[atskitty2]

Maybe I'm cynical or hard hearted after all this time, but I don't necessarily think that we "fall in love". I believe that loving someone is a choice we make. I guess there's the initial butterflies and all that, but really loving and committed relationships that we call being in love, is something very different.

How do you know when you are in love? Because you decided to be so.

I'm wondering if feelings and all the emotional ties are even important.

[Stillness]

atskitty2 I think there's truth to what you say. There's choice involved, but some of it is out of your control. My wife and I did a lot of making up and breaking up when we were dating. I was torn between not wanting to be with her and some powerful feelings. The last time we broke up it hurt really badly. There was nothing I could do to stop that.

One of the most disgraceful displays of the power of love I've ever seen was when a very close family friend and an elder of my faith didn't attend the wedding of another close friend. I asked his wife where he was and she said, "You know how he is about her." But I didn't know. When I confronted him he told me that he couldn't bear to see her marry. They had gotten too close over the years and it turned into something more than a platonic friendship. Imagine how his wife and her groom must have felt. Imagine how strong his feelings were that he chose shaming their families over dealing with the pain seeing her marry would cause.

[amy40]

but I don't necessarily think that we "fall in love". I believe that loving someone is a choice we make.

I agree kitty

Believe love as defined in the Bible, patient and kind. Husband was patient, kind when we were dating and still is.
I chose to say yes to marrying him when he asked because saw that in him and because I liked him. Liking makes a big difference such as liked we were finishing off each other's sentences when dating, he respected my wishes, and we kept wanting to see each other even to the point of going out 19 days in a row at one stretch.

Love in the Bible, also mentions not keeping track of wrongs, about enduring all things, hope.
Not easy to always love since we're imperfect but then that's why we need to ask for forgiveness.

When our kid was little, going through tantrums as kids often do, it seemed one or the other of us would be stronger at the moment and that would be the person who took over, giving our child the "best" of us at any time.
And that to me is love....patient and kind.

[Popcorn&Candy]

I don't really know when you're in love: you just know. You care for them, you get worried if they seem upset. You want them in your life and to be a friend, too. Love isn't just passion: it's loyalty and friendship. Trust is also key. You would not be without them. That is how you know.

[amy40]

Infatuation is the initial feelings of desire and attraction. It’s more potential than reality. It’s based on more shallow aspects of the person – smile, smell, body, etc. i

felt that with a couple guys I went out with who were super attractive to me, said all the right things.

[Stillness]

Love in the Bible, also mentions not keeping track of wrongs, about enduring all things, hope.

That's different. That's a principled love. Limitations in the English language can make this confusing. We only typically use one word for love, but the love you and your husband feel for one another is different from the love you may feel for strangers you provide aid to when after they suffer from a natural disaster. It’s not just different in intensity, but in kind.

a_dub is talking about erotic love. Typically people make a distinction when they say something like, "I love him, but I'm not in love with him." The Christian Scriptures don’t even mention this latter kind of love – at least not by name (the Greek is “eros”). As Kitty said, it’s inferior to the kind of love you express based on choices. You can live a good life without the erotic component. You can’t do well without loving or being loved by others in general, though.

[amy40]

Typically people make a distinction when they say something like, "I love him, but I'm not in love with him."

never said to husband "I'm in love with you"
we said "I love you"

I don't understand the whole "in love with you wording"

guess I just view love as love, although do know there are different types as you describe Stillness

[Stillness]

It's making a distinction between caring for the person, wishing them well, and wanting to have a platonic relationship versus having an erotic affection for them that makes you want the person in a conjugal way.

[atskitty2]

I think it goes well beyond that even. I think it's too complex to characterize accurately in this way, yet really so simple if I really think about it, in what I mean.

[nasir018]

Every Relationship began with every simple ways