[effy2014]

I'm sure the reason that most of your responses have been from the men on this forum is because the women are still listening very very intently ......

[effy2014]

I have moved in with my parents, he was giving me money to help out with our daughter, but hasn't done that in 2 months. It's tough, but I'm making it. He makes 4x my salary and he's blowing every penny on this new woman trying to impress her, feeding her kids, cooking steak dinners etc. the divorce isn't final, I agreed to do in uncontested to save me some heartache. He will be responsible for $800 a month child support at that time.

Please make sure that you consult with an attorney. Given the disparity in your incomes, you may be entitled to spousal support, at least for a little while. The heartache is worth it if, a year down the line, you need extra money. Get all that you are entitled under the law.

[Pneeleysmom]

I see that, in my unbridled haste to attempt to solve all your problems, I forgot my manners. I believe your initial post to which I responded was your first here on WH. Welcome to the forum!

Thanks for the welcome Baboy!

[Baboy]

effy, if I could give 10 likes to that comment about the women listening, I would do it!

[Pneeleysmom]

I'm sure the reason that most of your responses have been from the men on this forum is because the women are still listening very very intently ......

HAHA!!

Men, women, I don't care. I need opinions and advice from all walks of life as to why S****T like this happens, and WHY I feel like such a loosertard when he shows up to drop my daughter off with his mistress and her two kids in the car! Why I couldn't have saved my marriage, and why our family has been replaced with a whole new family. Kids and all! He couldn't even handle the basic needs of our 5 year old, much less a 12 year old female and 8 year old male, along with the back and forth of the REAL dad in their life, whom might I add called him and told him that he was going to locate me and make sure I took him for everything he was worth when he found out about all this mess.

[Baboy]

Pneeleysmom, I second the comment about legal advice. Please do not commit to anything, and certainly do not sign anything, without independent legal advice. Child support is the right of the child, not the parent. In many jurisdictions a parent cannot bargain it away. But sometimes, in order not to "rock the boat" and to take the path of least resistance, people make all kinds of bad bargains they believe are binding.

And, as effy suggested, you might have an entitlement to a period of spousal support. I am not saying "go for blood", but do insist on receiving that to which you and your child are fairly entitled.

[Pneeleysmom]

Pneeleysmom, I second the comment about legal advice. Please do not commit to anything, and certainly do not sign anything, without independent legal advice. Child support is the right of the child, not the parent. In many jurisdictions a parent cannot bargain it away. But sometimes, in order not to "rock the boat" and to take the path of least resistance, people make all kinds of bad bargains they believe are binding.

And, as effy suggested, you might have an entitlement to a period of spousal support. I am not saying "go for blood", but do insist on receiving that to which you and your child are fairly entitled.

I have an attorney representing me. She has stated that unless we go to court, we won't know if I would be entitled to spousal support due to the fact that he filed 2 weeks before our 10 year anniversary. The court is pretty set on that 10 year mark and we'd have to go there to find out, and even if I was entitled, it wouldn't be much, and it wouldn't be for a long period of time. Sometimes I just think the heartache isn't worth it. My car was in jeopardy a few weeks ago because I couldn't make a full payment. I contacted him, he didn't give two craps, even though it's in both of our names. So, my parents requested that I let them pay it off. Now he's responsible for repaying them the full amount to pay it off as part of the divorce settlement. Even when I found out about the affair I never wanted to "go for blood" I am just not that type of woman. I just want to move on with my life, comfortably without him hating me forever for leaving him with nothing. He will pay to restore me back to a reasonable place including furniture etc. because he doesn't want to let go of anything. It's just a mess. He chose to be unfaithful and to walk away from the marriage, but doesn't want any repercussions for his actions. At first he said he would take care of me and our daughter until we got on our feet, but that faded fast after he got really hot and heavy with Miss Priss. They are together every, waking, minute of every day. UGH!

[Baboy]

That's great that you have legal advice. I hope you enjoy good rapport with your attorney and feel able to repose confidence in that person. I'll not try to second guess their advice.

[atskitty2]

I'm a woman, who's been listening intently, and I will comment more later. For now, please seek your own legal counsel. Don't sign another document in the process until you have a trained professional review what you've agreed to thus far.
More later dear...and welcome

[Pneeleysmom]

Baboy,

Since you mention it, I actually spoke with one attorney first, and he told me what I mentioned above. So, I went to another and she was a little more aggressive and told me that we could fight it if I chose to, but she couldn't promise I'd get it. I live in Alabama, which is a No-fault divorce state. According to both attorneys, things are so much different than they used to be and men/women alike are not frowned upon the way they were 20 years ago when it comes to extra-marital affairs. They both told me I would possibly be awarded something, but no promises.