[CHANDLERS WISH]

If he has stated "he can't change" a word I don't believe in..."can't" it's "won't"..then he is asking that you accept him cheater and all.. If you look at the times that he cheated and how many, you are right, you will walk on egg shells constantly wondering. If he cringes when you pick up his phone and he is careful to delete history, well, more than likely he is still not being honerable to you.

You are young.

Move back for now, get to know you, like I said, the gym is only one thing you can do, get to know people, make friends, stay put this time, in this area and start to work out what you want to do part time as well. He may cry and say he'll change, let him prove it.

If he goes to councelling, if he wants to change.

Then you will know for sure.

Sorry about your friend's child that's horrific and that is where I get my goat up, but everything we do in life we have to research hopefully, there are good places out there.

Does your Mother work?

Hun, I believe in keeping marriages together. But it takes two.

I don't believe in living in a loveless marriage that can not be solved because the other person refuses to admit any fault or work towards making it a marriage. What can you do in that instance ? If your hands are tied?

Learn to love yourself and find out who you really are and shine..................

[Bladyn'smommy16]

Yes my mother is a HR director for a company and works 5-6 days a week ( another thing is he is always talking about my mother which makes me really mad because my mother helps us with money or food and his parents do nothing)
I constantly wonder what if he is cheating because I never hide my cell phone or my computer from him. I never see any one his stuff. I don't want to snoop but I would like to be given the option...
The love yourself part... Your right.. I have no self esteem probably because I can't live up to all those beautiful porn stars he looks at everyday... But porn doesn't really bother me its just he does that way more then be with me..
I guess he won't change I know he could if he tried.. I understand he has to work but he could take a few hours or even minutes out of the day to be with me..
I do want to join a gym.. Excerising is actually a rush that takes away my depression usually.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

What does he do for a living?

There could be a chance that he really is just doing that, living...........

I don't mind porn, if it's in a situation whereby there is no one in your life, I mean fair enough. But, I feel the moment you bring it in whilst married or committed on your own, that is what you perceive women to be.

Perhaps that is why he is cold? He sees your Mother as high up, him as low down, before you as he was 26, you 18, he never entered into a beautiful loving relationship probably always watched porn...

Sounds like my ex, husband. Can not see women as beautiful creatures on the inside but can on the outside but if not a lady, then all women are *****s.

I think this is deeper sweet, like from his childhood and through his teens and then to 20's....

If a guy has never treated a woman as "his life, her his", how does he start at 30?

I think you have a man with alot of baggage.

Join that gym.

Take a bath with candles and a glass of wine.

Laugh with your son/daughter so that the bubs sees mum happy watch, because babies make you lol, when you show that.

Google jobs you would love and see what's involved.

Take a course, free on to start with something of interest.

Time is on your side and time is what you need to re-discover yourself and see who you are and what you want.

[Bladyn'smommy16]

He has his own business. He works at home.
He's obsessed with naked women. He cannot have women friends because he does not treat them like a person he treats them differently. I don't understand why... I feel like women are just objects to him. Being a feminist myself .. That makes me so mad
His relationships before me have not lasted a year...
Yes he has a ton of baggage he's bi polar but so am I..
My son is really the only happiness I have in life..
My signing up for my second course of psychology in march
He's very jealous of my mom because she is a college graduate I guess.. He says she has a "do nothing job" which that's not true my mom works hard! Plus my mom is bossy and he sees that as her being mean he's very sensitive to criticism..

[Guest]

time to fight n getaway , he may not (wont) change

[time2discover]

I think CW pretty much said it all! Time to think about you!

One thing I want to add though, if I were you, I wouldn't rely on
his I'm sorry and I'm gonna change routine. He knows from the past
that it's worked every time and so he'll just go back to his old self after.

We've met up quite a few times before on this forum and from what I see,
you're worth a hell of alot more than that!

Don't give up on yourself!

[Bladyn'smommy16]

Thank you time2discover. This forum has helped me a lot I just hope I am strong enough to be able to not fall for his tricks because I always do! Isolation drives you mad! I guess it's time for me to get up and do what I have to do.. He always makes it so clear if I don't like the way he is then I can leave. I love him but I need to respect myself more. I can't stand being talk to that way. I feel like trash... And every time we argue I just say I'm not going to argue but then he just keeps going then we get into this huge fight!
And tulip he's not going to change

[time2discover]

Then go for it girl!

I'm with you all the way!!!!!!

[Euphoric]

I think you need to take time to figure out if going to your mother's house (for the millionth time) is your way of saying, "I have options," to him, or are you making this move to improve and benefit yourself. It is apparent that he knows what buttons to push, and what things to say, to have you come running back to him because you have many times. I think this pattern has happened so many times, he doesn't see it as a real 'threat' of losing you.

You are young. You have your whole life ahead of you. Is this how you want to spend your time, feeling trapped, disrespected? I would hope not. Children are like sponges, they soak up actions and behaviors that influence their lives. You don't won't to put your child in daycare for fear of what could happen, but what about the environment your child is witnessing now - seeing you depressed and belittled? That can be just as damaging.

Taking classes and putting yourself in a position to be self sustaining is a step in the right direction. You need to form a plan of action and follow it through if you want the quality of your life (and your son) to improve. Your mother is trying to help you, but I'm sure it is difficult for her to watch your life deteriorating. It doesn't matter what kind of front you try to put up, a good mother most always knows when their child is suffering.

Here is the thing: you need to move forward and stop circling back to broken promises. He is not going to change. You stated that your relationship was rocking from the first few weeks of dating, and it hasn't changed for the better in four years (other than temporary appeasements). It won't necessarily be easy, but is sure isn't impossible. Only you can make this change. You have to be willing and dedicated to the process and I'm not sure you can do that until you truly assess your self-worth and set realistic goals. Hence, finding yourself.

I wish you the best of luck. Envision the type of future you want and take steps to attain your dreams.
Euphoric

[Bladyn'smommy16]

Thanks time2discover..

Euphoric.. Your right I'm sure my mother knows and my heart always has won over my brain.. I can't think like that anymore. Yeah I am going to be sad very sad.. Since we have been through so much together.. I just feel like he goes through the motions of loving me but no actual emotions anymore if that makes any sense..
I guess he doesn't see me leaving as a threat because I always come back so he takes my love for him for granted.
He always says I can be replaced so that hurts me too.. I would never say that to him..
I want get physically fit (because it makes me feel good)and work towards a goal in life
Yes my son does not like it when we scream he gets upset...