[Guest]

A few days ago it was some really good kisses too.
You are seeing progress. Compared to say, a month ago?
You've said she isn't very open with her feelings, think of what you are accomplishing! It is possible that you could not only see your sex life return but if you create a good foundation, you may have a more open and loving woman? Is that possiblity worth taking it slow and being patient?

It is, and for her this may very well be improvements by leaps and bounds. I see your point now. Why am I so dense? WC and oxy, you 2 need to live closer to me to whack me over the head sometimes! Ok, I understand, this is hard for me as well. Caveman Mark ought to be my username.
I can see how hard this must be for her now too.

[Guest]

We talked last night about everything and she told me that when we first met that she wasn't a sexual person. Obviously I must have missed That particular conversation as I wouldn't be here now, needless to say- Is that why she led me into her bedroom the first night I was here, after I offered and almost insisted to sleep downstairs on the couch? Is that why she kissed me and went down on me that night? Is that why she never complained about sex until our son was born? Did she fake it until our son was born so I would feel obligated to stay? Too many questions and no answers. So... Who's crying now over this? Are all women willing to go to these extremes to get and keep a man? I get so many mixed signals- I don't know which ones to believe anymore. After our talk, I laid on my side away from her and cried silently. We woke up this morning and she acted like the talk never took place and started to hug and kiss me, I just turned away from her and walked off into the living room. They left to go to her sister's home for Easter with her family and I stayed at home due to my IBS. Any excuse to avoid her sister. We never did get along anyway. My son asked if I didn't want hugs from my wife... what do you say to him? Mom and Dad aren't getting along? Great message for him, huh? All of this will have an impact on his future family. There are no really good answers as I can see it. Someone will be miserable no matter what I do or don't do. I'm not only a sexual person, but I'm a passionate person. I put my all into whatever I'm doing. I'm a perfectionist and anal about some things like a high quality welding job, or fixing something that wasn't installed right the first time.
This sucks to be in love with a person who has no sexual feelings for you, but loves you. How do I cope with that when my sex drive is so high and her's is nonexistant? I'm asking a lot of questions that I know the answer to, but hate to know the answer to. Maybe I need a good psychologist, but they only ask you how it makes you feel and charge you out the tail for that one stupid question, How does it make me feel....... Like Crud Doc! No I don't need that kind of help, I need her to understand me. Not much give back on this and I'm only into it a week. No, I'm not pushing things and she brought up the sex subject. I only responded to her questions and comments. I'm not even in the mood to discuss sex or making love or anything else sexual with her. The lines of communication are shut down and the affection can stop as far as I'm concerned. I'm hurt, rejected, pushed away and no matter what I say or do makes any difference to her, she's not a sexual person. I'm wondering if she can feel my pain at all, I wonder if she even really cares that I'm in this much pain. I'm wondering if any female would even want the kind of man I am, I just don't know. I think a lot about this; when I'm old and my last breath comes and goes, will she know how much I truly loved her? I really doubt it. How's that for ripping a persons heart out and throwing it in the ditch?

Where to go from here, well, I'll stick it out until the miserable becomes too much to bear and I'll move on I guess.

[ItsASecret]

Did she really describe what makes her non sexual? There are different reasons a person is not very sexual. I for example am not a sexual person in the sense that I do not sit there drooling at the thought of anything because I am yet to find something that does cause that trigger. I am also an extremely submissive person and do not like to take control so in the sexual sense I am not going to be demanding or loud or slamming him into the wall when he gets home...just not that type of sexual person. However once having sex I do enjoy it. A woman can be completely asexual and respond to nothing and not want to take control, or not have sex in the first place, that is a total non sexual person. A woman can also enjoy sex but not be the vixen type screaming, bouncing furiously, slamming her man against the wall, demanding certain acts type sexual person. All women will put out different sexual vibes on how they like things or do not like things.

[Guest]

I truly believe she just doesn't like sex at all and has faked it from day 1, although when we first made love, she acted like she had 2 orgasms and pretended to like it- Or Whatever she did at the time.(All in the voice of Ron White the comedian).

