[Jimbeau]

Here's one way for a guy to make himself attractive to a woman, do at least half of the domestic chores. Hope you're not one of those "traditional husbands" who expects women to do everything inside the four walls and think they're "helping out" by mowing the lawn, changing the oil, and taking out the trash. I've found that cooking dinner, doing the dishes and the laundry, and cleaning the bathrooms makes womens clothes fall off.

[WildChild]

I'm sure a lot of this up and down rollercoaster is a result of frustration from unemployment as well as sexual, pain and discomfort from health problems. Men in our society draw much of their self esteem from their ability to support a family and when that is taken away from a man who is a hard worker, it is very difficult to cope with.

Relationship troubles can drive anyone batty at least for awhile. I've certainly been there. Meditation can help, writing, can help a great deal too. I think it is healthy that Mark can vent here and help himself clarify his thoughts and feelings. Another disservice our society has done men is that it isn't very safe or accepted for them to express their emotions (other than anger). Women can have a good cry, rant to a girlfriend and get over it, guys are somehow supposed to bottle it up and just man it out. That isn't very healthy really.

I think its understandable that someone in this situation would have a lot of ups and downs. It isn't helped by his wife's ups and downs. I think he has made a lot of progress.

[Ashlee T.]

WC I can't disagree with your perception of the role many men are forced into by society even though I have played more of that role than any man I have dated. But I am honestly not referring to normal ups and downs, I'm referring to extremes. What must it be like on the other side of that coin where one minute you're with someone who is up and positive and brimming over with love for you, and a few hours later he's spitting nails because you didn't want your back rubbed while you were sleeping? Two sides to the coin here, and we only get to hear one of them.

Much like many of us here, I've been in the position where I was deprived the attention and affection I desired. But I have also been in the position where my every move has been nitpicked and I was on constant eggshells because my bf was SO sensitive. Neither place is a good one to be.

I am a big advocate for healthy expression, let it out there and let people try to help you along with helping yourself. But I think at some point if you see yourself jumping from one extreme to the other regularly with very little to provoke it, you may need to start focusing some on your own issues, rather than just the other persons. I think you're cheating yourself of healing otherwise.

[waya]

I've found that cooking dinner, doing the dishes and the laundry, and cleaning the bathrooms makes womens clothes fall off.

Yeah, baby!

And I was actually wondering the same thing as Beautiful Disaster

[rcoreyus]

This whole thread is just too familiar, to depressing. From everything I'm seeing here, she is using you. I know that you love her, but why do you think she loves you?

[Jimbeau]

This whole thread is just too familiar, to depressing. From everything I'm seeing here, she is using you. I know that you love her, but why do you think she loves you?

How do you know she's just not sick of him not doing his 50%?

[oxy-moron]

Mark
Beautiful Disaster is right - you are up and down like a yoyo.
You need to stay up- A positive confident person is more attractive than a sulker.
Perhaps next time she has her pants off but is a bit dry just ask her if it is allright to just cuddle for a while- or maybe a little bit of massage. You have time.
When you do get to have sex- dont try to get her to come- just focus on the connection. If she doesnt come she will be keener on a second round.
( I know this sounds wrong and against your instincts).
But this idea was worked out by one of the top women of her time- a women who was friends with Tolstoy and did a fantastic amount of good for the population.

Good luck - keep on an even keel.

[Guest]

Well sungoddesschelsy, I was the only man to ever ask her to marry me.
Today was a middle of the road day, even though she came home at noon after her training and she left all pizzed off. Whatever... SNAFU- whatever- I cook, clean and do laundry. I've done All the cooking around here even when I did work and some of the household chores. I'm taking a new stance on it all- if it works, Great. If it doesn't, phuck it! I'll go find some new puddy cat. What else can 1 man do.
If housework makes women's clothes fall off, I dare you to get laid around here after you spend 5 years doing most of it- not expecting to get laid either. I'd bet any other woman would be on my face if I did half the things I do here and with my attitude toward her, she would gladly have her face planted in my lap as well.
I feel like I was tricked into a marriage, then the child locked me in, in her eyes. Well, I'll just have a child and I'll have his rear end stuck in my sexless marriage. No wonder so many men run from women wanting to get married. Never Again will I EVER be worked this way.

[rcoreyus]

I don't of course, and we are only seeing one side of this. Given what I am seeing though, I don't see any evidence that she loves him, it looks like he is just being used.

Since most people enjoy sex with the person they love, its tempting to think that when someone's spouse won't have sex with them, it is because of something they are doing wrong. Unfortunately I know from experience that this isn't always the case. Some people just don't want sex. Others use it as a tool to get what they want.

How do you know she's just not sick of him not doing his 50%?

[jns]

Again, I'll repeat what I wrote on your other thread. Extreme highs and extreme lows and no healthy in between. You're either brimming over with love or you're boiling over and spitting nails.

Good point. Mark's description of his wife may contain projection.