I have to say as I read your intitial post I was cringing way before you got to the part that he slapped you. The kicking and shoving and demanding he perform for you, was SO out of line, beyond out of line...you said you were practically trying to force him and shaking him whenever he fell asleep. What I read there was abuse to me, psychological, physical and sexual abuse, emotional abuse.
When you went on to state he slapped you, of course I don't think slapping is good... I think its bad and abusive. I just think you were abusing them at the time he slapped you. You were the aggressor and from the way you wrote it very much sounding like you was almost just defending himself. Its never okay to hit a woman, in my opinion -- but I think that while under attack from one, the hard and fast rules can get a little bit merky.
I think you BOTH could benefit from some anger management counseling and to learn how to get your emotions under control enough to respond with words or by walking away and not becoming physical.
No one is making you out to be the bad guy here, or say 'you had it coming'... for me I am saying that the whole situation sounded toxic and I think to just pull from that episode the slap and define him as an abuser based on his reaction to being assaulted while trying to fall asleep might not be the best situation for you to judge his character or whether or not you should stay in this relationship.
You probably shouldn't... as it sounds like you are not very happy, and he probably can't be happy. If things are so bad that you are sitting in the bed shaking him awake, if things are so bad and he feels so under attack that he slaps you -- you know things have gone way way way too far.
No I am not saying that slapping is okay its WRONG. I am just saying so is kicking and shoving and shaking etc. I am saying that his wrong is no more wrong that your wrong. That if you are considering that you can't possibly think of him the same because of what he did, you have to consider the same way he may be feeling towards you.
And that if you want to this to work it shouldn't be his job to fix it.. I think you both have to come together on this. You owe him an appology for your behavior and he owes you one as well for how he reacted to it. He probably should have just gotten up and left when you made it clear you were not going to let him sleep. I'm sure he regrets his action... but all i see from you is defense... like he slapped me, that trumps all the kicking and pushing and psychological warfare i was waging... It doesn't.
You were both in the wrong, and I think its important for you to evaluate why you reacted the way that you did, and own up to it. I am not trying to make you feel bad, I am just trying to say it seems like you want us to judge and condemn this man for his slapping you and want us to do so while saying it was okay for you to do all the things you did, that you can beat him upside the head with a frying pan he's still not allowed to slap you. All I am saying is NEITHER of you should have done what you did, I don't hold his actions to be the only part of that night that someone did something wrong. He did wrong. But you did as well.
And if you can't see that... and think he owes you an appology while you don't owe him one ... I think you'd be more doomed to repeat the behavior. Because you'd some how see that you can treat him any kind of way and thats okay because you are a woman and he should sit and take it. He shouldn't , neither should you... and if you both can't argue or be upset without getting physical, counseling should had... and the possiblity that you guys are an ill-fit should be considered.
When you went on to state he slapped you, of course I don't think slapping is good... I think its bad and abusive. I just think you were abusing them at the time he slapped you. You were the aggressor and from the way you wrote it very much sounding like you was almost just defending himself. Its never okay to hit a woman, in my opinion -- but I think that while under attack from one, the hard and fast rules can get a little bit merky.
I think you BOTH could benefit from some anger management counseling and to learn how to get your emotions under control enough to respond with words or by walking away and not becoming physical.
No one is making you out to be the bad guy here, or say 'you had it coming'... for me I am saying that the whole situation sounded toxic and I think to just pull from that episode the slap and define him as an abuser based on his reaction to being assaulted while trying to fall asleep might not be the best situation for you to judge his character or whether or not you should stay in this relationship.
You probably shouldn't... as it sounds like you are not very happy, and he probably can't be happy. If things are so bad that you are sitting in the bed shaking him awake, if things are so bad and he feels so under attack that he slaps you -- you know things have gone way way way too far.
No I am not saying that slapping is okay its WRONG. I am just saying so is kicking and shoving and shaking etc. I am saying that his wrong is no more wrong that your wrong. That if you are considering that you can't possibly think of him the same because of what he did, you have to consider the same way he may be feeling towards you.
And that if you want to this to work it shouldn't be his job to fix it.. I think you both have to come together on this. You owe him an appology for your behavior and he owes you one as well for how he reacted to it. He probably should have just gotten up and left when you made it clear you were not going to let him sleep. I'm sure he regrets his action... but all i see from you is defense... like he slapped me, that trumps all the kicking and pushing and psychological warfare i was waging... It doesn't.
You were both in the wrong, and I think its important for you to evaluate why you reacted the way that you did, and own up to it. I am not trying to make you feel bad, I am just trying to say it seems like you want us to judge and condemn this man for his slapping you and want us to do so while saying it was okay for you to do all the things you did, that you can beat him upside the head with a frying pan he's still not allowed to slap you. All I am saying is NEITHER of you should have done what you did, I don't hold his actions to be the only part of that night that someone did something wrong. He did wrong. But you did as well.
And if you can't see that... and think he owes you an appology while you don't owe him one ... I think you'd be more doomed to repeat the behavior. Because you'd some how see that you can treat him any kind of way and thats okay because you are a woman and he should sit and take it. He shouldn't , neither should you... and if you both can't argue or be upset without getting physical, counseling should had... and the possiblity that you guys are an ill-fit should be considered.
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