[WildChild]

I think stressed has hit the nail on the head. Putting emotions aside, from a practical economic sense he is going to have to make a heck of a good income to adequately contribute to your mutual household. Depending on where you live, your income could be considered in determining how much support he pays for his first two children. Are you OK with that? Are you prepared to have not one but two bites out of the household budget every month?
Like it or not these two other women will be in your lives to some degree as long as those children are living; Even after they are grown there will be marriages, grandchildren, life events and as a father your husband will have some involvement in those - if he doesn't he isn't much of a man. But then I guess that's all ready clear.

[stressed]

Another question I have is, do you think he'd still be married to you if you were pregnant by another man?

Just because the baby lives somewhere else and just because you don't see it every day doesn't make it "go away", or forgotten. It's a real, actual person who is going to grow up into an adult. Someone who will have an opinion about you and the father's families. Your husband won't stop caring for the child when it turns 18, being a father is more than just money. For the child's sake I do hope it won't be just money to him.

Please think about this. World-class counseling might fix your relationship problems but this is much more than a relationship problem. It's about complicating and hurting many lives because your husband cannot have one family with one woman. Do you really want him to be the father of your children and put them through something like this? This is very serious, so please think hard. It's about much more than you and your husband.

[Messymiss]

I agree with all this too. Get out while you can. Save yourself a life of torture and pain. You have no children to him yet to hold you from fleeing. Yes you think you love him and need him but believe me you will suffer much less by losing him than you will by staying. Run before you get pregnant to him and I am sure not long down the track you will find a man that will love you more than he loves himself. Then you can bring up your own children in a much less complicated exsistance. You owe it to your unborn children as well to have a stable family for them to be brought up in where money is not being payed all over the planet to pay for other children. YOur own children would have to go without certain things to pay for these children from another family and there maybe even more children to other women down the track from a man such as this one. RUN !!!!!.. Good luck

[Joy]

Ya I have to agree - would he stay with you if you were carrying another mans child and it was growing everyday inside of you. I doubt it - Life brings us situations that help us grow and learn. Some are happy and full of joy and others are painful and devestating. I don't know what life lessons will come of this. It was a fresh marriage not 13 years in and one of you strayed. He didn't really give your lives together a chance. There really is no excuse for his behavior. He is selfish

[Robbed]

I have to agree with the "Run" idea. Even though I have been in a similar situation and survived very well, I would not have attempted to stay if I did not already have children to my husband. I would never have put my children through your situation and would have prefered not have have lived a lie like the one I have felt I am living. And I will tell you one thing I know for sure, no matter how much you love your husband, you never trust him again. I know we stood up there and said 'for better, for worse" but we did not say for more pain and suffering than we can stand. Yes I have survived but I would have rathered not been in the situation at all to begin with. I stayed because of an enormous love for my children and I wanted nothing more than for them to grow up with both mum and dad whom they adore. The fact that my husband and I are best friends made it easier too. You dont have kids yet so you are lucky and have the choice. Hope you work it out and do what is best for you and any kids you hve in the future. ...Robbed

[English Lady]

Hi, I'm really sad to hear about YET ANOTHER lady in a similar situation I have recently gone through myself, my thread is... https://www.womens-health.com/boards/...lovechild.html if you wanted to read it. My situation is just under four months old now so reading your story mirrors what feelings I had back then. It is the worst pain I have ever felt but only a couple of months later I can honestly say I feel COMPLETELY different. I'm happy and soooo grateful I didn't have children with a deceitful, manipulative, lying and pathetic loser!! x x

[star108]

hi, maybe it will help you to speak with the women he made child with. then you will be more aware about reality of your husband. i was on other side .the other women..please dotn think it is easy to be. he made me pregnat and at the moment his wife found that out he didnt want to hear anything about the baby. such man no women need..sorry...he devastated life of you, the other women and coming child...this is the real thruth..and for what.for his own joy..

[Lauren11]

I am sorry to hear something like this.Depends what your sitution is and what you want from your life....you can go ahead with your life and kick him in his butt or you can stay with him and cheat on him,so you are equal...but this is not going to be a normal relationship.You have to chose what is best for you and it is in your advantage.

[jeumaan]

it's not you, it's him. I'm sorry but if he continued to lie to you in your face he doesnt care about you. There is plenty of other men out there that will treat you better. Don't settle for a penny when you are worth a million! You're not alone. Many people go through this everyday. You have to take care of yourself first. Make yourself happy. =)

[Broken177]

I just wanted to give an update to all the people who took the time to give me advice and help me through this difficult situation. So, I guess the other woman isn't pregnant, but I don't really know what to believe. Why would he tell me she is pregnant, when he doesn't know for sure. He said he told me she was pregnant because he didn't know for sure and wanted to prepare for the worst, but it just doesn't make any sense to me at all. For the past few months we have been living together, but I have told him that I want him to move out. He lost his job and is currently looking for a new one. I do not want to be with him. I know that separating and not being together is going to be difficult, but I know staying together is going to be even harder. I know that I will never trust him again and already see myself second guessing everything he says. I have reached the point where I just don't really care anymore if he is doing something more behind my back. I don't think that he is, but really, I never thought he would cheat on me, so whatever. I will never be able to get over what he did to me and understand how he could be so cruel. He keeps saying to me "I'm trying" and I keep telling him no matter what he does, isn't going to influence my decision if I want to stay with him or not. I told him all that matters is if I can really get over what he did and I can't. I haven't told him that I don't think it can work out yet, partly because he kept threatening suicide for the weeks after I found out. I know that he is just trying to control me, but having his suicide on my shoulders is more than I could bear. I want him to get a job first before I break the news. I know I shouldn't consider his feelings because he for sure didn't consider mine, but I am not as heartless as he is when it comes to others. I know it is going to suck being single again, living alone, etc. but I rather be miserable for a few months or years, rather than for the rest of my life. I know if we stayed together, I might have happy moments, but I would never be truely happy with my life and know that I deserve better. Thanks so much again everyone and I'll post updates as changes happen. I'm praying for him to find a job ASAP.