[Guest]

I guess the fact that he's a 6ft 2, 250lb former college football player that really gets me. I hate that type. She's only 5ft 4.5! I keep seeing this big oaf with my girl. Their size difference repulses me. It just does. She's just so tiny compared to him. She claims he was on the chubby side. Awful to consider, but hard for me not to

[sourpuss]

Why does it matter how tall she is and how tall he is? It shouldn't matter. It doesn't matter. Just because he's 6'2" doesn't mean anything. My ex is 6'1" over 200lbs and he was smaller than my current boyfriend who is 5'5". Either way, matters not.
What matters is that she's with you because she like you. Focusing on physical appearances will ruin your relationship.

[Texinator]

I guess the fact that he's a 6ft 2, 250lb former college football player that really gets me. I hate that type. She's only 5ft 4.5! I keep seeing this big oaf with my girl. Their size difference repulses me. It just does. She's just so tiny compared to him. She claims he was on the chubby side. Awful to consider, but hard for me not to

Why should the size difference repulse you? I'm nearly 6'8" and 250 lbs... I may not be the most muscular guy but I'm not fat either. The tallest girlfriend I've ever had was 5'7" and most are more between 5'3" and 5'5". The top of their head doesn't even reach my shoulder. It might be comical to see... but repulsive?

[LanaBear]

Their size difference repulses me. It just does. She's just so tiny compared to him.

IMO, that's just childish... The physical height of two people shouldn't matter to you or anybody else... You are focused too much on appearances and it is shallow to be honest. You really need to reevaluate your outlook on what you value and what matters in life.

[Guest]

I know. It's very, very stupid and shallow. Which, is why, I am trying to stop.

[Texinator]

Do you have a general feeling of inadequacy that's not limited to your girlfriend's ex boyfriends or even to the subject of romance? Sounds to me like there is a deeper fear than just how you compare size wise.

[Ashlee T.]

I have to say.......I appreciate and commend your honesty. You realize that your thoughts are irrational and even shallow, but you're embracing them so that you can gain control of them and inevitably rid of them.

I think counseling is your best bet here..keep going even when you feel like it's not helping. I think you've got some insecurity issues to work out that have NOTHING to do with a mans height and weight.

I have been hurt in the past...made to feel inadequate in previous relationships at times..(haven't we all), and being totally honest, I've had moments where I'd see a pic of someones ex and it would REALLY bother me. Maybe I felt like that person was so different than me, I'd think "how could he possibly be attracted me to AND to her!?", then I'd start to think that maybe his love for her was stronger because she had great big boobs, or blonde hair, etc etc and if someone else came along that looked more like that, he'd leave me for her. Was it irrational and born strictly out of insecurity and jealousy? Yes.

The green eyed monster IS a monster....it can destroy everything in its past. There is only one thing stronger........YOU. You can beat this if you want to. If you can't....then you seriously need to consider letting this gal go so she can be with someone that loves and appreciates her for who she is, and that includes her past.

[Guest]

That's exactly it. I have seen them and think - "they're all above average height. Three out of three that I have met - unfortunately - have been 4 inches taller than me. So it bugs me. I can't help but think that this is what she looks for and that I'm a real exception at 5ft 10. Stupid? Yep. True? Well, according to her, these guys were not sought based on a height but rather by coincidence and circumstance. She also thinks I'm shallow to think this way. If there were a guy who looked more like me i her past, I think I'd be a lot less bothered by this.

I just wish I didn't meet them. I live in a big city and for some reason, I keep running into them. Over and over. Each time, I'm set back just a bit more. Just last weekend, one of them came into a coffee shop we were in. The football guy. I had to shake his hand. Awful. Just awful.

What's even worse is that before this, I had no self-esteem issues at all. In fact, I've always been very popular with women. Even without trying. I hate this and really want it to stop. You have no idea.

[Guest]

Sadly enough, I am very close to ending it. I have tried so hard to get by this, but I can't. I'm actually trying a hypnotist on Friday in yet another attempt to get a handle on this. It's particularly hard because she is, without a doubt "the one". I know this. So it really hurts to see yourself sabotaging something so right with irrational thoughts and feelings. We're actually engaged now, but I will end it if this is what I'll always be like. I can't do that to her. Just not fair.

[Ashlee T.]

I hate this and really want it to stop. You have no idea.

I do. But when women go through this......we're labeled as psycho, jealous, hormonal, moody, need to change birth control pills or something. lol. Seriously though, you've met them (this one in particular), so realistically, it should get easier now. You've met him, shook his hand, your relationship moved right along, she didn't leave you for him, she's not calling you his name in bed, so this should provide a little closer now. If you let it.

Like I said, been there, done that. Honestly. "She's blonde, 5'7", 135 lbs with big boobs...and I'm 5'3", 120 lbs with a B cup.......HOW could he like me if he liked her?!?!". But this had NOTHING to do with her appearance, or mine.......it had everything to do with me not being comfortable with myself and my fear of being left, therefore being alone. I spent a few years just dating various people, nothing serious....and spent ALOT of time alone, getting to know myself, establishing a confidence and a love for who I am and I no longer deal with that insecurity on any sort of heightened level.

You have someone you love. You don't want to lose her. Your fear IS losing her. And you're taking "control" of the situation by sabatoging it yourself. Not good my friend. I've been saying this alot lately, but it's true....it's mind over matter. When the thoughts come into our minds, we do have the ability to say "Hey negative thoughts, thanks for stopping by today, but I don't want you here... you're not welcome. Get out.". If you can learn to gain control over those thoughts, you may have a shot at keeping this relationship together.