35 year old).

I also can offer Opinons on Situations I have been in before. That is how i have 2 virgins in the family . LOL But not sure if I should when I cannot figure my own situation out ? First Time..
Thanks to all that add or Help here ..

Please forgive any typos (Sp)

[CHANDLERS WISH]

mmmm, okay.

So your whole text messages were about "her" in reality... What it would do to her, how she would react and therefore, what may happen from there.

His response was " something you can't control" that being, what may happen to her/him/them.

You used the word affair to which his reply was "only" on the functioning.

That is called selective hearing.

He then used the "card" doing it in person.. And, you used the "card" yeah well I won't do it at all if you can get it up and finally make love to me... and he responded with a smiley face.

See, I know your a deep person, with soul, love, heart. He calls you "baby girl" and so that really gets to your heart.

I would like to read people's response to this post actually on how they see it, feel..

Would a man with heart, and soul, not say something more like:-

" You know, you are my soul. Maybe it would be a good thing if we got caught, IDK, I know I'd lose everything but maybe your right, that I just feel guilt and can't do that, maybe your right that we should not meet. But, I still need you. And, I love you.. How can we get through this jumbled mess? What do we do? "

That, based on your initial thread... the soul. Two souls. That connection...

Am I too romantic? To have wanted his reply to be more in tune with above?

Are, you setting yourself up, because if he does manage to get it up and you do have that intimacy you've craved, you will want more...

There is no doubt about that in my mind.

Where will that leave you then?

There were questions to ask him.. more so, of what would happen if? To find out, where you really stand in all of this, soul connection.

The text messages you sent were, I can't do this to her.. or let you loose everything.

A woman would want to hear, something comforting wouldn't she?

Not, can we meet in person? And, now your back talking about sex.....

I think your mind is mash potatoes. I think your starting to see this a little differently than the hopeless romantic, woman with soul whom met a man who she connected with and would do anything to keep him...

You need to pose the question.

What if? What would you do? It may not be in your control, as to what happens, but don't you want to see the picture in advance? Your dumped? Or, he runs to you and is grateful that it's all over and your together?

CW

[BabyGirl]

Thanks CW & HD.. it seems No one else of the 700 plus views has any opinions or advise or questions. In the last 2 weeks, we have gone thru most of my Life ( the part mistress part)

And I work and get home at different times and don't answer posts on here right away.
I do respect and want opinions. , It does help me try to be the best I can be. We all need Support and Critique .. A positive type..

I do want to post the rest of the story, but it seems to be in sections/ or chapters due to everyones questions and trying to think, analyze and respond
to the full story would take so much longer and would be an Auto Biography of the last year. Of the life of "His babygirl "

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well mam...

I agree, I have a couple of times "asked" for other's opinions.

Maybe they are confused? There are two stories, so to speak the soulful man, connection, and then the baby, definately, chemistry, sexual tensions and foreplay in the parks.

I will again ask "People" have a look at this thread and gage what you think.

But, I will also ask, that in the event that they are not due to confusion over it could be and then it could be, as I myself are now finding.

Then, please type it day by day, on a word dock, copy and paste when you are ready and let's read it all

CW

[Explorer44]

Personally I simply don't see that there is a desire by the OP to really end it. My opinion won't change that.

Everything that was written about the risks and embarassment and lives potentially damaged has not stopped the affair (which is what it is).

So either continue and know that it will probably be discovered at some point (and if it does, be prepared to accept societal blame for it happening, because it seems that in such situations the woman takes the heat usually) or truly end it and cut contact so as to not be tempted to indulge yourselves one more time...over and over again, lol.

I'm not stating condemnation here. I am simply pointing out that the OP seems to have set her hat, if you will, for this man. So I'm not certain that any advice would alter that! Isn't there a line in a movie "the heart wants what it wants"?