[pretzel]

But see....if you're crying and sniffling over how bad you hurt, saying you need pain meds just to get by the next few days, telling me that nothing helps............THEN go play basketball.....you SORTA lose some credibility in my eyes. lol

yep.

Never said you were wrong.

Just said I did the same thing. But, I never used that as a sympathy card either.

[Guest]

He made the bed by "crying wolf" now he can lay in it for a while without garnering much sympathy from you. Sounds like a good deal to me.

[stressed]

But see....if you're crying and sniffling over how bad you hurt, saying you need pain meds just to get by the next few days, telling me that nothing helps............THEN go play basketball.....you SORTA lose some credibility in my eyes. lol

This shows that he either (one or more of the possibilities below):

- Cannot take care of himself: he's in pain during the day and risks playing basketball at night, unaware it might affect his back (although I doubt this possibility as he's a grown man and he definitely can take care of himself if he has to).

- He likes the attention and care you show him, whether it's because he has back pain or because his nose is running (for example).

- He gets lazy/uncomfortable and uses his symptoms whenever it's convincing to escape an unpleasant, to him, situation.

- He's hypochondriac.

It's very common for men, especially at his age, to complain about their health a little bit, since they're changing and they're not in their 20's anymore, able to do anything at any time. This can also get them down emotionally as they find it hard to accept they can't play basketball as much as they used to because their body doesn't allow them to (for example).

However, it becomes annoying when this happens daily or weekly and goes on for months and months AND they avoid doing certain things but still do others. From a point and on they can give you impression that they CAN but don't want to. Somebody is either sick or is not, there's no in between depending on the mood. You can't have back pain and do things important to you, but not do things you don't want to do even if you still have the back pain, especially when it involves people important to you. If he'd skip meetings to be with you it's one thing, but you're quite early in the relationship and he's already started with his health problems and contradicts himself. If he won't change attitude this will annoy you forever so be prepared.

[Texinator]

I think some people will complain endlessly but never seek a solution because... they hope it'll get them attention and sympathy. Not saying that's your boyfriend, BD; just a general observation.

[jns]

BD, it sounds to me like he may want a mommy figure. He wants comforting and assurance, just like a mother would give.

[Ashlee T.]

BD, it sounds to me like he may want a mommy figure.

Noooooooooooo, not another one of those!!! Gosh I hope not!!!!

- He likes the attention and care you show him, whether it's because he has back pain or because his nose is running (for example).

- He gets lazy/uncomfortable and uses his symptoms whenever it's convincing to escape an unpleasant, to him, situation.

- He's hypochondriac.

1. Yes, I think he does like the attention. Whether I'm worried about him, or making fun of him over it, it's still attention in his eyes, and I can tell he likes it.
2. He doesn't really do that.....if he did cancel things I'd be more inclined to believe his ailment was serious. But he never does, he always comes to work, always goes to basketball, always comes to hang out with me. But he moans and groans all the while.
3. I've accused him of mild hypochondria. The thing is, the times he's said he was sick, he was actually sick. He's been sick frequently since we started dating. And though they were legitimate sickness (head colds mainly), he reacted to them much more dramatically than I'm used to. To me, a stopped up nose shouldn't consume an entire night, especially when you haven't seen each other all week.

Turns out, he played the entire game of bball last night. When I said "wow, that's great, but I don't want to hear another complaint about your back all evening!" he then explained how it doesn't seem to bother him when he's standing up, only when he tries to sit down or is sitting, etc. I believe that. Because I've had back problems and know how weird they can be. BUT, I also know that if he had been in the kind of discomfort ALL day long that I was when I had back trouble, he would NOT have been playing basketball. Matter of fact, he wouldn't have even gone to the game. So, it DOES lessen the degree of which I believe he is in pain.

It will be interesting to see how the weekend plays out. When he has something wrong, he WANTS to talk about it, wants to show you how when he does this this and this it hurts really bad, he wants you to see it so he's continuously talking about it, or groaning, or saying "see, when I do this it doesn't hurt, but when I do this.......OHHHHHHHHH OWEEEEEEEE AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH *explitives*" LOL.

I DO think without any doubt his mother overly babied him when it came to illness and injury. He's going to be highly disappointed if he's waiting for that from me....that's just not my style. Like I said, I'm a solver, "how can I fix it?", not a "OMG, my poor poor boy, oh gosh you stumped your toe!?!? Oh my what if it's broken? Let me get you some ice and a popsicle and put in your favorite movie." haha.

[pretzel]

BD, not to sound rude, but it this has been an issue from pretty much the beginning of the relationship, hasn't it?

Truthfully, he needs a wake up call that if he's not willing to "fix it" himself, don't expect you to fix it for him. I think that's what you want to do but as everyone else has said, he enjoys the attention he gets from not doing anything.

Just a thought.

[Ashlee T.]

BD, not to sound rude, but it this has been an issue from pretty much the beginning of the relationship, hasn't it?

Truthfully, he needs a wake up call that if he's not willing to "fix it" himself, don't expect you to fix it for him. I think that's what you want to do but as everyone else has said, he enjoys the attention he gets from not doing anything.

Just a thought.

It's something I noticed in the beginning. It just seemed like he was sick alot, which I know he can't help, but he just made a bigger deal of it than I'm used to. Then the knee, then the back...both valid issues but sometimes it just seems its one thing right after the other. It's more an annoyance than anything. I think there are alot of people like him in this regard...I'm just not one of them so for me it's harder to deal with.

[pretzel]

It's something I noticed in the beginning. It just seemed like he was sick alot, which I know he can't help, but he just made a bigger deal of it than I'm used to. Then the knee, then the back...both valid issues but sometimes it just seems its one thing right after the other. It's more an annoyance than anything. I think there are alot of people like him in this regard...I'm just not one of them so for me it's harder to deal with.

I agree and that's where it's either something that has to be either accepted and dropped (i.e. he'll always be a baby, but all in all, a really great guy) or he'll have to stop the whining and start doing things about it (i.e. momma don't live here anymore).

Now might be a good time to decide just how big a nit you're picking.

(personal note, I think it's just one of those little irritating things that everyone does. It just happens to be the opposite of who you are)

[Ashlee T.]

(personal note, I think it's just one of those little irritating things that everyone does. It just happens to be the opposite of who you are)

I agree. I think he does it more than average. I've never dated someone who does it like he does. I think we all can be babies when we're really sick or hurt. But isn't there like a maximum amt of times you get to be a baby per month or something?!!?