[Guest]

When our son was conceived, she threw both of her legs into the air, said it's opening up for you and begged me to put it as deep as I could. I felt the end of my penis go inside her cervix, if that's even possible. It felt like a very tight mouth around the head of my penis. God, did that ever feel good. I think that's the last time I was ever really at the height of total sexual arousal. That was 12 1/2 years ago, how's that for a sex life?

[ItsASecret]

Maybe have a sit down with her about that one night. In a casual sense just to place that you are genuinely interested in why she feels that way (for the sake of conversation). No getting upset or being mad that she is not sexual but acknowledging to her that okay you are not sexual is there anything I could do anyway. Like before she mentioned that it was because she was not getting the slow attention for all those years and you had your ah ha moment. I don't know, maybe ask if she would like those sorts of slow attention without it needing to be about sex. I would not push her away if she is giving a random kiss or hug here and there. Just say thank you. Sometimes that is all that is needed for more to come later on.

[WildChild]

It sounds like her sexuality ebbs and flows. That's not unusual. As long as she sees herself as "nonsexual" that is how she will act. Our self perception becomes our reality.
You are ebbing and flowing too. A few good kisses and you are walking on clouds. One conversation and you are down in the pit.
Hold on to the good stuff and let go of the other. She wanted you, wanted you enough to overcome your resistance in the beginning. Hold on to that and the kisses and the positive changes. You are working to change both your self perceptions. Hanging out in the emotional basement, unless you are cleaning it out, isn't helpful. Neither is sulking. Sometimes you will have to pull yourself by the seat of your pants so hard that you will give yourself a wedgie. It won't hurt you.

Look into the Yeast Connection, when I read it after my sister sent it to me years ago, it was like getting hit. I sat down and cried, it was like reading my life, with the hyper sensitivities, brain cloud, the combined inability to concentrate with inability to sit still combined with fatigue and lethargy, food sensitivities, vaginal yeast. That kind of imbalance is a mess and we don't always remember than men get it too and that it primarily is an imbalance in the gut. The vaginal thing is a female tip of the ice berg. This is one of those things that it won't hurt you to make the dietary/lifestyle changes and it just may completely change your health picture. Do look into it.

[Guest]

I'm probably getting impatient too quickly. But when things have been this way for so many years and she reinterates to me that she is not a sexual person, but has acted otherwise in the past, my frustration level gets to the point that I can't handle her wanting a hug, kiss or anything else. I'm just so frustrated at that point I need a time out to just cool off. So many mixed signals and I'm trying so hard to understand and at the same time I have sexual needs that aren't getting met. I truly feel like going out and finding a lady of the evening and let her fake for the sake of getting rid of this erection for awhile. Although, as long as it's been, it would stay up for 3-4 hours during the act. Then I'd hear the frustration words, "Aren't you done yet?" "NO I'M NOT, I Just Now Got Going Good!!!" I truly think I need a night of a nymphomaniac to get this monkey off my back. Pun Intended!

[Guest]

What I would give for a 24 hour period of total and complete immersion in love making and closeness with a woman who really enjoyed being the center of my universe and the center of my total and complete attention. I'd give anything to find a love so pure and true. No, you Ladies aren't the only ones who need this kind of gentle love. A few of us guys would give our full and total attention to a female who really wanted it.
Where were all you Ladies when I was looking for the same thing you were looking for? We could have made each others dreams, wants, needs and desires a reality.

[rcoreyus]

I'm missed a lot of this long thread so I may be very off base here, if so apologies.

It looks a lot like she pretended interest in sex early in the relationship to "trap" you and to have a child. Once she had what she wanted, she no longer felt it was necessary to provide you with sex. Sadly I don't think this is all that uncommon (I'm not singling out women, men also often behave very differently to get a spouse, differently when they are married).

Whatever her original motivations, is there ANY evidence that she enjoys sex now? If not, I don't see a lot of chance that she will change.

Maybe I'm just venting my frustrations with a 25 year nearly sexless marriage.