[Romy]

If your husband or wife could no longer have sex and after exhausting all avenues in finding ways to show them it's still possible but there are not interested and you're only 41 years old (and so far gone five years with no sex and remained faithful) but have young children would you stay and let that part of your life go, would you leave or would you have an affair. Now I know it's easier to answer this and judge when it's not you living in the situation. For some sex is a big deal - should that person's needs be ignored?

[rcoreyus]

I was in almost that situation for 25 years. Not completely sexless, but sex with my wife only every couple of months. It got better and thigns are fine now (I don't know why it got better), but it was miserable for 1/3 of my life.

I think someone in that situation should leave, unless their partner is willing to open the marriage. I do not think it is fair to force anyone into a life of celibacy - it is not what is expected when you take your marriage vows. Even if it is due to illness etc, I think it is only reasonable to allow your partner to sleep with other people if you cannot sleep with them.
As far as children - they will see the resentment that this generates in a marriage. Its not good for them.

[DreamP346]

I am in such a relationship. Not 100% sexless, but sex every few months and usually pretty terrible. Sex is VERY important to me. I always started my relationships with sex.

When I decided to have kids I knew that it meant I was committing to this relationship forever. Unless he started doing drugs or hitting me, I knew that I would never leave the marriage because that was the commitment I was making to my kids. And it's not just about not leaving the marriage, it's also committing to make it work despite what may happen. I am very unhappy with our sexual relationship, but I try to make due with other aspects of our relationship. As a parent, you are always sacrificing your happiness for your children and this is definitely one of them. I can't place my sexual happiness above providing my kids a stable home.

I don't judge others who choose to leave or even cheat. I completely understand. However, this is the commitment I have made.

If I did not have children, I would have left a long time ago, even though I do still love my husband.

[jns]

What were your marriage vows? Surely something there is not being followed.

[Stillness]

I don't believe that a person's reasonable needs or desires should be ignored. No I would not leave.

[rcoreyus]

Stillness, what would you do? I agree with not wanting to violate marriage vows. OTOH, is it fair for someone to have to spend their life celibate?

One option is to just stay married and cheat. Until you get caught, no harm done - after all the partner isn't going to catch and STDs.

No good ideas on this one. I didn't leave, but I advise others that they should

[atskitty2]

I guess I'm left wondering what the reasons are and if there's a solution that hasn't been explored, before we talk about leaving or cheating or staying in a miserable marriage.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

exhausting all avenues in finding ways to show them it's still possible but there are not interested

This person needs to seek counselling if there "are avenues" but they refuse to try any of them for their significant other.

There could be a fear involved on non performance, non-belief that they actually can participate and if they are not willing to "hear" the pain of their other half and attempting to do something about it, yes. I would leave.

It's not about sex. Sex we can do ourselves, to a degree. It's about bonding, intimacy and therefore love.

You are in a loveless relationship in my opinion.

[jen1447]

When I decided to have kids I knew that it meant I was committing to this relationship forever. Unless he started doing drugs or hitting me, I knew that I would never leave the marriage because that was the commitment I was making to my kids. And it's not just about not leaving the marriage, it's also committing to make it work despite what may happen. I am very unhappy with our sexual relationship, but I try to make due with other aspects of our relationship. As a parent, you are always sacrificing your happiness for your children and this is definitely one of them. I can't place my sexual happiness above providing my kids a stable home.

That's very admirable sp. Does the commitment last forever tho, or only until the kids are grown?

Lots of good input has been offered on the OP question already, but it's a really tough one for me. I can't imagine a life without sexual satisfaction like that.

[DreamP346]

That's very admirable sp. Does the commitment last forever tho, or only until the kids are grown?

Lots of good input has been offered on the OP question already, but it's a really tough one for me. I can't imagine a life without sexual satisfaction like that.

Definitely until the kids grow up, but I don't think I could walk away from a relationship after being together so long, especially if we still loved each other. And if I spend 20 year trying to make it work, I don't think I would stop trying just because the kids are grown.

There was a time in my life when I couldn't image life without sexual satisfaction. Sexual compatibility was probably on my top 3 list of requirements in a partner. I just was naive to think that any man would just not be interested in sex with me. That never crossed my mind as a possibility in a relationship. I thought all men were sex crazed and the sexual compatibility was just about the type of sex, not the quantify. The problem is that the first few years of our relationship, the sex was really good. It was actually the best I ever had. I never thought it would ever get like this. But the thing about a marriage and family is that you have to constantly work at making it work.