[WildChild]

Understand this.

Brand it into your brain

Men will not solve your problems.

The man you have been dependant on for 10 years is not a solution to your problems

Your family will not solve your problems.
You need to learn to take care of and support yourself.

There are food banks you can go to that do not have any acceptance requirements. (SHARE Colo is one but you will have to do volunteer work - even working at their distribution center to earn the food, they have good stuff)
Get on line, check places like the larger churches (there are some Huge ones where you are) TV stations and the places I sent you info on. There should be resources you can access such as food banks that are run by local non government agencies and organizations.
You NEED to CUT ALL TIES WITH THIS MAN!!! It really isn't safe for you to be around him, you should not be willing to go anyplace with him!!

You undermine your credibility to convince people that you are ready to get out when you are still willing to be around him. Not everyone understands how an abusor fosters dependency. You need to see this in yourself and understand that you have value without him. When you have lived a lifetime of dependency and abuse it can be very hard to break away from it. but you have to do it.

Own your own life!!!

You are able bodied, there is no reason you can't seek SOME kind of employment. Start looking today. You can try getting out in your neighborhood, you can look on Craigslist. Don't get into massive fits about it but create some sort of resume. If you can't list a lot of work experience, you can list skills.
Get busy.
Aside from keeping away from him - forget Brian!

[WildChild]

That is not a bit too far-fetched?? I am not sure that he could have located your thread... could be just a co-incidence... how about giving your brother a call and filling him up on the latest turn the events have taken??

This is a heavily visited site. For many subject areas it comes up at the top of the searches. If her poster name is her real name, it will come up on a search. I've had letters to the editor written before there was an internet, show up on searches. Don't ever think anything is really annoymous online.

[karenshiver]

Can my user name be changed? I like hamandcheeseonwry

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Can my user name be changed? I like hamandcheeseonwry

karen I asked you back if it was your real name and offered to change it then

I will send you a PM ...see if you can r eply....In case you can't work it out I'll also send a Visitors Message so you can click on my name and you can reply to my Visitors Page which I will delete.

However, this post will also be deleted....thereafter

[karenshiver]

Never mind.

[karenshiver]

I posted a picture of one of the marks Brian left on my body after he beat me with his belt on Thanksgiving Day... he left marks and bruises and welts all over my body... I will only leave it up for a day... I am deleting it tomorrow.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I have been abused all my life... hit, slapped, kicked, spit on, raped, everything under the sun... I just want to hide in my home and hope the world fades away.

Karen, all your life? If this is the case, it is understandable that you chose an abuser 10 years ago, one month after your husband and you broke up, and he knew that you were not coping, latched on to an insecure, down person whom he could control...

I don't know what happened before this but it's time to break the cycle.

He wants to keep Maria in his life.
He wants to keep his membership with all of the dating websites.
He wants me to have dinner with him (when he wants to).
He wants to spend the weekends alone.
He wants complete control over the money.
He wants me to keep silent about the abuse and to drop the charges against him.
He wants me to tell him what a nice guy he is (all the time).

He wants complete CONTROL over you...He wants to date from the sites, see Maria, keep you locked in a cage, away from the world, never showering you with affection, only abuse, control your every move, your every cent, to ensure that you are his "dog" for a better word, he owns you.

He wants to abuse you, hit you, make those marks and he wants you to take them, (accept them like a man) and say nothing. He wants no one to know what he does, what he loves doing, controlling and abusing.....

You say you hate him but, you also claim to love him and if only you could stand on your own too feet, maybe a mirycle will happen, maybe he will respect you, change and everything will be okay..... Is this your motivation to leave? If it is, that's okay for now, any motivation is good, if you use it and go through with it.

But, you've also shown anger towards what he's done, so that's positive...because hopefully as each day goes by you'll see the real him, a worm who took advantage of someone at their lowest moment, whom took advantage of someone that has been abused before him, maybe from a young age throughout her adulthood, a woman whom can not stand on her own, someone he could manipulate, keep locked up, someone he could abuse .....his target ..... was found......and someone whom he throws around like a dishcloth, whilst he dates and sleeps around and claims you must accept that as well, but be there for him...someone whom he can't fathom rebelling which you are now, and so his threats come deep.

