[rcoreyus]

I still don't understand. If you think he may be cheating again why wait until you catch him to leave? Isn't the big problem with cheating the loss of trust? If you feel you need to spy, then the trust is gone, does it really matter whether he really is cheating? If you are staying in the relationship just for practical reasons (children, money etc), then let him cheat - what harm is done. If you are staying because you love and trust him, then there is not need to spy.

I agree its wrong if your "spying" just to find something that's not there, but if a husband CHEATS & has violated her yet begs to stay together & willing to do whatever to make it work & earn her trust back, the n I don't think its "spying" when she's checking the places he got caught cheating in the 1st place.

[madrina]

yes, especially if when you look, you find out things you deserved to know that he did not intend on telling you.

[BambooEarrings]

I still don't understand. If you think he may be cheating again why wait until you catch him to leave? Isn't the big problem with cheating the loss of trust? If you feel you need to spy, then the trust is gone, does it really matter whether he really is cheating? If you are staying in the relationship just for practical reasons (children, money etc), then let him cheat - what harm is done. If you are staying because you love and trust him, then there is not need to spy.

Wow.

Really? You think someone cheating on you is just as bad as someone worrying about being cheated on?

Women can be suspicious for different reasons, but I would hardly say that means there is no trust and they may as well just trash the whole relationship. I've been suspicious of my husband BECAUSE I have been cheated on in the past (not by him, but by other men), and I have done things like checking his phone or his computer and guess what? Every time I do that, I trust him MORE and worry less about being cheated on again.

Love and trust are NOT the same thing, and you can love someone without fully trusting them. (ask any mother of a teenager!!)

I don't think it's wrong to look at personal things of your spouse or fiance because there aren't supposed to be any secrets anyway. Besides that, in the sad event that someone did discover they were being cheated on, it's best to find out ASAP for their own safety bc of STDs.

[Stillness]

I don't think it's wrong to look at personal things of your spouse or fiance because there aren't supposed to be any secrets anyway.

Did you look through his phone and his computer in secret or with his permission?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Wow.

Really? You think someone cheating on you is just as bad as someone worrying about being cheated on?

I didn't read Corey's post that way at all. He is saying without trust you spy, if you spy, you don't trust..

Love and trust are NOT the same thing, and you can love someone without fully trusting them. (ask any mother of a teenager!!)

No they are not. A lot of people fall in love and "hope".. But were there red flags? Is the love real? Did they settle? Do they have issues of the past that they can't shake so bring it into the present?

I'm sorry.. But the word love is un-conditional. In the real world of love, you trust. In the hope world, you want to love and be loved but don't trust.

It is wrong in my opinion to monitor someone based on past problems. Lessons are there to be learnt in life is someone hurts you, you make sure that you are more careful of what you want the next time around and what you won't accept. In addition, you are your own person. If someone cheats? And you find out, then you walk if you can not fathom cheating. In that, the knowledge they were not good enough. If you go around and wonder and check and peek on-going, eventually they find out, don't like the insecurity and leave if they were never going to cheat on you.

Walk tall. I am not sure what "mother of a teenager" has to do with the conversation, but it worries me, that something horrible happened in your life .. Feel like sharing?

There are some wonderful men in this World that would never contemplate cheating... Then there are guys that don't care. Pretty same for women.

Don't let your past get in the way of your present...

[rcoreyus]

To me, (and others don't need to agree), trust is one of the most important things in a relationship and the worst part about cheating is that it betrays a trust, and looses that trust. If someone feels that they need to spy on their partner, then that trust is already gone. For me, I could not love (in a romantic sense) someone that I couldn't trust. I could "love" a child, or relative who I didn't trust, but that to me is a whole different kind of love.

Then there is the practical problem with snooping. You can never know that you aren't missing something: maybe they are just good at covering their tracks. You may find something suspicious looking, that might really be innocent. Were calls to a female coworker really work related? I often get lunch with a bunch of friends at work. If on a particular day only one female coworker shows up is that suspicious? Does that change if she is young and attractive? Should I not invite young attractive women to our group lunches?

