[sassie]

Well thanks for most recent advice. So I finally spoke to her and I guess I am really not sure how I feel about it but she was surprised on how I handled it as she said she thought I was going to flip on her. I told her I am upset with her but also with him so she knows I am saying it was both their fault. I don't really know what she could have said to me besides sorry which she did as well as telling me she wishes she could take it back which well that can't happen. We couldn't talk long as we didn't want people to suspect anything but she said she wanted to know if she could come to my place tomorrow when my husband was at to talk more about the situation. I really didn't know what to say so I said okay I think a part of me wants to hear what she has to say but the other part of me is scared. The only good thing she said besides sorry was that she will not tell anyone as for the sake of my children as she agreed that if they found out what their dad did it could hurt them as well as myself so I guess I am at least happy about that. Well I will update you all once I speak with her. Thanks again everyone who's listening!!

[sassie]

Well since last night nothing has changed as the girl never showed up at my door which in a way I think I kind of expected but I am a little ****ed at the same time as she was the one who said she would come by to speak with me. I guess I will have to wait and see what happens over the next week or so as my feelings are still all over the place but like everyone always says with bad situations take it one day at a time right. So I guess that is what I will have to do.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Hi Sassie,

Well I think she probably said all she could and i am pleased that she is grown up about it regarding your kids and your well being.

She probably realised what more can she say? Other than detail and we don't want detail there is no point.

Also probably a tad frightened, she is young and being in your house, alone, not frightened of you persay but just confrontation.

Close that journey and leave it... It's been done and good for you.

And, yes, just take one day at a time from here....

CW

[SorridLives]

I am coming in late for this topic...but I will add that you really need to get to the bottom of what you two are disagreeing and fighting about and fix it. That is #1. However, I can understand why you would have a real trust issue with him at this point. I don't think I could get past it....but good luck to you if you can get past it and really trust him again. I always think if they do it once, they would do it again, if you stay with them. Not sure that is 100% of the time, but I think it might be a good percentage of the time. It is sort of like he got away with it once, he might try it again...

[sassie]

Well I can understand her not coming by so I guess it's one of those things I will just have to let go now how I don't know but I will try. As for the saying once a cheater always a cheater I am scared of that for sure but I guess I don't want to not give my marriage a try so I can say at least I made the effort and if it doesn't work out then my kids will no I tried not just for me but for them, or at least I hope they can understand once their old enough too.

[Muskitos]

once a cheater always a cheater : NOT true

Well I can understand her not coming by so I guess it's one of those things I will just have to let go now how I don't know but I will try. As for the saying once a cheater always a cheater I am scared of that for sure but I guess I don't want to not give my marriage a try so I can say at least I made the effort and if it doesn't work out then my kids will no I tried not just for me but for them, or at least I hope they can understand once their old enough too.

Hi Sassie,

I had my husband cheating on me and when I found out I was chattered, had no idea how to continue my life, how to ever trust him or any other man ever again.

But I managed to forgive AND not be suspicious.

And I really truly believe he never did it again. We ended up divorcing anyway but for other reasons and during those painful discussions he confirmed he never was unfaitful again.

If you feel your husband understands the pain he made you feel, if he is willing to not put you up with this again, I would suggest you forgive him. Give him the benifit of the doubt.

You have nothing to loose.

[sassie]

Well thanks so much for sharing your situation with me I am glad to hear I am not the only one who has been through this which I know really I'm not but most people never speak of it. I am actually taking your advice already and trying to make things work and I guess I can say you have given me hope. Thanks

[sassie]

Well things are doing okay for now my husband and I are trying our best to have open communication and talk about things. I think that the whole one day at a time thing is important for me and anyone else in my situation to understand as somedays are better then others. Yesterday was a little harder as I bumped into the girl while I was with my kids so it was a little to say the least weird. I got the look as if she felt like a fool and she didn't know even how to acknowledge me since I was with the kids it seemed so I said hello as not to make my kids wonder why I would not say hi to the girl from next door but otherwise I kept on walking but she never said a word which I don't know if it bothered me or not. I am still trying day by day to put it behind me but with talking to my husband I am hoping that I am not making him think that when things get bad to make them better he has to cheat on me. Am I wrong for thinking, how do I make him know that this didn't make things better only communication is making things better??

Any words of wisdom please pass them this way.

[Muskitos]

Hi Sassie,

I am so happy for you, really am.

I would suggest you tell your husband that the fact he cheated on you made you go through and you never ever want to go there again! Make him understand fully, you forgive once but not twice.
Also let him know that the only thing that gets you pasted this experience is the fact that you are both communicating and open about it.
Just tell him.

Good luck to both of you

[Guest]

Sassy,
I am not going to nice about this but this is what I think about the whole thing.
Chandler brought up many good questions in her first reply.
2 things stand out BIG TIME.
Cheated. right there should never, I repeat never happen. I can not stand liers/cheaters. They are the same in my book. There is no reason to cheat on who anyone is with, let it be just dating or married. And being married more so.
Being with someone is a commitment. You commit to each other and no matter how tempting, what situations comes around, whatever circumstances etc etc (the list can go on), does not justify cheating. If that person is so weak, then they should break it off and do their thing.
But if someone cheated on me, and no matter how much love I have for her, married or not, trust had been broken (wich is the 2nd thing), and it also meant I didn't mean anything to them for that to happen.
Now if you can forgive, then I pat you on the back and commend you. But Do not stay together just because you have children, that is not a good reason but it does show you care for your kids.
You have alot to think about, and I wish you come to the answer best for you.