[karenshiver]

Don't you think that even if he chose you over Maria now, you should still be free of him after all this? What is your opinion?

I hate him.

[unsuregirl]

I have 3 more days of food left... I am really scared. I may have to have dinner with that jerk just to get food and rent money (until someone hires me)... it is just so demeaning to give in to his demands... I am really afraid of him... I even asked him to move me to Utah and support me until I can find a job... he refused... he said that I either give him his way or I starve to death.

If you had the means and money to manage on your own, would you be considering giving Brian a chance now? Please be honest about it...

[Guest]

go to the authorities..

What are his demands ???

[unsuregirl]

I hate him.

That should answer all my concerns... so just money is the problem right now I guess.. Please do not have dinner with him again...you living in Colorado, Right?

[karenshiver]

I love Brian and my heart is really broken... but, if I had my own money, I would not agree to have contact with Brian until he changed his ways (and he would have to exhibit loving and consistent behavior over a long period of time). I do not think Brian will ever change... but, I am still hoping for a miracle... if you can understand that? Being self-sufficient would afford me the luxury of setting firm boundaries... he would have to make some hard choices... either change or lose me forever. Right now, because he controls me though money, he thinks he can do whatever he wants to me... he knows how scared I am... he always says, "Fine, if you do not want to obey me, make it on your own... let's see how far you get with no money... good luck with being homeless and starving to death." He also told me to prostitute myself for food.

[karenshiver]

go to the authorities..

What are his demands ???

He wants to keep Maria in his life.
He wants to keep his membership with all of the dating websites.
He wants me to have dinner with him (when he wants to).
He wants to spend the weekends alone.
He wants complete control over the money.
He wants me to keep silent about the abuse and to drop the charges against him.
He wants me to tell him what a nice guy he is (all the time).

[karenshiver]

go to the authorities..

What are his demands ???

Also, he wants me to call him and apologize for being jealous about Maria and to say that I was wrong in assuming they had anything more than a working relationship and he wants me to totally accept Maria into my life (even though he confessed, last Friday, that he had feelings for her, thought she was a very attractive woman, and has been wanting to date her and be her boyfriend for over a year, and has been waiting for an opportunity (her breaking up with her fiance and losing her baby and wanting him) to have sex with her. But, Brian wants me to admit I was delusional in thinking Marie was more than just a co worker.

[Guest]

Go to a womens shelter, i did that until a friend took me in..

He wants you to keep silent about the abuse so he can beat and rape you at will..

You have alternatives...

[unsuregirl]

I love Brian and my heart is really broken... but, if I had my own money, I would not agree to have contact with Brian until he changed his ways (and he would have to exhibit loving and consistent behavior over a long period of time). I do not think Brian will ever change... but, I am still hoping for a miracle... if you can understand that? Being self-sufficient would afford me the luxury of setting firm boundaries... he would have to make some hard choices... either change or lose me forever. Right now, because he controls me though money, he thinks he can do whatever he wants to me... he knows how scared I am... he always says, "Fine, if you do not want to obey me, make it on your own... let's see how far you get with no money... good luck with being homeless and starving to death." He also told me to prostitute myself for food.

I can understand that you hope for a miracle... its very rare that a person would still have hopes like this after enduring so much for so long but its not non-existent... I can understand but trust me, nobody can approve of your hoping so. Your family is also telling you to take him back and people around you have not been telling you to leave him which might have made you think the way you do (that its okay to forgive a man who did this to you)... usually friends and family around people tell them to get the out of this situation ... but your case is a little different...
But if you still went out with Brian for food , it will hardly be any better than prostituting yourself for food.. probably worse because even women in Escort services are treated way better by their clients... my point is not to make you feel worse... I mean right now we have to focus on what way you have to get out of this situation... you have to get out of it ... you have to... we don't have to focus on Brian or Maria at all right now because right now its not about hurt... u r in danger so priority is to be safe first, then find your self-respect and self-esteem back... Tell me, how many shelters have you tried in colorado? I just googled and I found plenty of them... I am not from your country so I do not know how this thing works but I can try to find out for you...

[karenshiver]

Go to a womens shelter, i did that until a friend took me in..

He wants you to keep silent about the abuse so he can beat and rape you at will..

You have alternatives...

TESSA will not accept me into their shelter... they say it is because I do not live with my abuser and am not in immediate danger... the shelter turned me down. Also, I am no longer to leave the car if Brian is hitting me... he says this is a public spectacle and making our "problems" public and embarrassing him... so, I have to just sit there and let him hit me.