I think that even in the best relationships there are things that are private. Things told by friends in confidence. Some wishes, hopes, dreams fantasies that really are personal. Some work related information.

Wow.

Really? You think someone cheating on you is just as bad as someone worrying about being cheated on?

Women can be suspicious for different reasons, but I would hardly say that means there is no trust and they may as well just trash the whole relationship. I've been suspicious of my husband BECAUSE I have been cheated on in the past (not by him, but by other men), and I have done things like checking his phone or his computer and guess what? Every time I do that, I trust him MORE and worry less about being cheated on again.

Love and trust are NOT the same thing, and you can love someone without fully trusting them. (ask any mother of a teenager!!)

I don't think it's wrong to look at personal things of your spouse or fiance because there aren't supposed to be any secrets anyway. Besides that, in the sad event that someone did discover they were being cheated on, it's best to find out ASAP for their own safety bc of STDs.

[wifetorn&confused]

Were calls to a female coworker really work related? I often get lunch with a bunch of friends at work. If on a particular day only one female coworker shows up is that suspicious? Does that change if she is young and attractive? Should I not invite young attractive women to our group lunches?

I think that even in the best relationships there are things that are private. Things told by friends in confidence. Some wishes, hopes, dreams fantasies that really are personal. Some work related information.[/QUOTE]

I kind of agree with some of your statements here as far as some things CAN get misconstrued if viewed by a partner/spouse lacking all required information about something they may find without all required facts., However in your questions, I feel its more about respect and what is or is not appropriate.If there's calls with you & female coworker, is it really work rlated? Well, I would 1st think more importantly, were the calls made during odd hours like 2 or 3am for example? Were there a200 calls made? My point is, if your not sneaking to call her or odd calls to her or her to you at questionable hours or days then you should not have "work related" concerns. It comes down to each woman being different but cheating is the same. It's a betrayal in the bond of trust so love isn't unconditional unless its a family member (child, parent, etc...) Meaning, if my mother robbed a bank,for example I would NEVER stop loving my Mother. But if my husband or boyfriend robbed a bank, NO WAY am I sticking around with them. See, cheating/any type of intimacy with another woman is hard to come back from but if she loves you enough, a woman would still "attempt" to try. Not sure why but you do crazy things when you really love & invest in a man. (A good woman anyways lol). This is all just my opinion

[wifetorn&confused]

You hit the nail on the head! thats is the point I tried getting at, Thank you.!

You hit the nail on the head! thats is the point I tried getting at, Thank you.!u is just as bad as someone worrying about being cheated on?

Women can be suspicious for different reasons, but I would hardly say that means there is no trust and they may as well just trash the whole relationship. I've been suspicious of my husband BECAUSE I have been cheated on in the past (not by him, but by other men), and I have done things like checking his phone or his computer and guess what? Every time I do that, I trust him MORE and worry less about being cheated on again.

Love and trust are NOT the same thing, and you can love someone without fully trusting them. (ask any mother of a teenager!!)

I don't think it's wrong to look at personal things of your spouse or fiance because there aren't supposed to be any secrets anyway. Besides that, in the sad event that someone did discover they were being cheated on, it's best to find out ASAP for their own safety bc of STDs.[/QUOTE]

[Camila valdez]

It depends

I am a believer in privacy. He should not have access to your phone and you should not have access to his. What if you find something? Sometimes ignorance is bliss and not to know is better than knowing. I think my husband is cheating, but I am too, so I really have no business snooping through his things, but if I ever did, I might see something I'm not prepared for.

I think that not having some sort of privacy is wrong. If he doesn't trust you, why? Either you or he has done something that makes him suspicious! If he is cheating, sometimes their twisted minds will assume that the woman is cheating too!
*valdezcami

[kira]

You shouldn't need to check on your partner. Relationships thrive on trust. If you don't trust someone to the point you need to check up on them and go through their things then you shouldn't be in the relationship with them.