But, they are threats....to keep you.
They are threats to keep what he has "owned".
They are threats that are weak because he has a Court case, of abuse to you, you have photos, you have a signature, you have him now by the balls....

But, tread carefully...

And if Brian is reading this? Your best bet would be to leave her alone, leave her some money and let her get on with her life, think about it....and never contact her again.

CW

[karenshiver]

Karen, all your life? If this is the case, it is understandable that you chose an abuser 10 years ago, one month after your husband and you broke up, and he knew that you were not coping, latched on to an insecure, down person whom he could control...

I don't know what happened before this but it's time to break the cycle.



He wants complete CONTROL over you...He wants to date from the sites, see Maria, keep you locked in a cage, away from the world, never showering you with affection, only abuse, control your every move, your every cent, to ensure that you are his "dog" for a better word, he owns you.

He wants to abuse you, hit you, make those marks and he wants you to take them, (accept them like a man) and say nothing. He wants no one to know what he does, what he loves doing, controlling and abusing.....

You say you hate him but, you also claim to love him and if only you could stand on your own too feet, maybe a mirycle will happen, maybe he will respect you, change and everything will be okay..... Is this your motivation to leave? If it is, that's okay for now, any motivation is good, if you use it and go through with it.

But, you've also shown anger towards what he's done, so that's positive...because hopefully as each day goes by you'll see the real him, a worm who took advantage of someone at their lowest moment, whom took advantage of someone that has been abused before him, maybe from a young age throughout her adulthood, a woman whom can not stand on her own, someone he could manipulate, keep locked up, someone he could abuse .....his target ..... was found......and someone whom he throws around like a dishcloth, whilst he dates and sleeps around and claims you must accept that as well, but be there for him...someone whom he can't fathom rebelling which you are now, and so his threats come deep.

But, they are threats....to keep you.
They are threats to keep what he has "owned".
They are threats that are weak because he has a Court case, of abuse to you, you have photos, you have a signature, you have him now by the balls....

But, tread carefully...

And if Brian is reading this? Your best bet would be to leave her alone, leave her some money and let her get on with her life, think about it....and never contact her again.

CW

You hit the nail on the head... you understand the situation perfectly and you know the dynamics well... as if you have been a silent observer, watching from a corner of the room, above, the relationship between Brian and me...

And, yes, I have pictures, his signed confession, and a police report... and his first sergeant wants him nailed to the wall and is just waiting for some hard evidence to put this guy away (and I have it). Brian wrote me an email a month ago confessing to all of the abuse and he admitted that he had hit me with his belt on Thanksgiving Day... he tried to recover the email, but, to no avail... because I had already read the email and you cannot unsend an email that has already been read... he has been after that email since the moment he wrote it and sent it to me... it is bothering him something fierce... and, he also knows he will lose Maria if she saw the email and pictures. And, then, there's the Nevada police report... if convicted, Brian will never be permitted to be in possession of a firearm again... can you imagine what this conviction would mean to a soldier (whose life is surrounded around having weapons in their possession)... his career would be over. And, yes, they are threats... he is trying to manipulate me... because he wants Maria in his life... he wants his cake and eat it too. If he denies me food and shelter, I will forward the confession and pictures to everyone in his unit... I will have the last word. So, let him do what he is going to do (and then I will do what I have to do). Or, he could apologize to me, stop cheating on me, cut all contact with Maria, get help for himself, make amends to my family... my father... to me, delete his name from all of the dating websites, wine and dine me, let me go to school, share his car, his money, his home, his life with me, and all of this could turn around... he could have it all! Brian is terrified of that letter he sent me and the pictures... and he is terrified of being convicted in Nevada.

[karenshiver]

My father said the same thing last night... he said that they are only idle threats and that Brian is manipulating me... my father also thinks that Brian made up the whole story about Maria just to me off... my father said that Brian will give me the money because he does not want to lose me and because he is terrified about the letter and pictures.

[karenshiver]

He also told me I am no longer allowed to drink or smoke... WTF? I am Italian... Italians drink wine with dinner... I am not giving up my Asti wine for anyone. He also wants me to give up pork... He is Jewish... NOT ME... I like bacon and ham and I ain't giving it up.