[Newwife11]

How would he feel if the show were on the other foot? Tell him that. He obviously has no respect for you and your feelings. Being married 24 years is a great accomplishment, considering so many people are quick to divorce and not work things out. You are not crazy as he says.

[south17th]

If you are investing more of your time and attention into a relationship with someone other than your spouse or partner, then you are having an emotional affair.
If you are spending excessive amounts of time communicating with someone other than your spouse or partner, then you are having an emotional affair.
If you are lying about it, expect to be snooped on. If you get caught, don't continue to lie about it.
It's OK to be friends with people of the opposite sex. You just need to respect the boundaries of your spouse or partner and be truthful and upfront about it.
If you are truly friends with someone, then the last thing that person would do is interfere with your relationship or make your spouse or partner uncomfortable. If they do interfere, they are not your friend.
There really is difference between communicating with your friends and completely inappropriate behavior. It’s totally inappropriate to sneak and hide.
Oh, and did I mention - don’t lie about it?
There is zero room for forgiveness if he’s hidden what he’s done, whether he’s hidden it by lying or by avoiding the subject.

Here’s a thought about this so-called “friendship”-
Would he act this way if this friend was a man?
Would he call and text another man ten times a day?
Would he only do it when you were not around?
Would he delete all those calls and texts if they were innocent?
Would he lie to you about that?

[south17th]

OK - here's my story: Last December; in just one month, he went from a man who didn’t even know how to enter a Contact into his cell phone, had to have me do it for him, and had never sent a text message in his life – to someone who sent 10 text messages a day to a new woman. A man who had about 80 total phone calls a month – to a man who had about 400 a month.

It was my cell bill, so when I asked him what all the new calls and text messages were about, he said he was texting 4 people; and even gave me 4 names. I told him I was going to go to US Cellular get a detailed list, and I asked him if there were going to be a lot of messages to just one number. He said there wouldn’t be. But he was SUPER ****ED AT ME because I was going to get a detailed list!

I got the list that day. Out of all his Text Messages that month, only 3 were to anybody but her. 10 TM's a day to her – and only 1 msg in the entire month to me. Of course, she wasn't one of the names he had mentioned. And yes, I did a reverse-search and know who she is (but didn't tell him I knew). He even lied about her name.

He STILL tried to deny it when it was right there before him in black and white. At first he said it was a mistake. Later, he admitted texting her but said they were "JUST FRIENDS". Said he felt sorry for her. Two weeks later, he came up with this story that he was trying to get her to go back to her husband. Says he never touched her. But I had evidence to the contrary.

Cheaters *ALWAYS LIE*.

[JadedQueen]

My definition of cheating is simply.... if it's something he wouldn't do in front of me, then it's something he shouldn't be doing at all. The same holds true for me, if it's something I can't do in front of my man and feel the need to hide it.... it's unacceptable and the only options are Don't do it.... or get out of the relationship so you can do it.

[JadedQueen]

if it was something innocent then he wouldn't have felt the need to lie, then to lie again.... and lie some more. There is something that he is hiding because if it was as innocent as him trying to talk her into going back to her husband he could have just said that the first, second, third time instead of lying. This man is lying to you. As far as to what extreme his contact with this woman is unclear (unless you have evidence). I hope things work out for you being betrayed by someone you love is very painful.

[south17th]

if it was something innocent then he wouldn't have felt the need to lie, then to lie again.... and lie some more. There is something that he is hiding because if it was as innocent as him trying to talk her into going back to her husband he could have just said that the first, second, third time instead of lying. This man is lying to you. As far as to what extreme his contact with this woman is unclear (unless you have evidence). I hope things work out for you being betrayed by someone you love is very painful.

Thanks for taking the time to reply. Yes, of course he was lying to me. Lie upon lie upon lie. I couldn't take it. I spent 15 years with this man, and thought I knew him very well. I did not believe that he hadn't had any physical contact with her... his lies told me otherwise. I could not contend with his lies, his lack of remorse for lying, and his shifting the blame on me. I left him. It's been 3 months now. I'm just not one of those who can live with a man who cheats. I can't turn a blind eye to that kind of thing. It was **** at first, I'll admit. But I'll be OK.

[Julietpinkrose]

The fact that he kept it from you for 5 months sends off alarm bells to me. Talk to him, see what's going through his head. If he is kept it from you it's not innocent flirting

[racht]

its cheating for sure! anything behind your back is cheating if you ask me..

[Jade_Aus]

09-14-2010.... That was the date I posted on here saying my partner had sent intimate texts to another women, who, when he cut all contact with her, told me everything that had happened.
He changed his number, showed me his phone everything... so I gave it another go... but, I was just fooling myself. within 6 months it was over... All those years we were together I was verbally abused and continually accused of cheating... HE was the one who did it.... It has been 2 years now and I am still single. I don't trust men now and I am not able to relax into a relationship.. I hope with counselling and a fresh start that may change... but that one time.. took a toll.. To any woman who is in this position, get out while you can... It might feel harder being without them... BUT, it less pain than being WITH them xxx

[jns]

Jade, I hope the counseling does what you want it to. Best wishes.